Julian Burton survived Bali but 20 years later ‘survivor’s guilt’ makes it hard to talk about

On the eve of the 20th anniversary of the Bali bombings, survivor Julian Burton recalls the horrifying moment his world turned upside down. Warning: Graphic images.

There is an uncertainty about Julian Burton. A hesitancy that stems from Burton’s status as a survivor of the Bali bombings on October 12, 2002. The uncertainty comes from Burton’s knowledge that life has been good to him since that horrific night in Bali when 202 people were murdered. He knows there are many, many others who were not so fortunate. Not just those who lost their lives, but all the mums and dads, brothers and sisters, the aunties and uncles, cousins and friends of those who lost someone that day and still mourn that absence in their lives every day.

In some ways those who survived Bali are yet another reminder of what life could have been for so many others.

There’s an element of “survivor’s guilt” for Burton. Why he survived the bombs, while others didn’t was no more than luck. Just random chance. He says that’s why he finds it difficult to talk about Bali.

“As I’ve gotten older I think I don’t talk about it and I don’t share it because I know that I’m still here 20 years on,’’ he says. “And there’s a lot of other families and individuals around the world that are not. So, therefore maybe it’s me that has been protective, or that’s my way of respecting the people who can’t talk about it or who mourn or grieve their loved ones.’’

Three South Australians were killed in Bali. Sturt footballer Josh Deegan and club official Bob Marshall. A third South Australian, 19-year-old Angela Golotta, also perished.

Now 49, Burton suffered significant injuries in the explosion. There were third-degree burns to 30 per cent of his body, as well as first and second degree burns. There were also shrapnel wounds from the explosion. He had extensive skin grafts, spent more than a month in the Royal Adelaide Hospital after being evacuated from Bali and had to learn how to walk and move again.

Julian Burton after his second operation on burns. Picture: Supplied

Julian Burton after he was horribly injured and burned in the 2002 Bali bombings. He received third degree burns to 30 per cent of his body, and would spend months in hospital.

It was while in hospital he decided to raise money to help other burns’ victims. He started the Julian Burton Burns Trust, which would raise more than $20 million until it wound up in 2018.

“The Burns Trust could have been a real strong reason about, maybe, survivor’s guilt,’’ he says. “And maybe that’s the one of the reasons that drove me because it was my way that I handled a tragedy that happened to me’’.

Sitting in his house in the Adelaide Hills, which he shares with wife Kay and his five children, Burton talks about Bali, but with that reluctance hanging on every sentence. He will attend, as he always does, the memorial service held by the Sturt Football Club, but plans to slip away quietly.

He says he understands the public fascination with the 20-year anniversary, and the collective desire to acknowledge the loss of 202 lives, including 88 Australians, but again defers to those who lost loved ones in Bali. For those who live with the loss every day of their lives and don’t need anniversaries to remind them.

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“I can’t speak on behalf of those families, but whether it’s the 17th year, 13th year, 10th year, 365 days, they wake up every morning and don’t see their son or daughter or don’t see their brother or sister because of that tragedy.

“Where I get up after 20 years and walk out and see a beautiful wife, five beautiful kids. You know, and I’m surrounded by love and happiness and health. And you know, so therefore I probably play it down a bit.’’

Numerous times he says he doesn’t know if “it’s the right way or the wrong way’’ to approach the memories of Bali, but that it’s “my way’’.

Julian Burton with his wife Kay and their children Mya, 4, Seb, 7, Max, 17, Archie, 14, and Aj, 6. Picture: Brenton Edwards

Burton was a 29-year-old footballer struggling with injuries and his future in the game when he went to Bali in 2002. His team, Sturt, had just won the SANFL premiership, the club’s first triumph in 26 years. Burton hadn’t played in the grand final and, and while happy for his teammates, was in a “poor me, poor me spot’’.

“I went to the farm (on the Eyre Peninsula) with my mum and dad, and sulked for a week and felt sorry for myself, if I’m being brutally honest,’’ he says.

Burton had never been on an end-of-season footy trip. He worked as a teacher and the school holidays and the footy trip had never lined up. But this year he decided to go to Bali. He thought it would be fun and a good way to reconnect with his teammates and fire up his enthusiasm to play again the following season.

Burton remembers landing in Bali on the morning of October 12. During the day he and his teammates wandered the streets, exploring the holiday isle, spotted the Sari club and decided that was where they should head that night. It wasn’t a long walk from their hotel.

The plan was to meet at the Sari Club at 7pm. The players gathered and had a chat. They set down some rules about what kind of behaviour was expected.

“We were representing the Sturt Football Club. We knew that we’re going to have some fun, but we knew our boundaries,’’ he says.

They even took up a collection to give to the club’s security guards asking them to alert them if anyone was stepping out of line.

At around 11pm, Burton was at the bar ordering a round.

“From my memory, I just remember an explosion. It was just like a car that backfired,’’ he says.

Burton was struggling with injuries and his future in football when he went to Bali in 2002.

The music that had been playing to a packed dancefloor jumped and the club went quiet, people asking ‘what was that?’

“And then five seconds later, it just went boom,’’ Burton says.

He’s not sure what happened next. He thinks he was knocked unconscious but his next memory is of being “trapped under these big pylons’’.

There was straw on fire and he tried to put it out but he was stuck under the pylons. Panic set in until he could move the weight off. Then he started to crawl away before regaining his feet.

“I ran a couple of ways and I just couldn’t get out. I could feel the heat. I could feel that I was in an inferno I knew I was in trouble. And then I can feel myself starting to you know, I’m starting to burn,’’ he remembers.

Burton saw a ray of light off to his left. He’s still not sure if it was a light or a camera but decided he had to make a run for it through the flames. He made it out.

“I was very fortunate. Very lucky that I got on the outside.’’

As bad as it sounds, and Burton talks about seeing bodies motionless on the ground, he won’t detail the full horror of what he saw that night. “Some of the things that I saw, I would never communicate. Like if I told you some of the stuff, which I’d never do. But it’s horrific.’’

In shock, Burton knew he had been burnt but didn’t know how bad he was. Third degree burns destroy the nerve endings, so he didn’t feel the pain immediately. With some mates, he made his way to the beach and walked into the sea.

“I remember laying in the water,’’ he says. “I could feel my skin on my back just float and it was a really uncomfortable feeling, it wasn’t a painful feeling, but I just kind of knew something wasn’t right.’’

Once out of the ocean, he was asked if he was OK by a woman from Melbourne. She took him and a few others back to her hotel and put him under a cold shower.

“And that was hard and that was when I knew I was in a bit of trouble,’’ he says.

Burton was taken to a hospital. By then the victims of the blast were filling the wards. In the first he remembers seeing names on a wall that had lines drawn through them. He knew what that meant. The first hospital couldn’t take him. Neither could the second. On the operating table in the third hospital the words he remembers are “he’s shutting down, he’s shutting down’’.

Julian Burton arriving at the Adelaide Airport via RAAF Hercules aircraft hospital, October 15, 2002.

Burton was then evacuated, first to Darwin, then home to Adelaide.

He endured a first round of skin grafts that didn’t take and a week later he was put through the process again.

“I remember coming back after that operation, and my mum and dad were there and I just started crying because my body, I couldn’t move, I was stiff as a board,’’ he says.

The second bout of surgery was conducted by Professor John Greenwood, who would treat 67 patients in the aftermath of Bali. But it was also the start of a long personal and business relationship between the pair. One of the problems with skin grafts is removing skin from a “donor site’’ on the patient. Harvesting that skin to reapply elsewhere on the body is a painful process. On a badly burned patient it can also be difficult to find a place to take the skin from. Greenwood developed a process to grow artificial skin and the duo worked on a way to commercialise the process. Greenwood and Burton collaborated with the stock exchange listed Polynovo, which now sells the product globally. Burton is also optimistic the technology can be developed to treat diabetes by allowing patients to grow a new pancreas.

Burns surgeon Dr John Greenwood and Julian Burton founder of Julian Burton Trust charity for burns victims at the Royal Adelaide Hospital. Picture: Tom Huntley

Burton attributes some of his ability to recover from Bali to his parents Nicole and Wayne. “My parents would say, you can only sit in the corner and cry for so long but then you got to find a way to get on your feet and walk again,’’ he says. “Mum and dad always had a saying, ‘never forget where you come from and who got you there’. Always be grateful for what you have in life.’’

His brother Darren was also in Bali, but he says the family rarely talk about it. Again, he says, this is a matter of respect for families who were not so lucky.

Burton says he doesn’t want to be defined by what happened in Bali, but is wise enough to know that is a luxury granted to him by survival.

“In saying that, if my brother had passed away, or if I lost an arm or a leg, or I was 80 per cent burnt, maybe my attitude might be different, and I’m very well aware of that.’’

When he was recovering, Burton thought he would return to both teaching and football. To him that would show life was returning to normal.

READ:GUARDIANS OF THE DEAD – THE BALI BOMBINGS

“I guarantee if Bali didn’t happen, I would have been playing football and I would have been teaching,’’ he says.

But something else happened. As he lay in hospital he decided he wanted to give something back to all those had helped him. He started raising money, generating $300,000 in that first year. He wanted to find a positive in the darkness of Bali, gave away teaching and football, and created the Julian Burton Burns Trust.

“It was to say thank you to all the people that helped me in a really tough situation,’’ he says.

The trust closed four years ago as Burton and Greenwood focused on developing the artificial skin technology. But with wife Kay, Burton set up the Burton Foundation which supports charities such as Operation Flinders, the Jodi Lee Foundation and ChildFund Australia. Part of the rationale is to be a “role model’’ for his children Max, Archie, Sebastian, Alexander and Mya.

“Hopefully our children will then take on those values and those morals of giving back and making a difference because you never know when you could be in a situation where you need people.’’