Every movie on TV tonight rated or slated
Blockbusters from Whitney Houston, Leonardo DiCaprio and Meryl Streep headline tonight’s movie line-up. We’ve rated every film on TV tonight to help you make the most of your Tuesday night in.
Leigh Paatsch
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THE BODYGUARD (M)
**
8.30PM 7FLIX
The script for The Bodyguard, written in the mid-Seventies, was rejected by scores of agents and producers before nearly being made into a film starring Diana Ross and Steve McQueen. Just imagine had that version been made instead of this so-so tissue soaker? The late Whitney Houston stars as an Oscar-bound actor stalked by a demented fan, while Kevin Costner plays the stoic, yet loveable protector who comes to her rescue. A movie that would not be so fondly remembered was it not for Houston’s roof-raising rendition of the belting ballad I Will Always Love You.
MAMMA MIA! HERE WE GO AGAIN (PG)
***
8.30PM, CH.9
This is a rare movie sequel that markedly improves upon everything everybody so enjoyed about the original. That first movie was just a jukebox musical reimagined as an all-ABBA karaoke session, conducted on cut-price ouzo night. The sequel pulls off the same feat as before, boosted by a sure shot of pure, giddy uplift. Though the soundtrack must mostly make do with second-choice selections from the Swedish supergroup’s bulky back-catalogue, the songs used are, for the most part, beautifully, joyfully and (thank heavens) tunefully handled. Lily James is wonderful as a younger incarnation of (a conspicuously absent) Meryl Streep, while the spectacular final-act entrance of Cher to belt out Fernando takes the entire party to a gleeful next level. Co-stars Amanda Seyfried, Colin Firth.
HANNIBAL (MA15+)
*
8.40PM GEM
Everything about this decade-after-the-fact sequel to Silence of the Lambs is well and truly off the money. And money deposited straight into the bank account of Mr Anthony Hopkins is about the only reason this unnecessary and underwhelming effort even came to exist in the first place. Indicative of how much of a clunker this whole charade is: even the usually great Julianne Moore (replacing Jodie Foster as FBI Agent Clarice Starling) stinks out the joint. Avoid.
HANNA (M)
****
7.30PM GO!
A breathless and supremely assured mash-up of Run Lola Run and The Professional, Hanna storms off the screen as one of the better original action releases of the past decade. A one-time contract assassin has trained his daughter in the dark arts from a very early age. Now a teenager, Hanna (Saoirse Ronan) must travel across Europe to avenge the death of her mother. With her bleach-white skin, vacant gaze and unshakeable resolve, Hanna is a tricky-to-process mix of vulnerability and viciousness. Ronan helps us understand this ethereal figure, even though we can rarely relate to her. Factor-in the impeccable support of the Australian duo Eric Bana (his best effort in many years) and Cate Blanchett (a top-notch villainess!), and you’re looking at a perfect package of pulsating chills and pulpy thrills.
SHAFT (MA15+)
**1/2
9.40PM GO!
In a perfect world, this respectable (enough) remake of the 1970s blaxploitation classic Shaft should have been remembered for coining a viral catchphrase to rival Jerry Maguire’s “Show me the money!” In the closest this straightforward action pic gets near a love scene, a generously-proportioned barmaid inquires of the title character (Samuel L. Jackson) whether he will be paying attention to certain regions of her anatomy in the near future. With a disarming air of self-assurance that stops just short of winking direct to camera, Mr Shaft replies “it’s my dooty to please that booty!”
THE DARJEELING LIMITED (M)
***
9.30PM WORLD MOVIES
A year after the death of their father, three brothers reunite for a soul-searching trip across India. A mild, but effectively amusing dose of sensitive new-age whimsy from director Wes Anderson (The Royal Tenenbaums). Stars Owen Wilson, Adrien Brody, Jason Schwartzman.
THREE MOVIE PICKS FOR STREAMING OR RENTAL
JOJO RABBIT (M)
***1/2
rent via GOOGLE, ITUNES, YOUTUBE MOVIES
Described by writer-director Taika Waititi (Hunt for the Wilderpeople) as “an anti-hate satire,” Jojo Rabbit is a genial coming-of-age comedy that is definitely not for everyone. However, it will appeal to more than many will assume on first impressions. And a first impression drawn from its synopsis might be the last straw for some viewers. So what is the sticking point here? Well, the movie is set in Nazi Germany of the 1940s. The innocent young hero (played wonderfully by youngster Roman Griffin Davis) who discovers his mother is hiding a Jewish girl in their home continually turns to an imaginary friend for advice. The name of that imaginary friend? Adolf Hitler. Remarkably, Waititi snatches triumph from the jaws of folly with an inspired and touching work that won’t be forgotten in a hurry. Starring Scarlett Johansson, Taika Waititi, Sam Rockwell.
THE CLEANERS (M)
***
STAN; or rent via GOOGLE, YOUTUBE MOVIES
What if doing your job meant opening a window looking out on to the worst of humanity, and then staring long and hard at the view? This is the question posed by a bluntly unsettling new documentary about the secret world of content moderation on the internet. This solemn investigative report primarily focuses on censorship farms located in the Philippines, where third-party moderation companies are paid by social media mega-companies like Facebook and Twitter to clean up all kinds of messes made by their users. It is here we find thousands of low-salaried Filipinos sitting at computer monitors all day long, repeatedly seeing and reading things most of us would rather not witness at all. Not surprisingly, many of these people are experiencing psychological after-effects from so many regular shocks to their system (a typical moderator is expected to churn through 25,000 images and posts per day). If you do have an interest in how the internet can both shape and shred today’s world, this is definitely worth the look.
INCEPTION (M)
****
NETFLIX
Along with Leonardo DiCaprio, Tom Hardy is a key figure in this convoluted tale of dreams within dreams, and burglary of the subconscious. In some scenes, the mind-bending innovation on display suggests it is about to break open into a full-blown classic. Other scenes are so mind-numbingly hard to follow that a collapse into grand folly seems imminent. One of the most divisive must-sees of our time.
Originally published as Every movie on TV tonight rated or slated
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