We need kid-free days at public attractions

WE need child-free days at public attractions, so adults can enjoy their glorious sights without sticky-fingered children blocking the view or creating a god-awful racket, writes Alana Schetzer.

THERE’S a lot of things I don’t like — slow walkers, butter in my sandwiches, Twitter trolls with high opinions of themselves and poor spelling skills, and people who confuse opinions with facts.

But what I hate most is trying to look at the meerkats at the zoo and have a dozen small children block my view, step on my foot and cry so loudly that the meerkats in question will run off in fright.

Thanks, kid.

Children can be great, but at museums, galleries and zoos, they are mini Bond villains whose sole purpose is to make everything harder for everyone; they bang their little fists against glass, run around and into people and strongly believe that screaming is a socially acceptable behaviour.

And every now and then, an ear-piercing squall will emit from one that has the power to break glass and your will to live.

Is it safe to come out yet? (Pic: Stephen Harman)

We need child-free days at public zoos, museums and galleries, to give adults the chance to enjoy their glorious sights and attractions without a sticky-fingered child tripping you up or blocking your view.

Once a month, just one day per month, I want children to be banned from these places. They can have all the other days, but give us adults one day to admire the goods on display and to do so in peace.

I realise that this proposal will not be popular with some people and that for several days, my Twitter feed will be filled up with charming tweets calling me, among other names, a “child-hating, immature killjoy” but that’s a risk I’m willing to take.

All I’m asking for is one day.

Some institutions have already cottoned on to the fact that adults enjoy viewing fossils and admiring art in a tranquil, civilised environment; Melbourne Museum has monthly adult-only viewings on Friday nights, where visitors can wander through the exhibitions, sometimes with a glass of wine, without almost being knocked over. It’s great!

It’s easier to appreciate art without children ruining the view. (Pic: iStock)

I’m absolutely for encouraging and nurturing young children to be curious about the world and develop a liking for culture, but not 365 days a year.

For many parents, a visit to the zoo or museum is a great way to kill a couple of hours and try and tire out their kids. But some of us are there to learn and take in these cultural and natural treasures.

It isn’t just the general noise and annoyance that children present but their presence can also be distracting and make it hard to concentrate and take it what you’ve actually paid to see.

No matter what my age is, I’ll always be a big kid. Yes, I may be at an age when my back starts to hurt if I sit down for too long, but I also plan almost all of my holidays around whether a destination has a theme park.

Once upon a time, children under 12 were largely banned from public institutions such as museums, which is what started the concept of dedicated children’s museums. Kids get their own dedicated space — which is great — but adults have lost theirs.

Public institutions such as museums, galleries and zoos are brilliant places to educate and entertain kids, and can foster a lifelong love of learning. They’re also places that adults love, too, a respite from work and responsibilities — a place to relight that childlike wonder and curiosity, feelings and compulsions that we as adults often just don’t have the time for these days.

I visit Melbourne Museum every couple of weeks, and walking into the dinosaur exhibition, it never fails to stir a feeling of wonder inside and it genuinely excites me to think about these beautiful creatures walking across the Earth.

But then Billy, who can’t wait to show a few dozen strangers his Spider-Man impersonation in front of the Mamenchisaurus and it takes all the magic away.

Or perhaps imagine how visitors to London’s famed Tate Museum in 2014 felt when a couple let their young child climb all over a $10 million Donald Judd sculpture. As reported in the British press at the time, when a fellow visitor suggested to the couple that they don’t let their child play on art, they defended their actions as, clearly, totally fine.

But then again, it’s often the parents who fail to keep their children under control, so maybe we should ban them, too.

Originally published as We need kid-free days at public attractions