As the saying goes, the heart wants what the heart wants. But what if your heart is yearning for someone from a completely different generation? Here’s how two experts suggest navigating a blossoming age-gap romance. 

Despite being around since the dawn of time, there’s an undeniable level of scrutiny that befalls couples in an age-gap relationship. Even the most open-minded of people would admit to hesitation when it comes to accepting, supporting and understanding some couples hailing from different generations. 

But as undeniable as her lyrical genius is, we shouldn’t let Taylor Swift’s discography dictate our feelings towards age-gap couplings. After all, not every romantic prospect out there is bound to be a John Mayer or Jake Gyllenhaal.

How age-gap relationships have historically been perceived

According to Dr Alissa Knight, clinical psychologist, founder and director of The Calming Suite Psychology Clinic, society’s long-held reservations and stigmatisation of age-gap romances stem from our fear of the unknown. 

“As humans, we tend to judge instinctively and dislike what other people do if it is different from what we know to be ‘normal’ based on what we have chosen for ourselves,” Dr Knight says. 

With the rising prominence of sugar daddy-baby arrangements and the glamorous way they’re portrayed by many who partake, age-gap relationships have become heavily associated with a mismatched power dynamic, or even inherently predatory.

People dating someone considerably older are often portrayed as being desperate for emotional and financial security, living out their assumed daddy/mummy issues with their significant other. 

Likewise, people dating much younger counterparts are often pigeonholed as someone who prioritises their partner’s physical appearance, youthfulness and naivety, asserting control and dominance within the partnership.

Why are age-gap romances growing in popularity? 

Given the historical stigmatisation of age-gap couples, it’s easy to understand why such relationships were usually reserved for those unfazed by social expectations – the rich, famous and untouchable. But now, all kinds of people are embarking on age-gap relationships.

“It’s becoming more popular because single people in 2024 are less inclined to follow a traditional rulebook for dating,” says Bumble’s APAC Communications Director, Lucille McCart. “We know from our research that people on Bumble are more open to dating outside their usual type, which could look like broadening your age or location filters, or even just switching up your swiping patterns and matching with people you might not have considered before.”

It helps of course that major figures in pop culture have normalised dating outside your age bracket. “59 per cent of women say they're now more open to dating someone younger than them, perhaps inspired by couples like Bradley Cooper and Gigi Hadid, Madonna and Josh Popper and Barry Keoghan and Sabrina Carpenter,” McCart says.

From a psychological perspective, Dr Knight says society’s evolved sense of acceptance and inclusivity over the past decade – romantic or otherwise – has likely helped people explore romantic prospects once considered to be taboo.  

As for who’s driving this surging trend, the answer may take you by surprise. 

“The trend is being driven by single women in their 20s and 30s who are questioning what they have been told about gender, power, and the amount of agency people bring to relationships,” adds McCart. “I love this idea because it challenges the (incorrect) belief that the dating pool for women only gets smaller as we age.”

What’s the best way to approach an age-gap relationship? 

As McCart insists, embarking on a fling with someone much older or younger than you doesn’t necessarily require any special tactics, “It doesn’t have to be any different to how you would start any other conversation on a dating app,” she says. “My advice for making the first move is to look at someone’s profile and ask them a question or make a comment on something they have shown there.” 

If you find a spark with someone, Dr Knight encourages you to thoughtfully define your relationship based on your feelings, opinions, and perceptions, “The minute you allow others’ views, disapproval, values, and social discourse to enter the relationship you are inevitably going to be setting your relationship up to fail,” she says.  After all, the clinical psychologist wholeheartedly believes that shared values, commitment, goals, trust, intimacy and respect are more influential in the longevity of a relationship than any age gap. 

But, as popular as they may be becoming, age-gap relationships can still be riddled with complexities. 

Precautions to consider in an age-gap relationship

As Dr Knight explains, the most divisive or controversial aspect of any age-gap partnership is ultimately the imbalance of power – not age. “The most significant concern that I see in my clinical practice with a significant age gap is where one person in the relationship has greater financial means, stability often in the way of housing and career, and just sheer life experience,” she says.

Mindful of offering advice free of judgment, Dr Knight says she encourages people in an age-gap partnership (particularly the younger person) to maintain their own choices, rights, needs and values, and to be aware of manipulation or coercion. 

Similarly, Dr Knight also urges people to be wary of situations where “A younger person ‘scammer’ preys on usually senior men and women over age 50, those who are widows, widowers and recent divorcees who may be particularly vulnerable to manipulation of the heart.”

Common difficulties associated with age-gap relationships

One of the reasons age-gap relationships have typically been scrutinised is that they naturally defy the traditional timeline of milestones we have become so accustomed to – such as getting engaged, married and having babies. 

Naturally, coupling up with someone of a similar age makes achieving these life goals easier, while couples with a wide age gap may encounter generational points of difference.   

“Another key issue associated with age-gap relationships is the constant pressure and perception of social disapproval from family, friends and the wider community,” says Dr Knight. 

“Primarily, this is aimed at older men dating younger women, who are seen as inflicting power differentials with coercion and consent. This can make it especially hard for some age-gap couples to thrive long-term when they are constantly up against a wall of societal judgment.”