How can I avoid my friend’s Trump-worshipping husband?

I have a milestone birthday party coming up and I’m looking forward to celebrating with friends. One of my oldest friends is married to a far-right, Trump-worshipping, racist, misogynistic narcissist. I don’t want him there, ruining my party. Any suggestions?
K.S., Middle Park, Vic

Credit: Illustration by Simon Letch

We’ve all got someone like this in our lives, whether it’s a friend’s partner or a family member or, in my case, a regular at my local dog park who loves Trump and has a golden retriever named Donnie who tries humping all the spoodles. We all know someone whose views we detest and whose personality we loathe and whose dopey face we’d like to thwack with a stick of cabanossi, but we can’t do anything about it because they’re stuck in our world and we’re socially connected. If we found ourselves alone together in a cabanossi factory, we’d just have to walk out. Just walk straight out of there.

Of course, this person probably feels the same way about us. To them, we’re the dopes with the appalling views on global peace and kindness towards our fellow human beings. So, since both parties can’t stand each other equally, maybe honesty is the way to go. Just tell your friend that you don’t want her husband at your party because the two of you clash: you think he’s a far-right, Trump-worshipping, racist, misogynistic narcissist, and he possibly has issues with you, too (though you can’t understand why).

If that’s too risky for the friendship, just make your birthday party a Kamala-themed, tree-hugging, lefty party where everyone has to bring a ukulele for a group performance of Taylor Swift songs and a 45-minute rendition of John Lennon’s Imagine. If he doesn’t show up, you win. And if he shows up in a Kamala wig with a ukulele, you still kind of win.

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