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Majak Daw opens up about going to rehab for alcohol addiction

The former AFL trailblazer has provided insight into hitting rock bottom, putting his pride aside and admitting he needed help to deal with his alcohol addiction before he wound up dead or in jail.

This week Majak Daw faced the Melbourne Magistrates Court to respond to serious driving offences from February this year, including charges for drink driving, careless driving and failing to accompany police. He pleaded guilty to the offences. Majak was fined $2500 and had his licence cancelled for two years. We spoke about how he got there, and the lessons learnt since.

HM: Two years without a licence, and a $2500 fine.

MD: All deserved, sadly Hame. All deserved.

HM: What do you remember about those nights?

MD: I remember a lot less than I should remember. But you know what, I also remember making bad decisions which shouldn’t have happened. No excuses. My fault. Entirely.

Former AFL player Majak Daw fronts court for drink driving offences. Picture: Aaron Francis
Former AFL player Majak Daw fronts court for drink driving offences. Picture: Aaron Francis

HM: What led up to you driving when you were so affected by alcohol, twice in a month?

MD: I was really struggling at the time, mentally. You and I have spoken before how I have battled with anxiety and depression, and how I have coped poorly. Sadly, I went back to my old habits of drinking heavily on a regular basis, and it spiralled out of control.

HM: Were you drinking a lot?

MD: Yes, too much. I had a lot of time on my hands, and I’d go to work and finish early, and in many areas of my life I was unhappy, and my way of dealing with it was drinking. I just lost my way in terms of making the right choices, in a lot of areas, and one was to drink and drive. Everyone knows not to do, but I just didn’t have any sense of care and it caught up with me.

HM: And then you got caught.

MD: Hame, it happened on a number of occasions, and I got away with it. Not perhaps over the limit, but I had drunk, and then drove. But then these two incidents – the first one where I crashed in my car and luckily there was no one harmed ….

HM: …. that was in Ascot Vale when you crashed into a pole?

MD: Yeah, I crashed into a pole, and went to hospital. I broke some ribs and it was a difficult few months.

Ex North Melbourne AFL footballer Majak Daw has spoken out about his struggles. Picture: Jason Edwards
Ex North Melbourne AFL footballer Majak Daw has spoken out about his struggles. Picture: Jason Edwards
Majak Daw had a difficult few months after crashing his car and breaking several ribs. Picture: Robert Cianflone
Majak Daw had a difficult few months after crashing his car and breaking several ribs. Picture: Robert Cianflone

HM: In what way?

MD: When I look back and reflect, after leaving the AFL, I just didn’t know how things were going to look going forward for me, to be honest, and I was really anxious. I was always feeling apprehensive. It’s just where I was, mentally, it was tough, really tough for me, and I used to try and mask it all by drinking, and way too often.

HM: Take me to one of the nights behind the wheel where you ended up off the road.

MD: I was driving to Braybrook, I’d just been to a friend’s place and didn’t realise how much I had to drink, but I knew I was drunk, and I hopped in the car anyway.

HM: Were you lucid enough to know you shouldn’t have?

MD: Yes, but I did anyway. No excuses. When you are drunk, you make appalling decisions. I drove, and I ended up driving on the footpath. Then a highway patrol car waved me down and I got out of the car and I went back to the police station. That’s when I knew things were pretty bad with my alcohol use. I think I knew, but I didn’t stop myself drinking when I probably should have. This was the wake up call.

HM: You knew you were drinking too much?

MD: I did, but I think I was in denial. Friends would say I was drinking too much, and I’d sort of just brush it off and say, “I won’t drink for a week or two” but then I’d go back to drinking. It’d been hanging over my head for a while.

HM: Did you address it?

MD: Finally. I spoke to my psychiatrist and just said I need some help with my alcohol use. I’m really struggling at the moment, and I’m just not sure how things look going forward for me.

HM: Why were you drinking?

MD: I think initially, it was just stress release. Masking pain. I think having to learn new skills after footy and having to grow again and asking for help, are the things I really struggled with. I’m glad I had people to talk to about my struggles, my family were really helpful and I think when I look back in the past, I never spoke to my family.

HM: Embarrassed?

MD: Yeah. I tried to hide it, I think so I didn’t have to talk about it, and also so I could keep doing it.

Majak Daw and his baby son, Hendrix. Picture: Instagram
Majak Daw and his baby son, Hendrix. Picture: Instagram

HM: How did your parents respond when you told them you had an alcohol problem?

MD: They were really supportive. They told me it was time to make better choices, and time to get off the drink. And then my psychiatrist mentioned to me that I should take some time out and rehab for a month.

HM: Were you surprised?

MD: A little, but I knew they were right. I’d battled with the idea of going to rehab and accepting that I do have an addiction to alcohol. We listed all of the poor choices that I’d made, and alcohol had always played a part in them all. I just couldn’t deny that it’s something that I’d always struggled with – to safely drink – and not get carried away, I wouldn’t go out and harm other people or be a nuisance, but it was really costing me.

HM: A storm was brewing ….

MD: My psychiatrist said “If you continue down this path, it will either lead to death, jail or institutions”. So I spoke to the people that I needed to speak to, my family, because ultimately I was going to be away from Hendrix for a whole month ….

HM: If you went to rehab?

MD: Yeah. I just put my pride aside and I said I really need the help. I had a lot to lose if I didn’t go to rehab, so that’s what I did for a month.

HM: When was that Maj?

MD: The 2nd of March for 28 days.

HM: Was it as hard as you thought?

MD: It was. The positive was, I saw all different types of people battling with different types of addiction and in a way, it made me realise that my life is actually not that bad, and there’s only one thing that I need to remove from my life, and that was alcohol. But I had to try and remove it for good.

HM: Was there much contact with the outside world?

MD: I was only allowed to have one phone call a day for five minutes, and if they didn’t pick up, it was bad luck. I spent my first sober birthday there, I was so reserved and stubborn in the first week, I didn’t really leave my room much. I kept on thinking, “I shouldn’t be here, I don’t belong here!” But after speaking with my counsellor and the staff there, I slowly started leaving my room and interacting with the other people.

Daw struggled to find his way after leaving the AFL but has since dealt with his demons and returned to the ground to play for a local club. Picture: Hamish Blair
Daw struggled to find his way after leaving the AFL but has since dealt with his demons and returned to the ground to play for a local club. Picture: Hamish Blair

HM: When you say “I don’t belong here”, do you think everyone probably thinks that at the start?

MD: Yeah, absolutely. Then I started speaking to some of the patients there, the ones that had similar issues as me with drinking and who had put the pieces together, I resonated with what they were saying and I resonated with the behaviours and all of the poor choices that they’ve made. It’s pretty stark, it’s hard to deny that I did have a drinking problem and I just didn’t know how to drink safely without causing myself harm or getting myself into trouble with the law. So that’s when I decided that I’m just going to commit myself to this program.

HM: And it helped?

MD: It did, but it was bloody hard. It was quite emotional at times to speak about trauma, and just having a lack of ability to express my emotions when I was struggling. Sometimes I tend to push people aside and ask for help and that really brought a side to me that I haven’t really been in touch with, ever, and that was just vulnerability in front of total strangers. Sharing the unsavoury parts of my life, things about growing up in Sudan and revisiting some of the things of leaving Egypt, I’d speak about it and mention it to people, but I just disconnected myself from those things until I just gave it time.

Ex North Melbourne AFL footballer Majak Daw says reaching out for help is important. Picture: Jason Edwards
Ex North Melbourne AFL footballer Majak Daw says reaching out for help is important. Picture: Jason Edwards

HM: Did it become easier?

MD: It did. There were just things I hadn’t dealt with properly, and now I couldn’t leave or go anywhere. I was there 24/7, for a whole month. I started to feel so much better about myself and I just started becoming a lot more optimistic. I was suddenly really looking forward to getting out of there and going home. But I was also really nervous of leaving such a nurtured environment where I’m looked after 24/7, and how things would be once I left and staying sober.

HM: You talked about addiction – what did you learn about addiction in rehab?

MD: I think the biggest learning was how it robs people of the ability to think clearly and the ability to make good choices, as well as the ability to deal with stress. And how it fractures relationships. I don’t want Hendrix to grow up with a dad that’s an alcoholic – that’s been a big driving factor for me. Since I’ve been sober, things are working out.

Majak Daw is back playing footy for North Heidelberg. Picture: Hamish Blair
Majak Daw is back playing footy for North Heidelberg. Picture: Hamish Blair

HM: In what way?

MD: In the past, I didn’t know how the next few months were going to look, but now I’m really consistent with work, and I have Hendrix regularly, and I’m far more present than I’ve ever been, and I just wish I could’ve made this choice a lot earlier, even in my playing days. I’m playing good footy, local footy, and one of the hardest things was coming back to the boys. A few of them knew that I’d been in rehab for a month, but around my birthday they’re like, “Is he going to come back? Is he going to play with us?” The coach knew and he said, “Yeah, he’ll be back.” The boys know that I don’t drink anymore and they really respect my decision around it.

HM: When you see alcohol now, is it a huge temptation for you? If you walk into a bar or into the rooms afterwards and there’s a beer, do you get concerned?

MD: I’m very mindful, and I take my sobriety really seriously. I’m still going to have problems here and there in my life, but alcohol just amplifies everything, it just makes everything worse than what it actually is. I have to avoid it.

HM: Do you tell people so that they know?

MD: Yeah, I’ve been saying “I’m not drinking” if they attempt to buy me a drink, or if they get me a drink I just refuse to drink because I know how awful it’s been and what it’s put me through when I’ve drank. But now you and I have spoken, it will help, and I’m not in denial about it anymore. I’m ashamed of some of the behaviours that have come from me drinking. I’ve always wanted to have peace and be happy in my life, but I think happiness comes and goes. But now I’ve just got so much peace in my life. I love waking up now knowing there are no feelings of guilt or shame or that I’ve done something that I will regret. But when I did see alcohol, for the first month or so, it was hard.

HM: The month after rehab?

MD: Yeah, I’d be doing groceries and walking past a bottle shop, I’d start to think to myself, “Maybe I could have a couple of drinks, maybe I could drink responsibly”. But so far I have stayed disciplined and made sure I’m doing what I said I was going to do. That’s part of self-love and self-care, and being disciplined I’ve come to learn, is a form of loving yourself. If I say I love myself, then I guess these are the things that I have to do, just enjoy different parts of my life, you know? A lot of things revolve around drinking and everyone socialises. I can go and socialise with my friends and when it’s time to go, I just leave, I don’t need to drink to have fun.

HM: When was your last drink?

MD: The night before I went into rehab. I had a drink, I went and said bye to Hendrix, I spoke to my parents on the phone and I rocked up in the morning at the clinic. It was so daunting, I just didn’t know what to expect because you see clinics in movies and stuff, and it is a little bit like that. There were people in there that just couldn’t handle being in that environment where you go in there by yourself. It’s voluntary, this was not imposed on me by anyone, I decided that’s what I needed, but some people don’t make it.

Majak Daw and his son Hendrix. Picture: Supplied
Majak Daw and his son Hendrix. Picture: Supplied

HM: Do they check out?

MD: Yeah, people check themselves out, it’s pretty sad because it’s real life in there, some people that I’ve met this was their 10th time in rehab, so I was really mindful when I came out not to glorify drinking because I know I’ve got some friends who struggle with addiction and drinking, I just want to make sure that through my actions, it can be done.

HM: Did you get good at hiding your drinking before you went in?

MD: Yeah, I did. I’d be tired and going to work. But it’s interesting, when I came back out and I was speaking to some friends and they’re like, “The times we’ve caught up with you, you stunk like alcohol.” That is so embarrassing. I was like, “Why didn’t you say something?” I wish they had said something, but I know I probably wouldn’t have listened to what they’re saying. But now when I smell it on other people, I can’t stand the smell of it. When I look back at the frequency of my drinking, how many times I drank in a week, when I was in rehab the counsellors would speak and say “That’s what an alcoholic does, once they have a drink in their hand, they can’t stop.” Luckily I’ve lost the craving for drinking, and it’s made me become a far more honest person. I’ve always valued honesty, but it was just little white lies, maybe to hide the fact that I was drinking or what I’ve been up to, where now that’s been removed. I don’t need to lie about anything. I’m just glad my parents are not stressed about my choices and my behaviours and they’re so supportive, I just didn’t know how mum and dad would take the fact that I was going to rehab, I don’t know what they would say.

HM: Are you getting more nourishment out of your nine to five? Are you feeling like you’re less inclined to be bored and search for other highs? Or are you still battling on that front?

MD: Yeah, it’s really rewarding. The highs you do get from playing footy, training every day being around a group of people, I feed off that, I feed off the energy of other people. I’m learning so much more, I hadn’t used the skills that you need to use at work. Learning things like office admin and how to write programs and run programs and the benefits that the kids that we’re working with, the Werribee diversity squad that will lead into the North Melbourne NGA, I think that I would’ve had a direct impact to some of the kids that might drafted in years to come. That really excites me and I just enjoy taking myself out of my thoughts sometimes and just doing service to others, helping other people whenever I can, that’s what gives me joy.

HM: So what’s your official title now?

MD: I’m a transitioning coordinator. So transitioning talent from kids who’ve never played footy before or aren’t really into footy and transitioning them into elite talent. Some of the kids that I’ve come across, football is not a thing in their families, so throughout these programs if they’re good enough, then they’ll transition to playing higher footy or get registered at local footy clubs. So that’s what I’m doing, it’s busy enough but I still want to do more. I’m also coaching, Tuesday nights I coach the VFL boys, the key position players, I work with them and when North Heidelberg is not playing I’ll duck down to a game and sit with them on the bench.

HM: Going back to rehab, did you have withdrawals? A mate of mine was in rehab the other day and they pulled themselves out.

MD: The first week I did and it was awful. I just slept all day and pretty much ate and slept and just felt awful. I didn’t know what it was until I was speaking to the staff and they said “You are having withdrawals from alcohol?” But it eventually goes away.

HM: What were the other learnings?

MD: There are some rules in there that you can’t break, Monday nights you couldn’t watch the telly and you can only watch TV for a certain time. You couldn’t access your phone unless it was something urgent, and you couldn’t be in other people’s rooms. We need to make sure we re-educate people on the importance of having structure in their life. It’s really helped me, and it’s allowed me to be consistent in aspect of my life. When it comes towards the end of the week now, I know I’ve done everything that I need to do that week. I’m not going to be perfect a hundred per cent of the time, but at least there’s a drive to improve things.

HM: How can we help you?

MD: Not me, but all of us. I think people are always going to be judgmental of my choices, and that’s fine. But I think if people can be more understanding that addiction is real, and a lot of people do struggle with it in silence or behind closed doors. People are good at hiding their addiction. I think just being honest with your friends, if you sense there’s an issue at hand that you’ve noticed for a while, tell them. I’m far more honest with my friends, and few friends of mine have decided not to drink for a period of time because they think it’s an issue in their life. I’m glad that there’s some positive impacts on the back of my choices.

Majak Daw has opened up about his recovery from addiction. Picture: Nicole Cleary
Majak Daw has opened up about his recovery from addiction. Picture: Nicole Cleary

HM: Are you terrified you’ll drink again? Lapse?

MD: Yeah, I am. I’m really aware of it, it’s always in the forefront of my mind. There’s things that I do in the morning and at night just to remind myself of the journey that I’m on and what my life was like in the past. It was so serious that I could’ve lost the ability to see Hendrix, because I wasn’t responsible enough with my life. I could have taken someone else’s life. It’s critical to me that I continue to do the right thing, and stay disciplined, I know that when I drink, not too many good things come from it.

Majak Daw is a part of the new series called Let’s Talk. A new episode is released on Sundays at 5pm at aia.com.au/letstalk or afl.com.au.

Originally published as Majak Daw opens up about going to rehab for alcohol addiction

Original URL: https://www.adelaidenow.com.au/news/victoria/majak-daw-opens-up-about-going-to-rehab-for-alcohol-addiction/news-story/a892186849e8ed97ef40d4a9a404a6f8