A stranger used my newspaper as a meal table

A fellow train passenger asked to borrow my unread newspaper to use as a meal table, then proceeded to read it intently. Then, without further ado, she stashed it. Should her audacity be condemned or applauded?
D.B., Cooks Hill, NSW

Credit: Simon Letch

A: Here’s what’s confusing me. You weren’t happy at all about this train passenger borrowing your unread newspaper and then reading it with her hygienic, non-newspaper-contacting eyeballs, but you were totally fine with her borrowing your unread newspaper to use as a meal table? Hunching over it with a gloopy tuna sandwich she’d bought from the railway station kiosk, smothered in so much mayo she had to use the Harvey Norman liftout as a napkin. Gorging on a sticky, double-choc muffin and filling out your diabolical sudoku with her double-choc-smeared fingers. Slurping on a takeaway coffee through a flimsy plastic cup lid, dribbling coffee all over the place like a toddler learning to use a sippy cup.

And when she finished her meal, did you actually expect her to return your newspaper? Were you going to sit back and read it after flicking off the tuna chunks, wiping away the mayo globs and wringing out half a cup of dribble from the sports pages?

All of these questions may be the answer to your question. It wasn’t audacity that made this train passenger decide to keep your unread newspaper. She probably figured that anyone willing to lend their newspaper for use as a meal table had no intention of ever asking for that newspaper back. She’d made a Non-Returning Borrow-Request, exactly the same as if she’d asked to “borrow” your unread newspaper to use as fish-and-chip wrapping or compost-bin lining or papier-mâché projects or kitty litter or fire kindling or toilet paper for a tainted-mayo tuna-sandwich emergency.

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