Is it folly to shelter under a stranger’s brolly?

Recently, the heavens opened unexpectedly and I found myself walking home with no rain protection. Waiting at a traffic light to cross the road, I noticed that I was next to a tall person with an umbrella. Would it have been breaking the bounds of social etiquette to lean in so my head was under his brolly?
I.B., Carlton North, Vic

Credit: Simon Letch

A: In an ideal world, this tall person would’ve looked down on you with compassion, then held his umbrella over your head and said, “Quick, get out of the rain!” and you would’ve said, “Oh, thanks! Crazy weather, hey?” and he would’ve said, “That’s Melbourne, ha ha!” and you would’ve said, “Four seasons in one day!” and you both would’ve spontaneously broken into the chorus of the Crowded House song, your voices melding in beautiful harmonies, and, by the time you’d crossed the road, you would’ve exchanged numbers and agreed to form a vocal duo, working the lively club scene of Carlton North and the inner Brunswick area.

But this is not an ideal world and that tall person was probably looking down on you with pity, thinking, “Who, in Melbourne, leaves their home without an umbrella, a sun hat, rubber boots, a wetsuit, a fur-lined parka, sunscreen and ski goggles? What a dope!” Which is why you needed to be charmingly proactive. You should’ve looked up at the tall person, smiled and said, “Excuse me, can I stand under your umbrella, ella ella, eh eh eh?”

And the tall person wouldn’t have been able to resist: he would’ve held his umbrella over your head and said, “Under my umbrella, ella ella, eh eh eh.” Then you both would’ve plunged into a painfully pitchy rendition of the Rihanna song and after you’d crossed the road, you would’ve laughed awkwardly, said goodbye and headed your separate ways because this isn’t an ideal world, but it can be a pretty okay one.

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