In a terrible week for the football world with the loss of several players, Graham Cornes talks to painful loss of losing teammates

With the grief reaching overwhelming levels, it’s been an awful week for football with the sudden deaths of several players, now all we have... is the memories, writes Graham Cornes.

It’s been a terrible week for football. The grief is overwhelming.

Parents aren’t supposed to outlive their children. Brothers and sisters are devastated.

Old teammates are stunned. It is worse when the death is sudden and unexpected.

What could we have done? Why did we not see it coming? How can you rationalise it? Inevitably there is guilt. Rarely is that guilt deserved but still it persists.

The AFL world was rocked this week with the sudden deaths of Troy Selwood, who played 75 games for Brisbane between 2003 and 2010, and 2006 West Coast premiership player Adam Hunter.

Adam Hunter’s death has rocked the footy world. PICTURE: JACKSON FLINDELL.

Adelaide Crows footballer Josh Mail at training in March 1994.

The chilling acknowledgment offering the details of Beyond Blue and Lifeline at the end of the press announcement gave an indication of how Troy Selwood passed.

Hunter’s death was complicated by reports of the presence of drugs and drug paraphernalia.

There were other tragedies. Essendon VFL and former Bombers assistant coach Dale Tapping succumbed to his battle with the blood cancer myeloma.

And former Crows and North Adelaide player Josh Mail died after his ordeal with cancer.

He had just turned 51.

To me, Josh will always be that shy, reluctant young footballer. We drafted him in 1993 but he wasn’t overly keen to come out, train and try to embark on an AFL career.

He played four games for Adelaide in 1994 then went back to North Adelaide. But he did leave me with one affectionate memory. More about that later.

Selwood’s passing hit hard, being sudden and unexpected. Teammates loved him. With the mourning and the tears, stories of his popularity have been shared.

There is something special about the Selwood family. Geelong legend Joel is the most storied and celebrated but he and his brothers, Troy, Adam and Scott, hold the AFL record for the most games played by a set of brothers.

Troy Selwood (letf) and his brother Joel Selwood contest. The Selwood family hold the AFL record for the most games played by a set of brothers.

To lose one of the brothers when he is still so young is devastating. The family’s press release can’t possibly reveal the depth of their sadness.

“The family asks for privacy and respect during this time as we process our devastating loss.” It’s the least we can do.

Even though police have now ruled out suicide, there is still uncertainty and conjecture surrounding Adam Hunter’s passing.

Undoubtedly there is evidence of a troubled soul with a risk of self-harm. He had been a hero in the Eagles’ 2006 grand final victory but the euphoria surrounding such success can quickly fade and evaporate completely.

Former West Coast chairman, Dalton Gooding, speaking in the wake of Hunter’s passing, said on Thursday the game must do more to protect retired players who slip between the cracks.

Gooding has seen too many examples of ex-players going off the rails.

Ben Cousins and Daniel Kerr made headlines for the wrong reasons. Chad Fletcher had an on ongoing battle with cocaine possession and addiction and tragically Chris Mainwaring died after bingeing on the drug.

There have been other tragedies. No one knew the depth of Danny Frawley’s suffering until he was killed when his car ran into a tree. And Central District’s first premiership captain Daniel Hulm was killed when he fell under a train in London, a shocking end to what should have been a triumphant football story.

Graham’s ‘amusing memory’ of the late Josh Mail is a wonderful story.

James Hird overdosed on sleeping tablets in 2017 but thankfully survived and found help.

There has never really been an in-depth study to the risks AFL footballers face after they have retired. The AFL Players’ Association has support officers and programs in place but they only deal with cases as they arise.

The comparison between AFL footballers and those who serve in the defence forces has often been made. Sure, footballers don’t deal with life-and-death situations and, while there is always the risk of injury, rarely is a life threatened.

Nevertheless, it is interesting to compare some of the findings of the Royal Commission into Defence and Veteran Suicide to the experiences of AFL footballers.

Some of the evidence presented can equally apply to footballers.

It talks to “extreme expression of group cohesion being associated with a hyper-masculine culture”. And this: “The same cultural norms and positive attributes that are fundamental to building and sustaining military capability – including loyalty, sacrifice and self-reliance – if applied narrowly or excessively can result in negative outcomes. They demonstrate loyalty and dependability, professionalism and self-discipline, and the strong internal character and resolve to continuously adapt, improvise and overcome adversity.”

They could be talking about footballers.

The commission also found that “sacking from the ADF is

one of the most significant risk factors for suicide and suicidality arising in the military justice system”.

OK, the military is not the AFL, but the sacking from a team and a club can be devastating. Football coaches have to be stoic but the worst job they have is to tell a player he is about to be delisted.

Some players see it coming and are resigned to a new life. Others are devastated.

Tears are not uncommon. Then they are cast-out. They’re not completely on their own because most clubs have professionals to help with the separation but there comes a time when no longer is there anyone there to help.

The Royal Commission into Defence and Veteran Suicide concluded with 122 recommendations. Of course, not all of them are relevant to sport generally or football specifically but there are definitely lessons there to be learned and, perhaps, lives to be saved. The AFL has the resources to do more.

Josh Mail’s passing was shocking news. To me he still seems that baby-faced kid who eventually came to training at West Lakes. He was only 19 when he played his first AFL game against Fitzroy in round 10 of 1994.

He had a good game, too, with 15 disposals and a couple of tackles in a 39-point Crows victory. But it got tougher after that and he played just three more games in a team that was struggling. Then he went back to North Adelaide.

However, I have one amusing memory. At the start of 1994 the Crows went on a training camp to Coolum Golf Resort in Queensland.

The practice range was converted into a football field and we played a trial game against Brisbane.

The rest of the weekend was tough – physically and mentally – but come the last night the players were allowed to relax and have a few beers – as long as they behaved themselves and drank responsibly (as if!).

I had gone to bed but at about midnight was awakened by someone frantically knocking on the door. I opened the door to a shocked Josh Mail.

As it turns out, he and Jonathon Ross had taken one of the golf carts for a joy ride and unfortunately rolled it.

Ross had injured his knee and Josh had been dispatched to fetch the club doctor.

Unfortunately, the doctor’s room was next to mine and he had knocked on the wrong door. The look of horror on his face was priceless. It was always a favourite memory.

Sadly, that’s all we now have – the memories.