Smells like teen spirit: How to avoid your adolescent child’s bedroom becoming battlegrounds

A teen’s bedroom is their pride and joy. Here are some ideas for your kids who desire a cool space to call their own — which parents can get involved in.

Already feeling cash-strapped and time-poor? Throw a teenager into the parenting mix and you have a domestic pressure cooker that’s ready to blow.

A child entering their teens is a challenging time for them and us – and the epicentre of anxiety is often an adolescent’s bedroom. Here’s a survival guide with help from the experts.

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COME OUT COME OUT WHEREVER YOU ARE

Try to embrace the differences between each teenage child by getting to know them as individuals.

Coaxing teens out of their room may require a positive hook, like an activity of their choosing.

“Think about ways to spend time together as a family that won’t break the bank,” chief executive of online mental health service for young people and parents, ReachOut Ashley de Silva says.

“(Try) a new budget friendly recipe together or free things in your local area such as community events, parks or beaches.

“Schedule activities in advance, so that there is a clear expectation around the things you would like your teen to participate in as a family.”

Parenting Research Centre’s Elly Robinson also suggests embracing the differences between each teenage child by getting to know them as individuals.

“Simple, open (invitations) like, ‘Tell me about your day’ may help to start a conversation,” she says.

“Going for a drive is a great way to engage in a low pressure conversation. If a teenager is consistently low mood, teary or irritable, it’s a good idea to talk to a GP or school counsellor.”

SHARED STRESS

Young people can take on the stress of the household too. Picture: istock

The ongoing cost of living strain is biting parents – but young people experience the household’s stresses too.

“For some families, this can mean increased levels of conflict and mood changes,” de Silva says.

“Practical financial steps are so important right now. It will be very difficult for you to support your teens if your own mental health is suffering.

“Self-care doesn’t need to be expensive or time consuming. A walk around your local area with your favourite podcast can be a good place to start.”

TEEN TEMPLE

The bedroom of a teen can be their safe space, but its important to set rules.

A teen’s bedroom is often their first sacred space: somewhere safe they can make their own. Rushing in to clean or snoop is usually ill-advised.

Instead, families need open communication around bedroom boundaries and expectations,” De Silva says.

“That might be around the use of devices in bedrooms, eating meals with the family at the table, or cleaning,” he says.

If your concerns are more serious than how long a sandwich has spent petrifying under the bed, talk first and act later.

“(Let) your teen know that you are worried about them before looking through their room,” de Silva says.

“If you do find something in your teen’s bedroom that worries you, it’s important to be clear with them about the reason you needed to go (in).”

Listening more than talking can also help in this scenario, advises Better Health Victoria. And if you don’t understand something your teen says, take a breath and ask for their help.

HOT BUTTON ISSUE

The line between real life and virtual life can be blurred for some teens.

During Covid, the boundary between real and virtual life blurred for us all, but that grey area is more pronounced for some young people now.

“As digital natives, young people often don’t differentiate between their online and offline worlds,” de Silva says.

 “It can be challenging … to understand why your teen seems to have more friends online than at school.

“Get curious about the online lives of (your) teens. (Play) an online game together, (ask) questions about the friends your teen has online (and learn) more about the social media platforms they are using.”

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Originally published as Smells like teen spirit: How to avoid your adolescent child’s bedroom becoming battlegrounds