The Paris Olympics received backlash, but it was ‘very strange, yet oddly compelling’ writes Peter Goers
Nothing says Olympic Games like a large, blue man sprawled in a plate of vegetables... Peter Goers talks the Paris Olympic opening ceremony.
Opinion
Don't miss out on the headlines from Opinion. Followed categories will be added to My News.
To medal or not to medal. To podium or not? Nouns become verbs at the Olympic Games as athletes (pronounced “athaletes” by some commentators) are “efforting” towards “medalling” at a coveted “ceremoany” in “a unique uniform”. One commentator told us “all the athletes have back stories”.
One tires of hearing of athletes’ struggles to get to the Games. We all struggle to get anywhere in life. Lots of commentators are excellent but some are inept.
Once every four years we get square eyes watching the Olympics day and night on TV and we become instant experts on sports we haven’t thought about since the last Olympic Games.
“How’s that for a perfect Nordic combination? … Gosh, that’s a beautiful Yurchenko double pike!”, we say from our prone position on the couch or abed. I had five words for Paris when I visited – “get me out of here” – but it looks lovely at these Games. However, the opening “ceremoany” was a pretentious shambles, which is my nickname. It was “le petit déjeuner d’un chien”. Pardon my French for a dog’s breakfast. It was also “une folie du grandeur”. And wet.
It lacked talent. The French are not famous as singers – brilliant as she was, Edith Piaf hollered and Charles Aznavour had a range of two notes.
The opening was very strange, yet oddly compelling. The thruple seducing one another in the library and then rushing off to bonk behind closed doors was very nice, but what did it have to do with the Olympics?
Nothing says Olympic Games like a large, blue man sprawled in a plate of vegetables in the middle of a bad fashion parade on a footbridge. I’m confused that this has been perceived as a blasphemous version of the Last Supper. That wasn’t in my Bible.
Lady Gaga was stunning, although hers was the most camp routine I’ve ever seen (and that’s saying something). Celine Dion bores me stiff and apparently her song cost $1m a minute. There was a breakdancing opera singer. All opera singers should be breakdancers and clearly this is what Pavarotti, Sutherland, Melba and Callas lacked in their careers.
The illuminations on and from the Eiffel Tower were nice but too prolonged – much like the whole event – and the one horseman of the apocalypse riding down the Seine became boring.
I liked the faceless person leaping all over Paris with the torch because parkour is my sport. I’m always leaping off and from tall buildings in a single bound.
It was a made-for-TV event and those foregathered along the river would have seen little or nothing except on a screen. Merde!
Rugby is the world’s most stupid sport. Lots of leisure activities have become Olympic sports such as skateboarding, surfing and mountain bike riding. BMX belongs in a circus.
Tennis has been ruined by grunting and, of course, only very attractive people are allowed to play beach volleyball. Breakdancing is now an Olympic sport but bullfighting, rodeo, chess, Aussie Rules football, tug of war, lacrosse, lawn bowls, netball, quiz nights, Twister, egg and spoon races, three-legged races and ballroom dancing are ignored.
I love the gymnastics best of all as commentated by the superb Liz Chetkovich, with whom I’m in love. She’s dry, wry and highly knowledgeable.
I love all the gymnastics terms – double-double, wobble, flic flac, salto, And I love being told the scant difference between a Kasamatsu and a Tsukahara skill in a routine.
I also enjoy the equestrian events as commentated by Lucinda Green in her cut glass accent.
It’s all very jolly, splendid, silly and expensive. As ever, Australians swim to victory and then get to medal and podium. As ever, Australians whinge about their digs in the Olympic village and at home we risk throwing not a discus, but a disc, getting off the couch watching the Games of the XXXIII Olympiad. Oi. Oi. Oi
Email: peter goers@news.com.au Follow @Busbygoers
Labor’s plan to attack Dutton revealed
Labor’s plan to attack Peter Dutton in the final week of the campaign has been revealed as they focus on his perceived weaknesses that voters don’t like, writes James Campbell.
Stain on the state: There will be no statues erected for this David
Convicted cocaine supplier David Speirs was once touted as a future Premier, a move that cast lasting doubt on his former Liberal colleagues’ judgment. Now, he has confirmed just how justified that doubt was.