It was when the 32nd, and last, needle was inserted into my skin that I relaxed. An hour earlier, heated glass cups had been suctioned onto my back. In the morning, an IV drip of a mystery fluid had been pumped into my veins. That was before a six-inch plastic hose had been… Well, I’ll save you the details of the 45-minute colonic irrigation treatment. Though I feel like no one really talks about how good you feel with vacuum-cleaned pipes.

The final acupuncture needle was inserted into the webbing next to my big toe. Finally, my body, a pin cushion, began to ease.