This was published 5 years ago
Queue love: a smile, a note and a little frisson goes a long way
By Jane Albert
Five years ago, high school teacher Richard Wheeldon, 41, exchanged a smile with designer Haline Ly, 38, in a supermarket queue. He slipped her a note; they met up that night. They are now married and have two children.
"We started chatting, but the conversation wasn’t great … I didn’t really dazzle her with my mighty intellect."Credit: Louise Kennerley
HALINE: It was one of those lazy Saturdays. I'd rolled out of bed and gone out to do a quick shop. I always smile at the person behind me in the supermarket queue when I put out the divider on the checkout conveyor belt. This time when I smiled I thought, "Oh my god!"
When I was almost out of the shop, I looked back and he was still smiling at me; we had a little chat going down the escalators, then we shook hands and parted ways. Five minutes later he came running back and gave me a piece of paper with his name and phone number and the words, "Crazy, I know."
It was the first time I'd really been single and I wasn't looking for a relationship, but when I got home I wrote on a piece of paper, That was really cute Richard, I say yes, took a photo and texted it to him. He asked me out to dinner that night but I already had plans, so we ended up meeting at midnight in Glebe [in Sydney's inner west]. Everything was closing so we walked around instead, talking non-stop, for four hours.
I've never dated anyone I've known for less than a year, but it felt as if we'd known each other in another lifetime. We were inseparable and within three weeks I'd moved in. I was coming out of a seven-year relationship which also involved running a business together and was still in the process of parting ways, but Richard made everything okay.
A few months later we got a cat, Leo. Richard would hold him and have deep-and-meaningfuls with him; there was something really sweet about it. Having Leo made us clucky and within 10 months, I was pregnant with Amelia [born in 2015]; then we had James two years later.
My sister and her best friend call Richard a dreamboat. Everyone says he's a real gentleman, which he is. When he's at school he's "on" but when he's not, he can be quite introspective. He's quite private, whereas I want to know everything; it took me a while to accept that.
Richard is quite black-and-white and has little patience for nonsense, whereas I like the greys, the nuances, the melancholy. He does have his quirks and wears odd socks all the time. It used to drive me up the wall.
Richard is really good at planning and finishing things, whereas I'm a starter. I'm less organised than he is, he's planned our lives for the next 100 years! Early in our relationship, we talked about bucket lists and on mine I had "Swimming with whale sharks", which he arranged. It was spectacular.
I was never interested in getting married, never dreamt of having a big Cinderella wedding – the idea of planning one was my worst nightmare – but Richard took care of it. He has an ability to be present, and makes you feel like you're the only person in the room, which is quite rare. He's the best person I know.
RICHARD: I was at the supermarket buying the rudimentary items you need for survival as a bachelor and I went to the shortest checkout queue, which Haline happened to be in. There was a little half-smile, I responded with a little half-smile, then on the way down the escalators, we started chatting. The conversation wasn't great: I said there was a good vegetable shop nearby and she asked what it was called – and I had no idea. I didn't really dazzle her with my mighty intellect.
Still, there was a little frisson so I thought I'd take a chance, and wrote my number on the back of a receipt and gave it to her. I felt sheepish handing it over but figured if it failed, I'd never see this person again and wouldn't have to admit to it to anyone. I walked away thinking, "She's a bit spesh," but with low expectations.
We caught up later that night. You never want to skip ahead to the point of being crazy, but there was a genuine sense this person was pretty special. Haline captured the imagination in all sorts of wonderful ways. The next time we met it was just as lovely, and there were all sorts of connections, laughter and silliness. A few weeks later, it was clear to me this was "the" person and I articulated something along those lines. So it all happened quickly.
For my 40th Haline had organised a secret lunch but a mate gave the game away, so I thought I'd out-surprise the girl who was trying to surprise me. Our daughter Amelia helped me write out on pieces of paper the letters of Marry Me? and give them to our friends, who hid them at the lunch table. During my thank-you speech, I talked about Haline and how she'd added all sorts of amazing colourful dimensions to my every day, then our friends held up the letters.
She was a bit embarrassed and a little annoyed I'd out-surprised the surprise birthday she'd organised. I'd like to think she was a bit moved.
Haline and I were both sceptical of getting married. I was agnostic about it but we decided to go ahead. Our decision was mostly inspired by hearing about people having these great weddings with all their best mates, and that the only other time that happens is at your funeral – and you're very much more part of a wedding than a funeral.
We don't really argue. I bottle things up and eventually articulate what the problem might have been, but I'm non-confrontational. Haline is the same. We're just two really repressed, pent-up individuals!
We have a similar pace and rhythm in life, and both have a sense of the ridiculous, especially Haline. She's clever and thoughtful. And she does impromptu dances in the middle of things and talks to random people at random times – like in supermarket queues.
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