Michelle Obama loves heading to bed straight after dinner – and I’m all for it

For a tiring period in the olden days, I was a gossip columnist. Openings, plays, clubs – yep, last to leave. Drink card in hand, heels wrecked, one particularly bad morning-after memory of doing a cartwheel in a mini and G-string.

At a recent work reunion, an old colleague took in my matronly respectability: “You were wild. Never home.” He wasn’t wrong. Nights started at nine. I was drunk for about five years straight. Staying in felt depressing.

Michelle Obama has endorsed heading to bed straight after dinner.Credit: AP

Now? When someone suggests dinner at seven, the thought bubble above my head is, “Can we do 5.30?” Early bedtime is my holy grail. Ideally solo, except for the dog, while Chris picks his fantasy footy team. Or reading until my Kindle slides from my hand, no one texting after 9pm (it used to be 10, but that’s now too brutal).

So, I loved it when Michelle Obama told the Not Gonna Lie podcast this week that she has a nightly dispute with husband Barack ... over bedtimes.

The ultimate midlife flex, said the former first lady, isn’t a packed calendar, or a Thai villa, or a capsule cashmere wardrobe. It’s hopping into bed early.

“Bedtime is the best time of the day,” Michelle said. Her ideal lights out? “Anytime after dinner.” Yes!

What makes this admission powerful is how it reframes what luxury really means. It’s not about more. It’s about less. Less expectation, less hustle, less noise.

Coming from Michelle, that hits differently. She alone on the planet has the opportunity to pick Barack’s brains every night. Yeah, nah. She just wants to slide between “some good sheets”.

For exhausted men checking their super balance and thinking, “When will this end?” or for women staggering through perimenopause, sleep becomes elusive when you need it most. So Michelle’s revelation isn’t a sound bite. It’s permission to see sleep as survival.

The wellness industry tries to sell us complicated solutions. Expensive retreats, routines, supplements. Nobody needs more “me time” nonsense wrapped in overpriced self-care. We need a bed and the brains to use it when our body – not social convention – says it’s time.

There’s nothing as good as an early night.

There’s something quietly rebellious about it. Thanks to the tiny computer in our hands, everyone is endlessly available – to partners, kids, bosses, parents, friends. Turning in early is a fabulous boundary. It says, “I’m done for today. You’ll all live.” And they will. They always do.

Gwyneth Paltrow’s in on the act too. Curfew at hers? 9pm sharp. Dinner starts at 6.30pm and if you miss the memo, just cast your eye to her soft furnishings. She has a cushion embroidered with “Please leave by 9.” No ambiguity. No guilt.

Gen Z were early adopters, showcasing early bedtime routines on TikTok while the adults ran around doing chores. Last year, the average bedtime for these young adults was 10.06pm, down 12 minutes from a year earlier. Good call, Fortune found, noting that early bedtimes can “profoundly affect” physical and mental health for the better.

Michelle says Barack teases her about her early nights, but she’s not budging. She’ll hold court when there are guests, but “the minute we finish up, I’m trying not to go to bed before the sun goes down”.

Michelle even reminisced about getting her daughters to bed by 7.30 so she could have a few hours when no one needed anything. I used to do the same. My kids never saw dark skies until they were 10. Even in year 12, lights out was 9.30.

And while that resonates for anyone who’s ever longed for a moment of quiet, it’s what Michelle is saying now, as an empty nester. That’s liberating. You don’t have to be the last person standing.

Michelle and Gwyneth don’t care how daggy early nights look. They’re normalising what many of us crave. Prioritising personal peace over people pleasing. Saying early bedtime isn’t admitting defeat but claiming victory.

Let’s make it cool to bow out early. Let’s stop glorifying exhaustion and take our cues from one of the world’s most respected women. Long live the 8pm bedtime revolution. Or 7. I’m not picky.

Kate Halfpenny is the founder of Bad Mother Media.

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