New hotline, crisis beds helping men recognise red flags before they give in to violence

Tom* is an average husband and father – but he knows he’s on the edge and he’s among a growing number of men reaching for help.

Tom* seems like an average guy – he works full-time as an engineer, he’s been married for 10 years and has two children.

But recently he’s been fighting more with his wife, “snapping” and “losing it” and even getting physical.

As families prepare for the extra stresses that can come at Christmas time, it’s a situation that could easily escalate.

But Tom is one of more than 170 men who have recognised something’s not right and reached out through a new helpline.

The Don’t Become That Man service opened in June for men who are worried about their thoughts or behaviour towards women and want help before they become violent.

Run by Community Transitions and funded by the State Government, the helpline is attracting calls from all types of men, although the typical caller is aged 40 to 50, employed, usually with kids and living in suburban Adelaide. Very few have any criminal history.

Community Transitions CEO Leigh Garret said men were often prompted to seek help after highly public crimes of family violence, such as when Brisbane man Rowan Baxter murdered his wife and children by setting their car on fire earlier this year.

“When these events happen that does cause men to ring up … and say Holy Moley I don’t want to be him,” Mr Garret said.

“It’s trying to capture that moment of self-doubt or concern and have a pathway ready for help.”

Mr Garrett said his staff were “all very worried about Christmas” as SA Police data shows offences related to domestic violence spike by about 20 per cent at this time of year.

“Extended time off work, increased alcohol consumption and more time focused on parenting … can all contribute to men lurching into harmful behaviour,” he said.

“Some men, or their potential victims, will already be dreading the coming festive fortnight. My advice to them is act now – call our helpline.”

Human Services Minister Michelle Lensink said there were services available for “men who are worried about their current controlling behaviour and we’re really urging them to reach out for help to break the cycle before it’s too late”.

Alongside the helpline, the government is funding nine crisis beds for abusive men who need to be separated from their family to break the cycle of violence.

The independent units opened in September and so far seven men have stayed for a month each.

Another six were offered places but did not go ahead. Four men are spending the festive period there, including three who have children.

These men are usually referred by police or child protection and receive counselling and help with housing or court proceedings.