Your night in: Every movie on Melbourne TV tonight - rated and slated
Grab the popcorn and get ready for a night of entertainment. From a punishing urban drama to sugar-sweet coming-of-age affair, here’s what you should be watching on TV tonight.
Leigh Paatsch
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G.I. JOE : RETALIATION (M)
*1/2
8.30pm GO!
Same-ish, lame-ish sequel to 2009’s inexplicable action hit G.I. Joe : Rise of the Cobra. Channing Tatum (Magic Mike) is the marquee draw, but he’s MIA for much of the picture. The literal grunt work is handled by Dwayne Johnson, Bruce Willis and a cavalcade of no-namers. Story? You’re expecting one? OK. The US Prez has gone rogue and ordered a hit on his own G.I. Joe fighting force. They lash back by going rogue themselves. Out comes the ammo. Stuff explodes. More ammo. Baddies die. The End. We hope.
SKY CAPTAIN AND THE WORLD OF TOMORROW (PG)
**
8.30pm VICELAND
A retro-futuristic fantasy steeped very much in the world of ‘yesterday’, a long-forgotten time when zeppelins ruled the skies, men wore hats indoors and, umm, New York was attacked by a squadron of flying robots. Looks quite unlike any movie from its era – this was the first live-action film where all sets and scenery were computer-generated – but the oh-so-virtual reality of it all is purely mindless. Stars Jude Law, Gwyneth Paltrow, Angelina Jolie.
1984 (M)
***
10.25pm VICELAND
The George Orwell novel 1984 has always been the stuff of nightmares, and therefore may not be your best choice of viewing just before bed in these troubled times. Especially when its theme of mass public manipulation by means of targeted misinformation is no longer as far-fetched as it once seemed. The late John Hurt fronts this well-intentioned (if overly stylised) adaptation, which just happened to be released in the year in question.
FAR & AWAY (PG)
**1/2
7.30PM WORLD MOVIES
A period-era romantic drama dating back to the early days of the fabled real-life union of stars Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman. Tommy is Joseph, the poor Irish boy who woos a woman way out of his league. That would be Shannon (Kidman). They wind up wandering about America, hoping to forge a life on the frontier until they are side-tracked by a shortage of funds and an over-supply of bad luck. Not a bad movie in spite of its corny premise, but frustratingly slow by today’s standards.
PRECIOUS (MA15+)
***1/2
10.05pm WORLD MOVIES
This punishing urban drama is no-one’s idea of a fairytale. Some very confronting material - including themes of teen pregnancy, sexual abuse and domestic violence - is addressed with great power (but not always great subtlety) by director Lee Daniels. A strong female cast led by Gabourey Sidibe, Mo’Nique and singer Mariah Carey add both grace and gravity to unbelievably trying circumstances.
ANGER WITHIN : JONAH LOMU
***
8.30pm NITV
The late, great NZ All Black legend Jonah Lomu revolutionised rugby with powerhouse physicality, explosive speed and sheer determination. This French production goes deep into Lomu’s troubled upbringing and emerges with insights most docos would have missed. The Lomu on-field highlights reel is as stunning as ever.
THREE PICKS FOR STREAMING OR RENTAL
BLINDED BY THE LIGHT (PG)
***
rent via FOXTEL STORE, GOOGLE, APPLE TV
By turns corny, ungainly and every so slightly silly, this sugar-sweet coming-of-age affair still comes through the goods by the end. While not exactly a musical, it is the music of legendary American singer-songwriter Bruce Springsteen that fuels the engine of this endearing British movie. The year is 1987, and a young, picked-upon Pakistani student (Viveik Kalra) finds direction in a life going nowhere after discovering the inspiration songbook of the bloke they call ‘The Boss’. If the joyous sequence set to ‘Born to Run’ doesn’t put a smile on your dial, another Springsteen anthem will get you at some point. From the director of Bend It Like Beckham.
SPIDER-MAN: FAR FROM HOME (M)
***1/2
FOXTEL, AMAZON
While still mourning the tragic passing of his mentor Tony ‘Iron Man’ Stark, Peter Parker (Tom Holland) heads to Europe where he hopes to strike a new romantic spark with old flame MJ (Zendaya). It isn’t long before Peter’s travels sync with crises only his Spidey alter ego can quell. Expect a little romance, a little more goofy, geeky comedy, and a lot of breakage and fights at popular Euro-tourist hot-spots. Some nice work on the sly from new franchise recruit Jake Gyllenhaal as the enigmatic Mysterio.
HOME (PG)
**1/2
BINGE, FOXTEL, AMAZON
Pleasant animated adventure for the younger set, more likely to be enjoyed by primary schoolers than their elder siblings. There has been an alien invasion of our planet, which is now controlled by a cute and colourful interplanetary species known as the Boov. They’re a bit like the minions from Despicable Me, only with a better wardrobe and a proper vocab. A basic tale centres on a friendship that blossoms between a lonely Boov outcast (voiced by Jim Parsons from TV’s Big Bang Theory) and a young human fugitive (Rihanna, all over the soundtrack as well).
Originally published as Your night in: Every movie on Melbourne TV tonight - rated and slated