‘I know what not to do’: What actor Thomas Cocquerel has learned about dating

Thomas Cocquerel is an actor best known for his role in The Gilded Age. The 33-year-old opens up about his supportive mother, coming from a family of actors, and his best relationship advice.

“I always felt more comfortable in the company of women than with boys and I got into school plays as a way to meet girls.” Credit: Luke Dubbelde

My maternal great-grandmother, Eunice Jackson, started a shoe store in Chatswood, Sydney, during World War II. It was passed down through the family after that. My great-grandfather made boots for soldiers during the war and didn’t have to serve as a result of that, because his skills were required in bootmaking.

I am very close to my maternal grandmother, Barbara, 84. She is a mighty force in the family and always present. We moved back to Australia when I was 11 and lived with her for the first year until my parents bought a home. She loved to visit us when we lived in France and the US.

My paternal grandmother, Cecile, ran a clothing store in the north of France with her husband Michele. She became a single mother of two sons when he died while she was young, and she had the pressure of running the shop on her own. She often visited when we lived in the States. She is a very creative woman. She liked teaching us how to write songs and music, and later in life she became an accomplished painter.

Georgia, my mum, is my inspiration and strength. Moving was a constant in my childhood. I was born in Sydney, then we moved to Madrid when I was a baby, then to LA for a few years, then Paris for 12 months and another stint in south of France, and then Texas for three years. I kept changing schools and friendship circles, so I had to find a resilience to deal with that. I was always very unsettled and Mum was so comforting. She was my safety net.

My dad, Patrick, met Mum in an elevator in the building they both worked in. As they each walked out of the elevator, they turned around to look at one another at the same time and got embarrassed. They were engaged within a year.

I have three sisters – Emilie, 31, Elsa, 28, and Anna, 21. They are my rocks and best friends. Moving around so much as kids brought us really close together. We all got into acting. I loved making short films as a kid and my sisters were my muses and lead actors.

Emilie got into WAAPA [Western Australian Academy of Performing Arts], has a psychology degree and does work for Lifeline in her free time. Elsa and I lived in LA together and went through some tough days learning how to survive in the industry. She was nominated for a Silver Logie for her role in Wolf Creek in 2016. Anna was in Home & Away when she was 16. We do auditions with each other and have all been through the highs and lows.

I was one of the shortest boys at school and didn’t grow taller until after I left. I always felt more comfortable in the company of women than with boys and I got into school plays as a way to meet girls, but dating didn’t happen until later for me. I didn’t have my first kiss until my final year of school.

My drama teacher in years 11 and 12, Miss Blake, was instrumental in giving me the confidence to take acting seriously when she appointed me drama captain in year 12. When I auditioned for NIDA, two years after high school, she coached me and helped me take my career to the next level.

The longest relationship I have been in lasted for two years. I’ve learnt not to force things in a relationship. With all the travelling I continue to do for work, I now know what not to do. You can’t try to get jobs in the same country just because you want your relationship to work. I’ve found more peace in letting go and letting things fall as they may.

That’s allowed me to explore happier, healthier relationships. I only realised this recently. What matters to me in a relationship is being with someone with a sense of humour, who doesn’t take life too seriously, and is passionate and hard-working.

Thomas is filming Safe Home, which will be released on SBS in 2023.

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