Your Night In: Every movie on TV tonight rated and slated
Two late, great acting legends make an appearance in an action-packed night on the small screen with Sean Connery playing James Bond and Chadwick Boseman in Marshall. Leigh Paatsch rates all tonight’s TV offerings.
Leigh Paatsch
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HARRY POTTER AND THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX (M)
***
7.30pm 7MATE
The fifth Potter picture is one of the lesser entries in the series: way too rushed, and a mite too dour. The downbeat atmosphere is ushered in by a genuinely frightening prologue. Harry (Daniel Radcliffe) is forced to break a taboo for teenage wizards — performing high-level magic in the presence of a Muggle — in order to repel those face-sucking flying skeletons known as Dementors. As a result, Harry’s tenure at Hogwarts is jeopardised while he is put on trial by the Ministry of Magic for the misuse of a spell in the real world. With Harry’s plea of self-defence falling on unsympathetic ears — his credibility having taken a pounding because of his earlier, unsubstantiated claim that the evil Voldemort is back in business — it is only the last-minute intervention of the wise Dumbledore (Michael Gambon) that sees all charges dropped.
POLICE ACADEMY 5: ASSIGNMENT MIAMI BEACH
*
10:15 PM 7MATE
Most of the recognisable regulars had racked off by the time the lid came off this filmed fart-in-a-jar. No.
YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE
***1/2
8:40 PM GEM
In tribute to the recently passed Sean Connery, an airing of the suave Scot’s fifth time in the iconic role of Brit super-spy James Bond. This one also marked the end of Connery’s stellar 1960s run as 007. So what’s going down here? Bond hits the Far East. Hard. Some goofy shenanigans — unleash the Ninja warriors! — and the finest lair (inside a volcano) a villain could ever want.
UNDER SIEGE (M)
**1/2
7.30pm GO!
History may record that this was the movie that Steven Seagal parted company with his trademark ponytail for, but we should also not forget just how gripping this “Die Hard at Sea” action thriller proves to be when the chips are down. Seagal is the Navy short-order cook who saves the world by punching his way up the pecking order of the mercenary villains in control of his ship. Then our hero finally comes face-to-face with the baddest dudes of ‘em all, Tommy Lee Jones and Gary Busey. Go for it, Steve!
THE PUNISHER
*1/2
9:40 PM GO!
First introduced in a 1974 edition of The Amazing Spider-Man, Frank “The Punisher” Castle is one of the most unusual heroes to ever come out of the Marvel Comics’ stable. With no discernible superpowers to his name – unless you count an unhealthy tolerance for the around-the-clock intake of bourbon – Castle (played blankly by Thomas Jane) gets by purely on animal aggression and a mean streak that can’t be measured. For anyone ignorant of its pulpy pedigree, however, The Punisher presents itself as little more than a rather cheap and nasty actioner lifted wholesale from the they-killed-his-wife-and-child-and-now-they’re-gonna-pay files. Think Charles Bronson in one of his many Death Wish outings, minus the ugly face. Those prepared to look hard at the supporting cast will catch a few players salvaging some small spoils from the wreckage: most notably, John Travolta having a whale of a time pretending he’s in The Godfather Part IV.
KUNG FU HUSTLE
****
7:30 PM WORLD MOVIES
A brilliantly ballistic barnstormer from Hong Kong, telling the strange tale of a pitched battle between Shanghai crime gangs of the 1940s, and residents of the local slums. The principal setting is Shanghai’s notorious Pig Sty Alley, a set of high-rise hovels owned, operated and outlandishly protected by the no-nonsense Landlady (Yuen Qiu). The Landlady is a real piece of work: the Uma Thurman of Kill Bill catapulted into middle-age, with hair in curlers, fag hanging out the side of mouth, and fists and feet in a perpetual flurry. (In an unbelievable chase scene inspired by the Road Runner cartoons, Landlady pursues a would-be assassin in her slippers at speeds topping 200 km/hr.) A crazy storyline later gives way to spectacular sequences powered by forces and fighting skills that are literally out of this world. Extremely violent, but extremely in a league of its own.
MARSHALL
***1/2
9:30 PM WORLD MOVIES
Upon the sad death of actor Chadwick Boseman in August, most of the (rightly glowing) obituaries focused on his starring role in the game-changing Marvel action epic Black Panther. However, across a very short, yet extraordinarily consistent and strong career, Boseman’s favourite work remained his stirring performance in the unjustly overlooked courtroom drama Marshall. Anyone looking to pay tribute to a singular talent gone way too soon should make tracks for this gem. You will not be disappointed in any way. Boseman plays future US Supreme Court Justice Thurgood Marshall in the early throes of a celebrated legal career. The year is 1941, and Marshall has been given a near-impossible case to defend. Joseph Spell (Sterling K. Brown) is a black chauffeur who stands accused of raping his white employer, Eleanor Strubing (Kate Hudson). Spell is not the most trustworthy defendant, but that turns out to be just one of many obstacles placed in Marshall’s path towards a right and just outcome.
YOUR NIGHT IN : THREE MOVIE PICKS FOR STREAMING OR RENTAL
THE AFTERMATH
**1/2
STREAM VIA FOXTEL; OR RENT VIA VARIOUS PLATFORMS
This one goes out to those who can’t get enough of Keira Knightley dressed to the period-era nines, slinking about well-appointed mansions while stealing well-rehearsed glances at well-built males. In a rickety romantic drama that often goes comically close to collapsing, Knightley plays Rachel, a British woman who has just moved into lavish new digs in the German city of Hamburg. The year is 1946, and Rachel’s army officer husband Lewis (Jason Clarke) has commandeered the swank premises while he works on fine-tuning the ongoing Allied occupation of the region. Fatefully, Lewis allows the former resident of his new home to go on living there. Stefan (Alexander Skarsgard) just happens to be the hunkiest widower in Hamburg, a fact not lost on Rachel whenever her spouse ain’t around. Bedroom eyelids will be batted. Shirts slowly unbuttoned. Longing looks will be deployed through windows and into fireplaces alike. Based on the novel by Rhidian Brook.
BABYTEETH (M)
****
RENT VIA VARIOUS PLATFORMS
Milla (Eliza Scanlen) is 16 years old, and may not have too much time left to live. It may all come down to when her recurring bout of cancer next recurs. As for Moses (Toby Wallace), he is 23, and has way too much time on his hands. If he’s not taking drugs, he could be selling them. She is no Juliet, and he certainly ain’t no Romeo. Nevertheless, it is the incongruously gentle and sincere romance that takes hold between the pair that proves the making (and not the breaking) of a fine Australian movie. Intelligently written and very creatively directed, Babyteeth carefully avoids becoming the black comedy or the bleak drama that others telling a similar kind of story might have settled for. While the filmmakers push for something that definitely does amuse and move the viewer, they are not afraid to venture into unknown and refreshingly unpredictable territory. As great as Scanlen (last seen in the recent Hollywood adaptation of Little Women) and Wallace (a rapidly evolving talent) are in the lead roles, the glue that holds the whole thing together is the brilliant pairing of Ben Mendelsohn and Essie Davis as Milla’s concerned, yet supportive parents. Great stuff, this.
BANKSY AND THE RISE OF OUTLAW ART (PG)
***1/2
AMAZON
There has been a stack of documentaries about British guerilla artist Banksy, and this new one just might the best of what has been a very mixed bunch. It does have the perfect, attention-grabbing start working in its favour : the simultaneous sale and shredding of the valuable Banksy painting ‘Girl With a Balloon’ during a Sotheby’s art auction on 2018. From here, writer-director Elio Espana backs off and goes looking for the historical and cultural reasons that hoisted the mysterious figure of Banksy up from the underground. Thanks largely to some well-selected interviewees and excellent use of archival footage, Espana finds what he is looking for. Just as importantly, the doco sheds some welcome light on why art buyers are willing to pay ridiculous money for works of seemingly dubious value. About the only real disappointment here is the movie’s unfulfilled promise of “rare” interviews with Banksy himself. All that we get has been sitting on YouTube for years.
Originally published as Your Night In: Every movie on TV tonight rated and slated