Every movie on TV tonight rated, plus five picks for streaming, rentals
A Bond film, an Adam Sandler classic and something for the kids — Leigh Paatsch reviews every movie on TV tonight, plus five of the best from streaming and rental services.
Leigh Paatsch
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THE HOLIDAY (M)
***
9.00pm Ch. 7
A syrupy, star-studded romantic comedy from popular writer-director Nancy Meyers (Something’s Gotta Give). Cameron Diaz and Kate Winslet swap addresses in the US and UK for the Christmas holidays, and both get great new guys (Jude Law and Jack Black respectively) as house-warming presents. Not much more than a trans-Atlantic take on the same gloopy matters addressed by Love Actually, but it an effective date movie nonetheless.
DOLPHIN TALE (PG)
***
6.00pm 7FLIX
Unassailably wholesome family picture saved from sticky blandness by the fascinating true story it has to share. After becoming caught in a fishing trap, a dolphin named Winter loses its tailfin. Enter plucky 11-year-old Sawyer (Nathan Gamble), who comes up with a brilliant idea that will save Winter from a life of captivity. If humans can cheat the curse of immobility through the fitting of artificial limbs, why can’t the same principle be applied to dolphins? A nice little outing for young nature enthusiasts, even if the performances are uniformly stilted. Except for the lead role, which, remarkably, is played by the real Winter herself!
THE WATER DIVINER (M)
***1/2
8.30pm 7FLIX
A sobering, yet uplifting ANZAC drama amounts to a successful passion project for Russell Crowe. The Oscar-winning actor assuredly takes charge of proceedings both before and (in making his long-threatened directorial debut) behind the cameras. Though the story told here is intrinsically linked to our nation’s enduring remembrance of those who well fell with honour in Turkey during World War 1, it is hardly a conventional reading of the Gallipoli experience. Crowe plays Joshua Connor, an Australian farmer still mourning the tragic loss of all three of his soldier sons on the same fateful night at Gallipoli in August 1915. With the whereabouts of their remains still classified as unknown in late 1919, Connor travels alone to Turkey to find closure on his own terms. A number of well-shot combat sequences drive home the dire consequences of war with great intensity and soulful insight. Though not without its flaws, Crowe continually locates the right depth of emotion at the right time.
MR. RIGHT (MA15+)
**1/2
10.45pm 7FLIX
This is what happens when you absolutely nail the casting for a movie perpetually about to fall apart: a slender triumph for sheer talent over compromised content. In a Tarantino-twenty-years-too-late take on the rom-com, Sam Rockwell (The Way, Way Back) stars as Francis, a hitman who has never let a gruesome job get in the way of a great relationship. Anna Kendrick (Pitch Perfect) is his new girlfriend Martha, the one-time proud owner of a hot mess of a life until she meets the man of her dreams. So what if he’s the man of everybody else’s nightmares? There is enough electricity transferred back and forth between Rockwell and Kendrick to power a small town, and it is all too easy for the pair to keep zapping the film back to life whenever it dies in your estimation. Teamed together on another project in the future, these two could really be something. Co-stars Tim Roth, RZA.
ROMEO MUST DIE (M)
*1/2
10.50pm 7MATE
A wonky vehicle for one-time martial arts superstar Jet Li. Here Jet’s engines backfire by allowing himself to become a special-effects plaything rather than an arbiter of artful, athletic aggression. In at least half a dozen scenes in Romeo Must Die, Jet jumps, thumps, bumps and grinds his adversaries to a pulp with the aid of computer-generated trickery. When Jet leaps two metres in the air and unleashes 360 degrees worth of kicks to eight empty heads, the hi-tech fakery leaves him looking about as dangerous as Wreck-It Ralph.
SKYFALL (M)
****
8.30pm Ch. 9
One of the most exciting and commandingly compelling 007 adventures. After barely surviving a bungled assignment in Turkey, James Bond (played with grit, gravity and self- deprecation by Daniel Craig) must come to the aid of his embattled boss M (Judi Dench) in London. Javier Bardem all but steals the Skyfall show with his depiction of one of the best Bond villains ever. You will have to wait until the one-hour mark for the preening psychotic known as Silva to make his entrance, but you will be blown away when he finally does appear.
GOOD PEOPLE (M)
**1/2
11.25pm Ch. 9
Solid enough second-tier thriller. Kate Hudson and James Franco star as a financially embattled young couple who stumble upon a windfall that was once in the possession of a now-deceased neighbour. As that fella won’t be spending it, what’s the harm in them splashin’ a little of that cash? A lot of harm, as it turns out.
A BRIDGE TOO FAR (M)
7.30pm GEM
A rollicking, it slightly ropy rendition of WW2’s Operation Market Garden in September 1944. It is here the Allies took their chances to take control of several strategically vital bridges in the Netherlands in the hope of definitively breaking Nazi supply lines. Does have its flat spots, but does have a top-notch cast to keep boredom at bay (such as Sean Connery, Dirk Bogarde, Michael Caine and James Caan).
THE ELEPHANT MAN (PG)
11.10pm GEM
Flawless interpretation of the hit stage play about a Victorian Era gent living with a confronting physical affliction. Almost impossible to find anywhere in the streaming world at the moment. Collector’s item TV, then! Stars John Hurt. Directed by David Lynch.
BIG DADDY (PG)
**1/2
7.30pm GO
Some so-so Adam Sandler for the evening. He plays Sandy Koufax, a semi-qualified lawyer dumped by a girlfriend understandably frustrated by his lack of ambition. To win her back, Sandy launches upon a harebrained to scheme of adopting a young child to prove he has what it takes as a model citizen. What follows is essentially a lengthy series of sketches of varying quality, in which Sandy develops a new form of parenting that really just boils down to letting 5-year-old mischief-maker Julian (played by identical twins Cole and Dylan Sprouse) do whatever he likes.
THE LONGEST YARD (M)
**
9.20pm GO
Some so-so Adam Sandler for the evening. As it is an Adam Sandler film about gridiron football, there is one scene you just know is going to happen: a painfully direct collision between a stationary groin and a pigskin projectile. Again, being an Adam Sandler film, the filmmakers launch another crotch-seeking missile at the same target less than a minute later. Just in case you missed it the first time. This remake of the 1974 sports comedy-drama The Longest Yard is hardly a classic. But then again, neither was the original Burt Reynolds-starring version.
TRUMBO (M)
***
11.15pm SBS
Bryan Cranston (Breaking Bad) does a fair job in the title role, the ideological figurehead of ‘The Hollywood Ten’. This group of Tinseltown talents fell foul of US authorities during a nationwide witch-hunt for Communist sympathisers in the late 1940s. Trumbo himself did jail time for sticking to his fundamental beliefs. This well-meaning production does justice to the tale, even if it doesn’t make the most of it. Co-stars Diane Lane, John Goodman.
SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE (MA 15+)
****1/2
9.35pm WORLD MOVIES
A soft-hearted fairytale told with a hard-headed social conscience, every scene coursing with energy, emotion, colour and, above all else, pure life. You will be hooked from the opening scene, where a poor young contestant on the Indian version of TV’s Who Wants to be a Millionaire? is accused of cheating while just one question away from landing the jackpot. Across a series of heart-rending, uplifting flashbacks, we learn how the poverty-stricken hero accumulated the knowledge that brought him to this fateful moment. Directed by Danny Boyle (Trainspotting, Sunshine).
SEXY BEAST (MA15+)
****
9.15pm WORLD MOVIES
A stylish, innovative and utterly compelling British crime drama which has stood the test of time very well indeed. Ray Winstone is a retired con living the high life in sun-drenched Spain until an old cohort (a mesmerisingly menacing Ben Kingsley) comes a’callin’ to play the old “one last job” card. What develops from here is exceptionally hard to predict, especially when Kingsley suddenly disappears, leaving Winstone to complete the assignment without him.
SELKIE (G)
*
7.30pm NITV
What can you say about a locally-produced children’s movie that means well, but will not mean that much at all to its target audience? At best, all factors on display (and that includes half-hearted performances, blotchy special effects and an incredibly forced plot about a half-boy-half-seal) would barely pass afternoon TV standards, let alone the demands that 21st century kids place on what they are shown.
BEND IT LIKE BECKHAM (2002)
****
7.30pm WORLD MOVIES
An unashamedly feel-good soccer comedy that is sharper than Cristiano Ronaldo’s latest haircut, has better vision than your average linesman and is more uplifting than winning on penalties in extra time. Those viewers unfamiliar with the ways of the round ball will also get a kick out of this winning English fixture, which uses a game plan cribbed from Billy Elliot, yet scores several goals of its own making with considerable flair and skill. A highly accessible storyline centres on a young Indian woman (Parminder Nagra) wanting to be herself in a world that wants her to be like everyone else. Co-stars Keira Knightley.
THE NIGHT IN: FIVE MOVIE PICKS FOR STREAMING OR RENTAL
BAD BOYS FOR LIFE (MA15+)
***
RENT VIA GOOGLE, ITUNES, YOUTUBE MOVIES
Twenty-five years may have passed since their first assignment, but Bad Boys will always be Bad Boys. So if you expect headliners Will Smith and Martin Lawrence to have suddenly become the most mature cops in Miami, you have definitely come to the wrong movie. Lawrence remains the more panicky and punchline-prone of the two as Marcus, now on the verge of grandparenthood and (hopefully) a cruisy retirement. Of course, Will Smith is the debonair and daring one. His character, Mike, thinks he can keep on culling crooks until he croaks. Each should know by now not to make too many plans for the future. Especially since a former Mexican drug baroness (Kate del Castillo) and her psycho son (Jacob Scipio) have Mike in their sights, and will not be caring if Marcus gets in the way. The action sequences (a long-time strength of the Bad Boys franchise) trade in the right combo of spectacularly combustive and conspicuously ridiculous.
POKEMON DETECTIVE PIKACHU (PG) ***
FOXTEL, NETFLIX
While devotees of the Pokemon gaming experience will largely love what happens here, the non-converted will also walk away relatively non-disenchanted. The setting is the Blade Runner-esque metropolis of Ryme City, where that cuddly little yellow fellow Pikachu (voiced by Deadpool star Ryan Reynolds) is helping a troubled young man, Tim (Justice Smith), come to grips with the death of his father. Sporting a little Sherlock Holmes hat, Pikachu is just the right combination of adorable and all-knowing. The plotting, of course, is of little consequence, but the overall vibe remains much more enjoyable than it should be.
THE CHILDREN ACT (M)
****
FOXTEL, NETFLIX
This gripping adaptation of the Ian McEwan novel of the same name is well worth checking out, as Emma Thompson makes light work of a heavy role in very impressive fashion. She plays Fiona Maye, a conscientious judge who must rule on a life-and-death situation facing a strictly religious family. Their faith prohibits a blood transfusion that could reverse a terminal diagnosis for Adam (Fionn Whitehead), a gravely ill teenage boy. Fiona takes some uncharacteristic measures in determining Adam’s fate, moves which could be influenced by her crumbling relationship with a dissatisfied and neglected husband (Stanley Tucci). A fiercely intelligent and quietly provocative drama for mature audiences.
THE GUARD (MA15+)
****
STAN, RENT VIA GOOGLE, ITUNES, YOUTUBE MOVIES
A shifty, cunning and gloriously off-kilter affair from Ireland. Gleeson is brilliant as the maverick country cop who keeps moving the line between lawful and lawless as he sees fit. Not even the FBI’s finest (Cheadle) can deal with this rogue enforcer, who doesn’t realise three international drug kingpins have just hit town. Amusing, exciting, even touching – and always when you least expect it to be so.
BLACKKKLANSMAN (MA15+)
****
NETFLIX
A gripping true story is almost too bizarre to be taken seriously, if not for the unsettling fact it concerns the dreaded US racist group the Ku Klux Klan. Newcomer John David Washington (son of Denzel) stars as Ron Stallworth, an African-American police detective who brought down a powerful chapter of the KKK in the 1970s by infiltrating it from within. While Stallworth works the phones and climbs the chain of command until he gets inside the head of clinical KKK strategist David Duke (Topher Grace), a fellow Jewish cop (Adam Driver) reluctantly enters the Klan’s HQ as Stallworth’s white alter ego. A film of deceptively outspoken contemporary relevance.
MORE LEIGH PAATSCH:
28 THINGS TO WATCH IF YOU’RE STUCK AT HOME
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