I’m a Millennial, she’s a Boomer, but we’re great mates

I first met Natasha while working in a university communications job. She was an external consultant, and all my colleagues were terrified of her.

“Natasha is scary,” they’d say in hushed tones after a brief – it was always brief – phone conversation with her. I was intrigued. In my experience, “scary”, when referencing a woman, is usually code for being outspoken, witty, competent, intelligent and generally not caring what others think of them.

When did you last open your friendship circle to people much older, or younger?Credit: Stocksy

Eventually, it was my turn to take her call. “Hello, can you do this and this and this for me? Thanks,” she said as soon as I answered the phone. Sure, she wasn’t much for small talk, but boy did she know how to move things along, something I appreciated in an environment mired in painful bureaucracy.

“Yes, no worries,” I replied, and Natasha said, “OK, bye,” and hung up. I assumed she had better things to do, so I didn’t take it personally. The next time she called, I knew what to expect and was ready. Soon after, I left the job to pursue a freelance lifestyle and didn’t hear from Natasha again, until she randomly called to ask how I was, and if I needed help getting work. I said yes, of course – a freelancer will never turn down an opportunity.

Our interactions continued electronically until one day I invited her for coffee (or maybe she invited me, I don’t remember). I knew Natasha was older, but I didn’t realise she had a few decades on me until we met in real life. At the time I was 30 years old, and the only people I knew who were Natasha’s age were my parents and their friends, who in my mind lived on another planet inhabited by trivial gossip, reality TV and the stay-at-home politics of cleaning.

Natasha was different. She was me, but older: an Eastern European media obsessive, an only child, accomplished writer, consultant, freelancer, fashion-loving homebody, who loved a wine (or two) at the end of the day and who wanted to work forever. “What attracted me to you was how much you reminded me of me,” Natasha told me when I asked her why she thought we were friends. “From loving journalism and writing to not giving a f---, to having children but not being overly, obsessively maternal, a whole bunch of things just resonated.”

I bought into the Boomer stereotypes: rich, educated for free, took my house and jobs while telling me how hard their life was.

Like many Millennials, before I got to know Natasha I bought into the Boomer stereotypes: rich, educated for free, took my house and jobs while telling me how hard their life was compared to mine. I would get annoyed just looking at photos of people over a certain age, especially if their haircuts and clothes looked expensive. And while Natasha does own her house, she definitely earned it. She also doesn’t tell me how lucky I am; she doesn’t go on about generations at all, really, but does share some pearls of wisdom at the right moments.

Being friends with her has humanised the generation we Millennials are so often pitted against. Who would have thought that Boomers have desires and lack confidence in the same areas as us? Or that they also care about things beyond owning numerous properties and telling younger people they should stop eating smashed avocado for brunch if they want to buy a house?

A century ago, having an older friend was nothing unusual. Schools were not organised by age and grade, kids worked alongside adults in many industries, and a lot more people went to church, which also led to more blending of different generation groups. Today, we usually look to people of similar ages when it comes to forming friendships, assuming our shared life-stage and experiences will bond us. A 2023 US study confirmed this, finding most people’s friends are born within five years of them.

Yet we are also living in one of the loneliest times in history. Nearly one-fifth of Australians say they are lonely, but we rarely think about looking beyond our peers to fill that social need. In their 2021 study into intergenerational friendships, social scientists Riikka Korkiamäki and Catherine Elliott O’Dare found that “friendship between older and younger people can promote social inclusion and belonging, while also being enjoyable, interesting and beneficial for both parties. As one participant remarked, ‘People are people, we don’t wear our birthday cards around our necks.’”

For Natasha and me, that’s certainly the case. Truthfully, I haven’t thought of us as “intergenerational” friends until writing this piece. Natasha is simply a trusted mate who offers some great parenting advice, such as “It takes a lot to kill them”, as well as general life tips, like “Don’t tell your boss to f--- off – I’ve burnt a lot of bridges.”

Oh, and it’s also fun to hang out with someone who gives as few f---s as I do.

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