Every year, my close friends forget my birthday. Do I just accept it?

I’ve known my friends for 20 years. We’ve weathered divorces, raising kids, changing jobs and the loss of parents. Yet every single year, without fail, they forget my birthday. Social media will occasionally save the day with a last-minute nudge, but most years, radio silence. Should I just accept my fate as The Forgotten One?
S.H., Caringbah, NSW

Credit: Illustration by Simon Letch

Lots of people – some of them even over the age of 12 – are really into celebrating their birthdays. But not me: I see no pleasure in celebrating my rapid decline into decrepitude. I’m terrible at faking gratitude for crap gifts. I have intimacy issues when it comes to birthday hugs, kisses or direct eye contact. Cake makes me bloat. Balloons freak me out. And I’m sickened by all the trees that were slaughtered to make disposable birthday wrapping paper (some of it even decorated with green-leaf patterns in a cruelly ironic botanical twist).

Personally, I’d be thrilled if friends forgot my birthday, as long as they were okay with me forgetting theirs – and anniversaries and the names of their kids. Look, I don’t know a thing about you. You may be unmemorable, unlikeable, unhygienic – but maybe this is the direction you need to take, too. Just become a birthday non-acknowledger and if friends ask why you forgot theirs, say, “Oh, I thought we weren’t doing that any more. Happy to start again. Mine first!”

Otherwise, you’re going to have to force your friends to give you birthday love. Post a birthday countdown on social media, hourly. Share a Google calendar with nothing on it but your birthday. Host your own birthday party, bake your own cake, invite everyone around and then pretend it’s a big surprise. Although if you’re the only one whose birthday is being forgotten, and it happens consistently, maybe it’s time to find new friends. Ones who love birthdays. But maybe stick to over-12s.

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