We can’t cull trees and we can’t cull sharks either | Peter Goers

There are many, many things in life that might kill us but we’re not calling to eliminate them. Why are sharks special, writes Peter Goers.

They killed all the sharks and put ’em in a shark museum. And they charged the people a dollar and a half just to see ’em.

Apologies to Joni Mitchell who wrote that about trees.

Trees kill.

We don’t have to kill all the trees to save ourselves - though some people want to.

Toothpicks kill and we don’t ban them. Tobacco and alcohol kill - legally. We don’t cull dogs and snakes in case they kill.

Cars certainly kill and we’re not getting rid of them though the Greens woulds like to.

Some sharks occasionally kill some people. Just like journalists, they can smell blood from a long way away.

We can’t cull them – journalists or sharks.

We are a coastal nation. Most of Australia’s population sits on the veranda of our coast looking seaward waiting for our ships to come in.

We venture into the sharks’ environment at our own risk. It’s our fault and that of a fickle fate it we are attacked in the water.

Shark attacks are dreadful and one can easily understand the desire for vengeance. The surfer mayor of Elliston, Andrew McLeod, is promoting a shark cull.

That’s tricky because there are a billion sharks in the world and all but two species are harmless.

Elliston shark attack victim and mayor Andrew McLeod with his damaged board.

Good luck finding sharks to kill because they’re fast and furious.

Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water, more people are being attacked and killed by sharks.

One of the reasons for this (Andrew Bolt take note) is climate change. Also over-fishing is causing sharks to come closer to shores for prey.

The fear of sharks is primal. Their beauty and efficiency make them fascinating.

Fear of sharks was hugely exacerbated by the original and excellent Jaws movie. Fear of sharks is a fear of the unseen, that which lurks.

Does anyone ever swim in the sea without thinking of sharks?

As a teenager I was chased out of the water by a shark at Seacliff.

I was swimming with friends at dusk (bad time) and we were way out of our depth (even worse) when the blessed shark patrol plane returning from the southern beaches spotted a shark very near to us, flew down close with siren blaring and circled the shark as we swam faster than we ever thought possible to the safety of dry land.

We stood shivering with fear and relief on the beach as the plane followed the shark along the coast. It was very scary but my number was not up.

Since then I always make sure I’m never the swimmer furthest out.

Dogs and urine in the water are supposed to deter sharks but that’s a furphy.

Blood on your person or anywhere near you is a shark magnet. Wearing bright bathers and jewellery can attract sharks so I’m getting rid of my neon orange togs.

I salute the blithe bravery of surfers who sit atop boards waiting for waves with their legs dangling in the water.

They risk shark attack and haemorrhoids.

Sharks are beautiful with their 300 teeth, their beady, killing eyes and exquisite skin. They are in continual motion – rather like Hans on stage – because it’s harder to fire at a moving target.

Abalone divers show extraordinary courage and they earn big money and deserve every cent of it.

They say it’s not the sharks they see that are the problem, it’s the sharks they don’t see.

Every shark attack and death is tragic but we can’t cull sharks.

In the entire history of Australia since white settlement some 261 people have been killed by sharks compared with 1266 road deaths in Australia last year alone.

In 2022-23, 281 Australians drowned as governments cancel free swimming lessons for children.

Forgiveness is all.

I recall a plea by parents who had lost their son to a shark, not to cull.

We cannot, must not cull sharks. Culling sharks is like the term “jumping the shark” - a euphemism for something absurd and ridiculous.

You are more than twice as likely to win the lottery as to be attacked by a shark.

Pray your lottery numbers come up and pray you’re not prey.