Forget everything you think you know about autism

While I’m grateful there are autistic characters on TV and films, they’re not always accurate. As someone with the disorder, I want to clear up the myths about my condition, writes Madeleine Ryan.

Autism is a very magical and mysterious thing.

Whenever I meet someone, and they learn that I am autistic, they’re surprised. Even the doctor who assessed me was thrown by my particular set of skills, abilities, and personality traits. And, usually, after this initial onset of surprise, what follows is either curiosity, or a slew of stereotypes and assumptions.

It’s important to learn about autism through the autistic, not just through impressions of us featured in popular culture, or via findings from the medical and scientific establishments. So it’s time to clarify and correct some of the assumptions that I’ve encountered.

1. There aren’t as many autistic girls and women as there are autistic boys and men.

Autism spectrum disorders (ASD) in women and girls have been widely misunderstood, misdiagnosed and mistreated. The tools used to assess for autism have been based on behavioural indicators sourced from boys and men. Girls and women have then been measured against these, and missed altogether, or slotted into unsuitable categories.

But the assessment process is changing, however, and while ABS statistics from 2015 indicate males are more than four times more likely to be diagnosed with autism, recent research suggests that there is now one autistic girl to every two autistic boys.

Young girls might not be diagnosed autistic as readily as young boys, but that could be a failure of assessment. Picture: iStock

Dr Michelle Garnett, director of Minds and Hearts Clinic in Brisbane, shares that “there’s a greater prevalence of ASD in girls than we thought. They’re discovering one girl to every four boys in the very young years, and then it changes in middle-primary and early high school, when, suddenly, the prevalence is one to 3.2,” she explains. “Then, in adulthood, it’s one to two, clearly showing that we’ve been missing our younger girls.”

2. The autistic lack empathy

Autistic children and adults are very empathetic, yet the way that we express empathy is often seen as too intimate, too flippant, too direct, too silent, or too honest.

Rather than saying a simple, “yeah, I get it, that’s tough,” and moving on to the next topic of conversation, we might want all of the details of your experience, and then time to process the different feelings that have risen, perhaps some room to do an interpretative dance, before a tarot card reading, and then weeping by your side, and asking for a month of space, and solitude, to sit with what you have shared.

Or, we might say nothing, but a lack of words does not equate lack of feeling.

The Good Doctor stars Freddie Highmore as a high-functioning autistic doctor who struggles with empathy. Picture: supplied

3. The autistic throw tantrums

Autism is never the sole cause of a “tantrum” or a “meltdown”. Autistic children and adults also possess what are rather unflatteringly referred to as “co-morbids” such as: anxiety, bipolar disorder, slower learning ability, obsessive-compulsive disorder, anger management issues, depression, irritable bowel syndrome, eating disorders, sleep disorders, phobias, and so on, which affect how we process thoughts and feelings.

So “meltdowns” and “tantrums” aren’t necessarily autistic in nature; they are a nuanced part of human nature.

My tendency when feeling helpless, or overwhelmed, is to freeze, and to implode — rather than explode. And, from what I understand, this is common in girls and women both on and off the spectrum.

4. The autistic have genius mathematical abilities

We’re very logical creatures, yet this doesn’t necessarily make us mathematical creatures. I know how to take 10 per cent off, and that’s about it. I cannot recite the phone book, count cards, or visualise every number plate that I’ve seen today. The workings of my logic and memory recall are idiosyncratic, and you can only get to know them through getting to know me.

Dustin Hoffman’s portrayal of autistic and mathematically gifted character Raymond in the film Rain Man has led to some misconceptions about autism. Picture: supplied

5. The autistic are socially awkward

I spent 28 years convincing everyone that I wasn’t autistic.

While I was busy missing social cues, struggling with feelings of alienation, and isolation, and being bullied and manipulated without realising it, I was also managing to appear socially adept, and even extroverted.

In social situations, I use a particular modus operandi, and as long as I can prepare myself for the event, and allow ample time to recover from it, I can “perform” accordingly. The key has been marrying this performance to who I am, and what I think and feel, rather than just carrying it out mindlessly and at the expense of my wellbeing.

6. The autistic struggle to maintain friendships and relationships

We struggle with friendships and relationships only to the extent that we struggle to be understood, and accepted, for who we are. Recent research suggests that “social problems” for the autistic are less to do with our brain wiring, and more to do with others feeling uncomfortable in our company.

Relationships are complex, and multifaceted — just like people. We mustn’t reduce ourselves to the confines of labels, stereotypes or assumptions, because there is so much more for us all to learn, and to enjoy, and to offer the world.

Madeleine Ryan is a freelance writer.