Remembering J-Mac: The family of former Collingwood and Port Adelaide player John McCarthy reflect on his death 10 years on

Today marks the 10-year anniversary of John McCarthy’s tragic death. But his name endures through his family who was eager to honour him.

A picturesque national park near the southernmost point of mainland Australia is where John McCarthy’s family marks his birthday every year.

Home to an array of native wildlife and coastal bushland trails, Wilsons Promontory in Victoria has become an idyllic location for the ex-Collingwood and Port Adelaide player’s parents, four siblings, their partners and children to spend quality time together.

They stay in eco-cabins near Tidal River, a stone’s throw from the beach.

During the day, the grandchildren play in the sand, ride bikes or follow the adults on nature walks, as wombats, echidnas and wallabies roam nearby.

At night, the sounds and smells of sizzling barbecues pierce through the laughter and conversations that fill the air.

On John’s birthday, November 19, his parents, Shane and Cath, brother, Matt, and sisters, Elizabeth, Frances and Jane have their own dinner, where they share memories of him, talking about what they miss over a few beers and glasses of red wine.

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It’s been 10 years since the death of former Port Adelaide and Collingwood footballer John McCarthy.

“We’d been to a few other places but this would have to be the third or fourth year it’s been at Tidal River,” Matt, 40, tells News Corp.

“It’s a pretty special place.

“Mum just liked the idea of everyone getting away and celebrating John.

“It’s nice to do and set time aside for because with kids, it’d be easy to be busy all the time and not take a moment.”

Friday is another notable date for the McCarthys – the 10-year anniversary of John’s passing.

He died on September 9, 2012 after falling from the Flamingo Hotel while on an end-of-season trip in Las Vegas with his Port Adelaide teammates.

Matt was living in Dublin, Ireland about a month into working for bookmaker Paddy Power’s legal team, when he woke up to a heap of missed calls from Cath.

“It feels like it was just yesterday but it also feels like it was a lifetime ago,” Matt says.

“In that time it’s been busy starting our own family … but it’s still hard to believe it’s been 10 years.”

Shane, who has run a legal practice, McCarthy Partners, not far from their home in Portsea on the Mornington Peninsula for 46 years, always has September 9 off work to spend the day with Cath.

This year, by coincidence, they will be in the US, in New York, visiting family and friends.

Shane has never been to the States, while Cath’s only trip has been to the Big Apple.

“It’s going to be a hard day,” says Shane, whose US-bound flight was on Father’s Day.

“Every day is tough, but we just get on with things.”

McCarthy’s parents Shane and Catherine have opened up 10 years on. Picture: Calum Robertson

While Shane still works, Cath is retired and keeps busy looking after their grandchildren.

All seven of them have been born since John died.

Four share his name.

Matt called his three-year-old son John.

It is also the middle name of three of their sisters’ children.

Elizabeth has Oscar John, 7, and Olle John, six months, while Frances has Hugo John, 3.

“We obviously did want to honour John and have another John running around,” Matt says.

“I asked Mum and she was very happy.

“We thought it might’ve been a bit emotional for her but she said ‘go for it’

“I’m glad we did it.”

Shane, 70, adds: “There was never any pressure on the kids to call them John, they just wanted to because they’re close to him”.

His legacy lives on at the Power too.

The club gives a John McCarthy Award each year to a player that best demonstrates community service.

Port Adelaide has also retired the No. 35 – worn in his 21 games there, all in 2012.

Although the number is not donned on matchdays, it is a weekly fixture at the club.

A “hidden hero” from the previous week – often someone whose team acts on or off the field go unnoticed – trains in the No. 35 prison-bar jumper.

“That’s pretty moving to know they still do that,” Matt says.

“It’s a good tribute and speaks to John leaving a positive mark there.”

Matt remembers John – the youngest of the siblings, born almost eight years after him – being keen on footy from an early age.

“I loved kicking with him but he was a much better kick than me,” he says.

“It always seemed likely he was going to get drafted.”

McCarthy with Brad Ebert, Jarrad Redden and Chad Wingard on their Port Adelaide debuts in 2012.

The game was in John’s blood.

Cath’s father, Alan Olle, featured 51 times for St Kilda from 1946-51 and her uncle, John Coffey, played 89 games for the Saints during the same era.

Shane’s brother, Bernie, lined up in 148 matches for North Melbourne and was one of the Kangaroos’ most influential forwards during the 1960s.

Their sibling, Gavan, played twice for the Kangaroos.

Then there is Shane, who has three games to his name for Geelong in 1970-71.

“Ninety-seven short of 100 is dad’s standard claim,” Matt says with a laugh.

Matt took to the field 22 times in five seasons for the Cats from 2002-06.

A key forward like his father, he kicked five goals in a match against Carlton in his final season in a team littered with 17 future premiership players.

“John would come to all the games, come into the rooms, stayed with us one time after the season for a week, doing some work experience at the club,” Matt says.

“He was just a little skinny kid bouncing the footy.”

John was 189cm – two centimetres shorter than Shane and seven shy of Matt.

Quick and versatile, the tall midfielder/half-forward impressed with junior club Sorrento then Dandenong Stingrays, before Collingwood selected him with pick 31 in the 2007 draft.

“Mum was terrified he’d go over the other side of the country and be drafted by West Coast, so she was very happy with that, but he obviously ended up at Port so went away anyway,” Matt says.

John played 18 games for Collingwood before landing at the Power via the 2011 pre-season draft.

McCarthy was drafted by Collingwood at pick 31 in 2007.

“He took a keen interest in my footy career … and I did the same with him,” Matt says.

The McCarthys have not stayed in touch with Collingwood or the Power.

Cath went once to Port Adelaide’s best-and-fairest to present the award named in his honour, and it was too difficult.

But the family has high praise for his former clubs.

Players and officials came down to the Mornington Peninsula for John’s funeral.

“Collingwood, what they did was magnificent,” Shane says.

“Eddie McGuire, whatever people want to say about him, but side-by-side, he was magnificent.

“They made an enormous contribution to John’s funeral … and we never forget that.

“Sorrento Football Club was magnificent too and so was Port Adelaide.

“They couldn’t have done any more and came over and honoured him.”

The McCarthys’ affinity with football stopped after John died.

Shane lost complete interest, watching only a few games out of the corner of his eye and instead became involved at the local golf club.

“I’m the youngest of six boys and we got brought up with a football,” he says.

“When I was seven or eight, Bernie got drafted to North Melbourne, so footy was just part of our DNA.

“I played at school, had a couple of games at Geelong, so it was a big thing taken away when John died because it was part of our family.

“Cath was right into it too.

“It was pretty hard to watch, but it’s getting better.”

Power and Collingwood players run through a joint banner to honour McCarthy in 2013.

So much so that last weekend’s first round of AFL finals – featuring four thrillers decided by a combined 43 points – was the first time in a decade Shane felt like watching footy.

Asked what has got him back into it, he says: “I don’t know, I think time”.

It is too early to say if the next generation of McCarthys has any footy talent.

Oscar does Auskick, while Matt’s son John plays soccer.

Matt’s preference is that he takes that up.

Not because of his brother’s death, rather Aussie rules’ greater toll on the body.

“If my John takes a shine to footy and loves it, I’ll support him,” Matt says.

Matt returned from London in 2015 and was meant to stay in Portsea for a couple of months.

Seven years on, he and his wife, Jo, are still there with their two children, John and Annika, 5.

Matt is now partners in the legal practice, which mostly focuses on property and commercial law, conveyancing, wills and estates, with his dad.

“He’s the boss, I come in, open the mail, salute him and do a few things,” Shane says with a laugh.

“He’s my best mate.”

It shows the closeness of the family that Matt says the same about his younger brother when he reflects on their relationship.

“We got on really well, but everyone did with John,” he says.

Matt’s favourite memories are of them simply hanging out.

“Just laughing,” he says.

“He was very good company, a very loving, caring, fun person who always had time for everyone.

McCarthy in 2012 with his then-partner, Dani, and puppy, Jax.

“You could see that he would have been a great dad and uncle.

“He loved little kids, he got a dog that he treated like a kid when he was in Adelaide and he wouldn’t have been too far off having kids of his own.”

Matt lives not far from his parents, who are still in the family home in Portsea, close to Shelley Beach.

Outside their house is a table, the idea of Elizabeth’s husband, Jason, a few days after John’s death and crafted by friends and family.

It is the centrepiece on Johnny’s Deck, which features 22 lights – one for each year of his life.

Shane describes his youngest child as joyful and loving with an incredible determination.

“He lit up a room and he made people feel better,” he says.

“It comes from his mother, who’s got a joie de vivre and it helps the whole family.”

Cath’s “indomitable spirit”, as Matt calls it, has been instrumental to the McCarthys moving on with their lives.

Brad Ebert wearing McCarthy’s No. 35 at Port Adelaide training in 2019. Picture: Sarah Reed

Brad Ebert touches his black arm band in tribute to McCarthy in 2013.

Although dates such as September 9 and November 19 hit home, Cath leads the family in finding joy each day.

“Her default setting is happy and she always sees the positive in things,” Matt says.

“Every movie she’s seen is fantastic and every book she’s read is the best.

“That sparkle in John’s eye comes from Mum.

“We obviously still miss him so much, but don’t let what happened to him ruin our lives because that’d make one tragedy even worse.

“We think about the positive aspects, such as the 20-odd years we got with him.”

The family has made sure there is no awkwardness if John is mentioned.

Quite the opposite.

When they are on trips, such as to Wilsons Promontory, and four grandchildren have his name, he is never far from their thoughts.

“We think about him when we’re hanging out with the kids and how fun it would be to have him there on a family holiday with his kids,” Matt says.

“He’d be the cheeky uncle feeding them lollies when we’re not looking.

“We show the kids photos, talk about uncle Johnny.

“We must have told them uncle Johnny’s up there (in the sky) now because if they see a star sometimes they’ll go ‘is that one uncle Johnny?’”

The McCarthys cherish those occasions.

They are as much about remembering as they are about enjoying the moment, each other’s company and looking forward to what is around the corner.

“It’s all about family – that’s what it’s about,” Shane says.