SA Police Commissioner Grant Stevens talks on loss, love and learning to live again after Charlie’s death
Six months on from the death of his beloved son, Grant Stevens has opened up about trying to move on and what it means for his future as Police Commissioner.
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Six months after the tragic loss of his teenage son, Police Commissioner Grant Stevens says he’s finding it harder than ever.
“He’s not here,” Stevens says simply of son Charlie, 18, who was killed in an alleged hit-run at Goolwa on November 17 last year.
“He’s a big part of our life still but he’s not here and it’s actually harder now for (wife) Emma and I than it was in those early days.
“In those early days our house was busier than Grand Central station, you didn’t really have time to think and there were so many people around us, which we are so grateful for.
“But things get back to normal, people move on which is completely understandable and that circle of people who are there checking in on you reduces quite a lot.”
I have known Grant Stevens for more than 20 years and here we are, sharing his deeply personal story in front of 600 guests at the Breakthrough Mental Health Foundation’s Men’s Meals and Mental Health Dinner at Adelaide Oval.
The man who was the face of calm and reason during the Covid-19 pandemic is at once vulnerable, honest, teary, quick-witted and funny.
It is an important message on an important night, which aims to increase conversations around men’s mental health.
A table in front of us has nine empty chairs, which shows the number of Australians who take their own lives every day. Seven of those are men.
Mr Stevens is a Breakthrough board member, as am I, and he has agreed to share his story to help others.
In itself that’s not unusual as he has spent a life and a career dedicated to others, but tonight is a little different as he opens his heart on both his own loss, but his determination to forge ahead, find meaning and remember the good times.
He talks about having little memory of when he was told about Charlie’s death.
He says it was an easy decision, a “no-brainer” to donate his organs, because “that’s what Charlie wanted”.
Then, raising his right hand, he mentions a special reminder he carries with him of Charlie every day.
“When we were in the hospital with Charlie, Emma took this ring off his finger and she put it on and I said, “Can I have a look at that?” and I haven’t given it back yet,” he says.
“It’s got his initials on the inside, this was a ring Charlie had made.”
He recalls an adored son, grandson, brother, uncle and mate, a cheeky and outgoing teenager who loved his job as a carpenter as much as he loved a party.
“Every time I put my hand in my pocket, that ring catches on my pocket, and I think he’s still here,” he says with a mixture of tears and laughter,” he says.
“ … We are devastated by the loss of Charlie but f**k we have a few laughs about him, he’s right here and we’re telling stories all the time.
“We look at photos and photos make you smile and then you look at that same photo later on and it brings a tear to your eye.”
Grant and Emma Stevens worry about Charlie’s mates, especially those with him on the night of the crash, but they remain a big part of their lives, regularly dropping in.
“We worry a lot about them but it’s really special that those boys just roll in,” he says.
“They came in the Friday night before Mother’s Day with a camellia … this bunch of boys have chipped in and bought Emma a Mother’s Day present.
“Another six or eight roll in so a night where I might have been having one glass of wine, at 11 o’clock I’m having whiskeys with these boys … I’ve got to front up to work the next morning and they don’t.”
The Stevens family are forever grateful for the continued outpouring of love and support, as the state seemed to collectively mourn Charlie’s death.
“You can’t put it in words, even before Charlie’s service you couldn’t actually go through our front gate because of the flowers,” he says.
“The messages we received, the cards from people we’ve never met.
“That really meant something for us, we’ll never forget that, we wish we didn’t have to do it but it was very moving.”
The flowers, messages and cards came from South Australians who feel like they know Grant Stevens and want to give back to a man who’s given so much.
But the story of how he came to be South Australia’s 21st Police Commissioner is less known.
THANK GOD FOR SHIRLEY BROWN
If it wasn’t for a woman named Shirley Brown, it may never have happened.
Back in 1981, Shirley was a supervisor at Target Tea Tree Plaza and Mr Stevens was a fresh faced 17-year-old, working full time at the store after leaving Banksia Park High School the previous year.
He began his retail career in the china and glass department but there were breakages. So, they moved him to socks.
At that point in his life, by his own admission, he was lacking a sense of purpose and any ambition about a potential career.
It was a Saturday afternoon stocktake. Back then the shops closed at midday and the young Grant was counting socks. Hundreds of them. He took his final tally to supervisor Shirley.
“She looked at that number and she said ‘that can’t be right, go and do it again’,” he says.
And that was it. He walked into police headquarters in the city and signed up.
“I just happened to walk into police recruiting when they were looking to fill a course that was starting in January 1982,” he says.
“They offered me a position and I remember standing on the steps of police headquarters thinking, ‘What have I just done?’.”
His early days on the road weren’t without their challenges.
“Most people in their lives would be unfortunate to face more than one or two serious traumatic events that could change the course of their life, whereas police officers have the potential to face that every single week,” he says.
“I’m no different; I’ve been attacked by a person with an axe, had to pick up body parts off the side of the road, the person who attacked me with an axe then murdered my patrol partner, back in 1990, suicides, death messages to families – they all take a toll and back when I was doing it, there was no support.
“You do the job, you go back in, have your meal break and go out and do it again.”
Mr Stevens admits he spent a lot of time as a detective, doing his best to avoid child sex abuse investigations, because of the nature of the work.
“It was one of those things where there’s the heartbreak of listening to a child telling their story about being abused and then sitting in front of the perpetrator of the abuse,” he says.
Until 2003, when he was asked to head up the state’s newly formed Pedophile Task Force.
“I did my best to avoid them but then I was put into a situation where I was now running a taskforce that was investigating and arresting pedophiles,” he says.
“That was pretty confronting, talking to 40-50 year old men who’d been sexually abused as children, seeing how it changed the course of their life and the trauma they’ve experienced, you do take some of that home.
“During that time they also put me in charge of child exploitation so we were also viewing child porn, child exploitation images.
“At the time Emma and I had two young boys and I still remember looking at my own kids thinking how could anyone do that to a child.”
That role was the turning point in Grant Stevens’ career. More than 1000 cases were investigated, some going back decades.
“I created something from nothing, we changed legislation, we did what people believed was the impossible,” he says.
“We were arresting people for 40-year-old offences and I think it was a turning point in my career when people started to notice me.”
I NEVER EYED THE TOP JOB
Grant Stevens says he never aspired to get the top job.
“If I’m honest I’d say that I probably lacked ambition right throughout my career but I loved what I did and I can’t remember any job I’ve had that I haven’t thoroughly enjoyed,” he says.
“It wasn’t until I was Deputy Commissioner that I thought, I might end up being the Commissioner here.”
Nine years on and the Police Commissioner is leading a workforce of more than 6000 men and women, at arguably the most challenging time in our state’s policing history.
Attracting and retaining staff is difficult and too many first responders, including police officers, are taking their own lives.
“There are things you experience as a police officer you simply can’t leave behind and if we’re not reaching in to ensure our people are OK, this is potentially the consequence of the work we do,” he says.
“The best thing we can do is make sure that our people understand that it’s OK to ask for help and it’s OK to put your hand up and say I’m struggling with issues I’ve been dealing with.”
He uses cycling as an escape from the daily pressures, a regular 5am ride with friends, and sometimes alone.
On the tough days, it’s all about family and friends.
“Emma and I have got each other, our kids are leading their own lives but they’re still a part of what we do,” he says.
“We’ve got some close friends that we can just relax around and they are genuinely there for us and that’s important.”
He mentions a close mate who “breezes through my house for a total of four minutes, gives me a hug, has one Pale Ale, and then goes”.
As for the future, there are no plans to step away anytime soon.
“If I’m honest there was a point in the last couple of months I had off after we lost Charlie that I thought retirement might be the right way to go,” he says.
“I mentioned that to Emma and she said, ‘You’re welcome to be here after 5 o’clock at night. Happy to have dinner with you every night but we’re not having lunch every day’.
“I’m very committed to what I do. I love my job and I think there’s more I can do for not just SAPOL as an organisation but the people who are the backbone of what we do for South Australia.
“There’s more to do yet.”
To donate to Breakthrough Mental Health Foundation, go to breakthroughfoundation.org.au
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