Mega free-to-air weekend movie guide
Comedy, superheroes, drama, musicals and romance … the small screen has it all over the coming nights. Leigh Paatsch reveals the ones to watch and the ones to avoid.
Leigh Paatsch
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SATURDAY
MAMMA MIA!
**1/2
7:30 PM CH. 9
As a movie, this hackneyed adaptation of the hit stage musical runs the gamut from imperfectly adequate to flat-out awful. However, as a movie musical – or crazed, celeb-powered karaoke session, take your pick – Mamma Mia! is an undeniably efficient delivery system for the pure pop perfection of ABBA. Meryl Streep does the lion’s share of the warbling, playing the mother of a bride-to-be with missing-father issues. Stand well back when Pierce Brosnan bursts into song. The glorious Greek island setting is a major saving grace. There are times where Meryl leans so hard on her very literal way of physically emoting the lyrics, that you worry for her mental health. During her rendition of The Winner Takes it All, Streep seems to signing the words to deaf people on the moon.
GET OUT
*****
10:45 PM GO!
Do not be distracted by where the hell this superb American horror film came from in the first place. You should be more worried about the final place it intends to take you. The smartest thing to do is leave aside any misgivings you may hold about the horror genre. For this is one of the great movie experiences of the past decade. Chris (Daniel Kaluuya) is a young African-American photographer who has been invited by his white girlfriend Rose (Allison Williams) to meet her parents for the first time. Though Mum (Catherine Keener) and Dad (Bradley Whitford) are gracious hosts, Chris cannot suppress intensifying feelings something is slightly off about his debut visit. There is nothing remotely off about the filmmaking debut of writer-director Jordan Peele (one half of leading comedy duo Key and Peele), who cleverly positions the movie’s noticeably few chills and jolts as camouflage for a subversive social commentary on race, sex and class. Very well made, very well thought out, and very, very entertaining.
IT
****
10.00PM 7MATE
This spooky adaptation of the old Stephen King book is sure to force a global spike in outbreaks of coulrophobia. That’s the fear of clowns, in case you didn’t know. However, once you get to know It’s big-shoed, red-nosed protagonist, Pennywise (played by Bill Skarsgard), there’s every chance you’ll be a coulrophobic for life. Pennywise is a Freddy Krueger of the fairgrounds who spends the summer in the same small town every 27 years. Any child crossing paths with this creepy freak scores a one-way ticket to the missing persons list. While scary enough to have you avoiding circuses, street parades and birthday parties forevermore, It is also a very well-made, well-acted movie that can easily claim a place as one of the year’s best. Not just for its unsettling collection of eerie, vanished-kid shocks to the system. But also for some accessibly illuminating and involving storytelling, which often recalls an entire season of the Netflix classic Stranger Things administered in one powerful two-hour dose.
MISS PREGRINE’S HOME FOR PECULIAR CHILDREN
**
7.30 PM CH. 7
A stilted, stop-start fantasy adventure from director Tim Burton (Dark Shadows). Asa Butterfield (Hugo) stars as Jake, a Florida teenager trying to solve the mysterious death of his grandfather. A less-than-urgent quest eventually lands Jake and his dad (Chris O’Dowd) in Wales, where the ruins of an old orphanage hold some strange clues. It is here Jake suddenly finds himself in 1943, with the facility still operating in full flight. The orphanage turns out to be quite like Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters from the X-Men movies, only with a Groundhog Day twist: the supernaturally talented students and their unworldly guardian Miss Peregrine (Eva Green) are living the same day over and over again. Nothing much wrong with the fantasy elements of the tale, but the dull, convoluted screenplay is a wriggling sack of rules, regulations, conditions and explanations simply dumped on the floor for us to sift through on our own time. Based on the young- adult bestseller by Ransom Riggs.
PITCH PERFECT 2
**
9:40 PM CH. 9
Very much a fans-only affair. Of course, given there are so many fans of the original Pitch Perfect – a breezy breakout hit in 2012 – a sequel serving up more of the same will probably do just nicely. For the uninitiated, more of the same means wall-to-wall a cappella singing routines, broken up by lots of wonky comedy, a little romance and an unbreakable girl-gang camaraderie. A slender storyline covers an international comeback from disgrace at home for collegiate competition songbirds The Barden Bellas. The overall effect is not unlike a couple of Glee episodes tacked together for no particular reason, other than to keep the catchy songs and sketchy gags coming. While the plentiful and diverse musical offerings can’t really be faulted, the comedy cupboard is disappointingly bare when it comes to any fresh humour in play. Stars Anna Kendrick, Rebel Wilson, Hailee Steinfeld.
A FEW LESS MEN
(no stars)
11:50 PM CH. 9
Nobody in their right mind could have wished for a sequel to the awful 2011 Australian comedy A Few Best Men. However, if the original movie was like being trapped in a lift with someone suffering a gaseous complaint, its successor is like being thrown down a lift shaft into an open sewer. The sub-lowbrow high- jinks on offer appear to have been cobbled together from deleted scenes from any old Inbetweeners, American Pie or Weekend at Bernie’s instalment you’ve long chosen to forget. Newlywed wet blanket David (Xavier Samuel) must accompany the body of his dead best man Luke (James Helm) back to his native England for burial. Tagging along for the specially chartered trans-continental flight – which soon crashes in the WA outback – are David’s dimwit buddies Tom (Kris Marshall) and Graham (Kevin Bishop). This trio of lunkheads then lug the cold, dead body of their friend from one cold, dead comedic setup to another. Moronically mucky. Avoid.
JOHNNY ENGLISH
*1/2
7:30 PM GEM
The first episode in Rowan Atkinson’s long-running series is a tired, sketchy affair, with the star of Mr Bean and Blackadder doing the fumbling, bumbling secret-agent thing with little energy or enthusiasm. Right down there with the worst of Peter Sellers’ Pink Panther quickies. Co-stars Natalie Imbruglia and John Malkovich.
HOTEL TRANSYLVANIA
***1/2
7:00 PM GO!
There’s a wow factor to this vibrant animated comedy that just does not let up. It all starts with the madcap premise: the notorious vampire Count Dracula now runs a luxury resort for ghouls, ghosts and gremlins. Maybe not the first choice for small children, but anyone over 6 will have a ball. Stars the voices of Adam Sandler, Selena Gomez.
ADDAMS FAMILY VALUES
***
8:50 PM GO!
If you didn’t like the original Addams Family movie, there’s plenty happening in this far superior sequel. Fester finds love and, umm, takes a bath. Morticia has a baby, and Pugsley and Wednesday keep trying to kill it. Meanwhile Gomez (Raul Julia in cracking form) constantly jumps out of his skin at the sight of Morticia’s extended arm. Thing does his usual thing, Cousin It still has it, and Lurch lurches around as only he knows how.
SCHOOL OF ROCK
****
8:30 PM 10 SHAKE
The perfect casting of Jack Black as a failed rocker re-inventing himself as a schoolteacher brings about one of the funniest comedies ever set at an educational facility. Black *turns it up to 11* in every scene, throwing shapes, striking poses and zealously preaching the healing power of rock, never once selling-out to the threat of cute, kiddie-friendly fare.
THE SCOUTS GUIDE TO THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE
*
10:50 PM 10 SHAKE
Imagine Shaun of the Dead, only with a packet of no-name American teen noodles in the lead roles, and jokes so resistant to laughs they could cover the planet in tumbleweeds. So it goes for this brown paper bag full of cinematic wet waste, flung at the screen for your viewing pleasure. Sit down the back and make sure none of it gets on you, or you’ll be showering for days to make the smell go away.
CHARLIE WILSON’S WAR
***
9:30 PM SBS
Tom Hanks stars in the true story of a Texan politician whose backroom wheeling and dealing arguably drove the Russians out of Afghanistan (and thereby brought an end to the Cold War!). A curiously bright work for a supposed black comedy, featuring the wired wordplay (and sly digs at Washington wildlife) of writer Aaron Sorkin, creator of TV’s The West Wing. Co-stars Julia Roberts.
WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS
***1/2
8:30 PM WORLD MOVIES
Made on a low budget in New Zealand, this very funny film chronicles the everyday – or rather, everynight – lives of four bloodsuckers sharing a rundown flat in suburban Wellington. Our time spent with this crew amounts to no more than a collection of semi-improvised comic sketches, with an occasional formal interview thrown in (a la This is Spinal Tap) to keep the jokes coming at rapid speed. However, despite the simple structure – and a crack at every obvious vampire gag in the book – the film remains highly amusing from beginning to end. Stars Jemaine Clement (Flight of the Conchords). Written and directed by Taika Waititi (Jojo Rabbit, Hunt for the Wilderpeople).
SUNDAY
GARFIELD: A TALE OF TWO KITTIES
**
6:30 PM
A slight improvement over the original, even if nothing much has changed. The cat is still fat and lazy. The cat still thinks his owner is a dork. The cat can still inhale large doses of lasagna just like that. Nevertheless, a switch of location to the UK sprinkles just enough fresh conceptual kitty litter for the star to do his stuff. Stars the voice of Bill Murray.
MESSAGE IN A BOTTLE
**1/2
8:15 PM
Middling romantic drama, in which Kevin Costner is a boat-building widower who has been throwing love letters to his dead wife into the surf. Newspaper researcher Robin Wright Penn finds one of these morbid valentines and decides she would like to get to know the author. She tracks Kev down to his remote coastal lodgings, and sets about letting her loose lips sink his ships. This film stays afloat for the first two-thirds of its journey, thanks to a pair of nicely understated performances by Costner and Penn, and the occasional cantankerous interruption by Paul Newman. It is only in the last half-hour that the distress flares are required, when the filmmakers return to the “will they finally get back together?” well just once too often.
GI JOE: ROSE OF THE COBRA
*
7:30 PM GO!
Hup! Two! Three! Snore. This ultra-violent, incoherent and utterly underwhelming action flick – based on a line of little boys’ toys – cost more than 300 million bucks in today’s money to produce. Most of the money was pumped into the movie’s special effects, which were indeed top-of-the-line for the time. The script, however, is sub-bottom-of-the-barrel stuff, a cheap’n’blasty celebration of the worst cartoon warfare imaginable. You’d think it would be impossible not to extract some fun from a tale climaxing with a nuclear attack on the Eiffel Tower. But the filmmakers found a way. Stars Channing Tatum, Sienna Miller.
THE EXPENDABLES
*1/2
9:50 PM GO!
Under the uncreative control of Sly Stallone as director, writer and leading man, this Neanderthal action flick bulls-eyes so-bad-it’s-sad from the get-go. The featured cast (comprised of Jason Statham, Jet Li, some wrestlers and ultimate fighters of moderate repute, and assorted D-listers like Eric Roberts) rarely give the impression they’re all that interested in what is going on. However, this is very much Stallone’s movie, which he goes ahead and ruins with his terrible non-acting and that eerie, mobilised-waxwork appearance he is now sporting. As for The Expendables’ story of a group of mercenaries on a suicide mission to South America, well, it is a moronic throwback to the gory glory days of Stallone’s own Rambo series. Expungeable.
YOUNG & BEAUTIFUL
**1/2
11:10 PM WORLD MOVIES
Moderately diverting character study of a young French woman who goes from innocent virgin student to experienced call girl in a matter of months. The reasons for this sudden change of lifestyle remain as enigmatic as the expressions of lead actress Marine Vacth and the motives of writer-director Francois Ozon (Swimming Pool). File under ‘sophisticatedly seedy.’
Originally published as Mega free-to-air weekend movie guide