Dare More Care Less book: Sally Steele on expression through fashion

This Brisbane style guru and author is fed up with social media influencers and women chasing happiness through designer clothes and accessories. She says it’s time we all “ditch the inner bitch”.

It takes a brave woman to wage war on shopping. But Sally Steele is not afraid.

The Brisbane style guru, author, mentor, speaker and mum-of-two is fed up with women chasing happiness through designer clothes and accessories and won’t hold back when it comes to speaking her mind.

“I am over so-called social media influencers with slick glossy Instagram feeds showing perfectly curated stylish pictures of their dream family-jetset lives in the fashion capitals of the world, making fashion and style so bloody unattainable, elitist and frankly massively lacking the fun factor,” she writes in her book Dare More, Care Less.

Brisbane Stylist Sally Steele says style in an “inside job”

On a mission to transform the way women look and feel about fashion, Sally says style is an “inside job” and before you can look good you need to embark on a “Mindset Makeover”.

“There is a misconception that with the right designer bag, new trends and cool statement pieces, you’ll be stylish. That just leads to a vicious cycle of constant consumption and ego highs, trying to fill the void that low self esteem and a lack of self-love creates,” she tells Brisbane News.

Through the book, Sally, 49, wants to help people understand that consumption is not a hobby to distract them from a negative self-image.

“The best bit for me has been having women and teens come up at the Coles checkout and say it has completely changed their outlook on self love and their clothing consumption because I laid it out in such an easy, relatable way and they have passed it on to their daughter, friend or sister to read.”

Dare More Care Less by Sally Steele, $32, sallysteele.com.au, daremorecareless.com

Born in Glasgow, Scotland, Sally’s love of style began at the age of 12 when she decided to cut off her long pigtails in favour of a Sheena Easton asymmetric pixie cut.

“I was very experimental as a kid,” she laughs.

“Expressing myself through my clothes has always been something I was encouraged to do. Most of my ancestors were renowned for standing out from the crowd. My mum, who always had innate style, used to make my clothes and I was lucky because my parents said I could do what I wanted because it was my body.

“I was not brought up to value appearance, but rather focus on developing my talents and being the best version of myself. The outside part – how I looked, what I wore, my hair – well, it was understood that was just for kicks, for me to have fun.

“So I would go to parties in my teens and wouldn’t be dressed like the other teens. My brother was in the Corps so I would have a sailor hat on and my dad’s tuxedo and would style myself in a way that was natural to me, but not so that I was going into a shop and buying stuff.

Sally’s parents and grandparents at family wedding.

“I would just find things. I loved second-hand stores, charity shops and jumble sales; would find (items) and refashion them.”

At 17, Sally got a holiday job in an exclusive designer boutique in Glasgow and learnt on the job how to professionally style other people, but moved away from fashion when she went to university and pursued a career in Japanese market analysis, brand direction and trend forecasting.

film, TV, fashion and lifestyle, including Red Bull, Sunsoaked, James Squire, Austereo, ABC and Event Cinemas.

It wasn’t until she moved to Brisbane in 2010, to help care for her ailing father, that she decided to set herself up as a personal stylist and mindset coach.

Drawing on her childhood love of rewearable clothes, she has since rifled through the wardrobes of thousands, encouraging more people to curate rather than consume and focus on more sustainable options like DIY, vintage, thrifting, local artisans and clothing exchange to help reduce the collective fashion footprint.

Stylist, author, mentor Sally Steele. Picture: AAP/Richard Waugh

“I couldn’t keep pushing people to buy more stuff because it’s not where my value set sits,” she explains.

“I was so aware when I was going into people’s houses of the consumption. There were so many clothes with tags on and I used to say, ‘Hey, can I take these clothes to swap shops to curate them?’

“It was about working with people’s mindsets. A lot of consumption comes from people ignoring other stuff that they need to deal with and shopping their pain away.

“I found the majority of work I did with women was on their mindset and their clothes were actually great.

“Essentially people need to realise that consumption is not fulfilling and there is a difference between consuming and being. We’re not just here to buy more stuff, we’re here to be and live and love and laugh.”

As part of her Mindset Makeover, Sally says it’s important to “listen to your inner voice and recognise confidence crushers”, which include comparing yourself to others, body shaming others and regarding ill-fitting clothes as a reflection of your self-worth.

Particularly important is her mantra “Ditch the Inner Bitch” and she explains that outwardly bitchy behaviour is linked to self-loathing and feelings of worthlessness that need to be stopped if we are to move forward.

Sally also urges people to take a good look at their “fashion footprint” before they hit the stores.

Sally wearing treasured family heirlooms

Personally, she keeps hers as low as possible by wearing vintage clothing with heirloom accessories including scarfs, bags, cravats and hats handed down to her by her grandmother and grandfather.

“Ask yourself what percentage of your wardrobe is just fast fashion, what percentage is designer that you’ve saved up for and love, what percentage is vintage, what percentage has been swapped with someone,” she says.

“Look at it and try to change the balance so you’re not just mindlessly filling your wardrobe.

“What I say in the book is what I used to tell my clients. If you’ve gone through the process and worked on your mindset, styled what you already have in your wardrobe, then you can go shopping – but don’t buy anything you can’t wear or style in three different ways.”

These days, Sally doesn’t do the one-on-one styling, but instead spreads her message through motivational speaking and social media.

Her Instagram account @steelemystyle is not about airbrushing and brand endorsements though, it’s about keeping things real.

She set up the hashtags #spotmystyle and #realstreetstyle so women can post their pictures to celebrate individuality, beauty diversity, ageless style and happy self expression.

It’s no different at home. Sally lives at Kenmore with husband Jason, 50, a University of Queensland lecturer in English as a second language, and their two daughters, Indigo, 12, and Elodie, 9.

She’s raising her girls the same way she was – the emphasis is on self expression and not needing to follow the herd to be happy.

There is no screen time Monday to Friday and Indigo was only recently given a smart phone.

“We’re introducing it gradually,” Sally says. “She’s aware of Instagram but also that it’s not real life. Since the girls were little I’ve always talked about the difference between need and want.

“Social media and mindless scrolling can make you feel like you don’t have enough and make you compare your life to other people’s.

“I teach my girls that their body is not who they are. They don’t get congratulated on being pretty, it’s praise for being a great person, being kind, or making the most of their skills.”

There are no mother and daughter shopping trips either.

“I wouldn’t say they’re into fashion because it’s not something we spend time talking about.

“I’m more interested in talking to them about a documentary, or how they’re going with something.

“My philosophy is, you can’t stop people judging you but you are completely in control of how you express yourself.

“Being yourself as an individual is not feeling like you need to buy that jacket to be cool.”