What’s your dishwasher stacking style: Dog’s breakfast or clean architectural lines?

When I stack the dishwasher, everything has its place: cutlery in groups, plates aligned. When my wife stacks the dishwasher, it’s like a dog’s breakfast. Can you tell something about people’s personalities by looking into their dishwashers?
R.K., Windsor, NSW

Credit: Illustration by Simon Letch

You just want me to say that you’re better than your wife because you stack the dishwasher with meticulous precision, and she chucks things in there until she can’t force the door closed any more. And I will say it: you are better, and so am I. I take my dishwasher-stacking extremely seriously. I can spend ages shifting plates in micro-increments, angling Tupperware by sub-degrees, fitting bowls inside bowls inside bowls, just so I can squeeze in one final tiny teacup that would have taken 12 seconds to rinse in the sink. In fact, your question has inspired me to devise a dishwasher-stacking personality test, exactly like the famous Myers-Briggs one, except renamed the Miele-Bosch test. Just answer the following three questions to work out your Miele-Bosch Personality Type.

1. Do cutlery handles go up or down? (Answer: You want dried-on fork-prong cloggage? Down, obviously! Embarrassing that I needed to ask.)
2. Can plastic cutting boards go in a dishwasher? (Answer: Sure, if you want a curved cutting board that you can also use as a skateboard ramp.)
3. How do you stack champagne flutes? (Answer: You don’t. Trick question. You wash them by hand, delicately and carefully, until you slash your finger-webbing on a chipped rim.)

Three out of three? Congratulations! You’re a Superior Stacker: logical, passionate, determined, with a pleasing, sparkling finish.

Two out of three? Not bad. You’re a Spontaneous Stacker: imaginative, enthusiastic, but you can’t always cut through the stubborn grime of life.

One or less: sorry but you’re a Slacker Stacker. A Dishwasher Dropkick. A lazy, unfocused Cutlery Basket Case.

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