While sitting on a crowded train, a young woman standing beside me lost her balance when the carriage jolted. My instinct was to catch her on my lap, but, fortunately, she righted herself. As a man, I was left wondering if this action would have been construed as inappropriate.
A.A., Caulfield South, Vic

In that split second, when that young woman’s safety was in peril, you weren’t thinking about where your hands were going or what your lap was catching or even whether you were wearing pants. Your brain had activated Emergency Just-Do-Something Mode, which overrides all the worry hormones being secreted by your Overthinking Gland (situated at the base of your Should-I?-Or-Shouldn’t-I? ganglion).

And in that exact, same split second, this young woman wasn’t thinking about you.

Her brain had activated Emergency Don’t-Hurt-Yourself Mode: she was just hoping for a soft landing spot if she fell over – and a comfy, cushioned lap would’ve been a much preferred option to a hard floor or out the train window.

So because both parties had activated their Emergency Brain Modes, if you’d have caught this woman on your lap, there would’ve been nothing inappropriate about it, just mutual relief. She’d have said, “Sorry”, you’d have said, “Glad you didn’t land elbow-first”, she’d have stood up quickly, someone sitting nearby would’ve sung a couple of bars of Getting to Know You from The King and I, an old couple across the aisle would’ve chuckled because they were the only people on board who understood the painfully outdated musical reference – and that would’ve been the end of it. Though when one of you got off the train, you might have thrown each other a tiny, parting side-smile, as if to say, “Hey, we shared a beautiful moment of humanity and altruism. Here’s hoping we never see each other again.”

guru@goodweekend.com.au

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