How Trump can make Twitter great again

DONALD Trump mangles grammar in new and unexpected ways every time he tweets. But we can learn from his crimes against the English language, writes Meredith Forrester.

With a few simple changes Trump’s Twitter account could be... great. (Pic: Jeff Roberson)

IN REAL news that likely won’t surprise you, Donald Trump’s tweets aren’t always grammatically sound.

He jumbles clauses, confuses pronouns and sticks commas where they don’t belong.

I know grammar. Donald knows grammar, too. It’s the system that helps our language make sense. It’s a complicated system (who knew?), but it’s our system, and we all use it every day to put words in order and understand one another.

The problem with Donald is that he doesn’t seem to care about grammar. His tweeted statements tend to go a bit off — on what some might call an “unpresidented” scale. But knowing about grammar and its nuts and bolts is important. It isn’t about wagging fingers and telling someone they’re incorrect; it’s what good, clear writing is built with.

In my new book Make Grammar Great Again, I suggest solutions to Donald’s grammatically iffy tweets. Here are five tips for him to mull over before he fires off his next 280-character statement.

SEE YOU IN COURT, THE SECURITY OF OUR NATION IS AT STAKE!

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) February 9, 2017

Carefully deploy commas

This is a classic comma splice. These two heavy statements demand more than a comma. You could choose a full stop. You could choose a semicolon. But please do not choose a comma.

.@Peggynoonannyc An election between Hillary and myself will be the biggest voter turnout in U.S. history. Just like the debates 24 M vs 2M.

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) December 13, 2015

Practise pronoun placement

An uninspired overcorrection. First, myself is a reflexive pronoun and you don’t have an antecedent for it. Second, your pronoun is positioned as the object of the preposition between, so it needs to be in the objective case. Myself is not more formal than me, just as I is not more formal than me. Me, the objective first-person singular pronoun, is the only qualified applicant for this job.

My son Donald did a good job last night. He was open, transparent and innocent. This is the greatest Witch Hunt in political history. Sad!

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) July 12, 2017

Quit it with the capitals

Capping up Witch Hunt turns it into a proper noun, an official thing. It isn’t. It’s a common noun, a general term for the act of searching out people accused of witchcraft or, in this case, disloyalty, dishonesty, undermining a democratic mechanism, etc. Even so, you can write it in a couple of ways: it takes a hyphen (witch-hunt) according to the Macquarie Dictionary; in the Merriam-Webster, it’s left open as two words: witch hunt. All you need to do is pull your favourite dictionary off its shelf and search for the word to make sure you’re presenting it consistently.

Of course the Australians have better healthcare than we do --everybody does. ObamaCare is dead! But our healthcare will soon be great.

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) May 5, 2017

Dash diligently and discreetly

First, you’re spot on with your dash placement. Adding the elaboration to the end of your first sentence strongly emphasises your point that the world has better health care (two words, per the Macquarie Dictionary) than you do. But two hyphens do not count as one textual dash. This dash needs to turn into either an en or an em forthwith. You’ll also need to either delete the space before it or insert another space after it. We Australians can set an example — if you’d like.

#WheresHillary? Sleeping!!!!!

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) August 20, 2016

Ease up on the exclamations

Five exclamation marks is excessive. Please remove at least four. If the urge to exclaim overwhelms you in the moment, one mark on its own will just as easily convey your high emotion.

Meredith Forrester’s book, Make Grammar Great Again, is available through all good bookshops, Thames & Hudson Australia and The Good Copy.

@mdforrester

Originally published as How Trump can make Twitter great again