Peter Goers: My short-lived political career flamed out, after Payneham taught me how to be a loser

Peter Goers says he lost an election once too ... but only because the voters don’t have a sense of humour.

US President Donald Trump pumps his fist after falsely declaring victory in the US election. Picture: Mandel Ngan/AFP

I lost an election, too. In 2002, I was on the bones of my arse and decided to run for Mayor of Norwood, Payneham and St Peters. I announced I was really only doing it for the money: $25,000 a year and a great car park outside Norwood Town Hall. I may be the only candidate to have ever been honest about doing it for the money.

Then, as reported on the front page of the local Messenger paper, I asked if anyone could tell me where Payneham was. Payneham is assuredly a very nice place but I suspected unless you lived there, no one had actually been to Payneham. It’s a non-place.

Unfortunately, Payneham is 50 per cent of the electorate and in one fell swoop I’d just lost 50 per cent of the vote, except for people in Payneham with a sense of humour and, sadly, Payneham is not known for irony.

A benefactor paid for my leaflets to be delivered to every letterbox in the electorate and I hit the hustings. Actually, I hit the husting. I handed out leaflets and met the constituents exactly once. I went to Kmart at Firle and foisted my leaflets on people with a strange and sad lack of conviction as I could fathom no reason why anyone would wish to vote for me. I attended one candidate’s forum and that was it.

Incredibly, I garnered 4900 votes but lost to the incumbent, Laurie Fioravanti of Payneham. I enlisted a scrutineer to have a good “scroot” at the count but no impropriety was found. I had encouraged mail-in votes because it was the only way to vote.

No concession was necessary because my opponent was the clear winner, although I trust I wrote to congratulate him and he was always nice when I ran into him in the supermarket.

Losing that election was the best thing that ever happened to me because my fantasy of being the beneficent ruler of the Republic of Norwood and stymie development would’ve been a world of woe; and, more importantly, I would never have had my radio career, which remains my greatest opportunity in life. There are so often more tears in answered prayers than unanswered prayers.

No one likes a sore loser. We try to teach children to lose gracefully. Tennis players who are more highly strung than their racquets often serve as appalling examples. Olympic taekwondo competitor Angel Matos takes the cake as a sore loser. In the 2008 Olympics he lost, kicked the referee, sat down and refused to leave the arena. He’s clearly the role model for the “I wuz robbed” shenanigans in Washington D.C.

Life is not always fair. Peter O’Toole, Richard Burton and Alfred Hitchcock never won Oscars. Bob Newhart was nominated for 25 Emmy awards and won none. Smiling, even through gritted teeth, is winning.

After nine years I finally beat Bob Francis in the radio ratings. He’d once bellowed at me, “You don’t know s**t about radio and you never will”.

I might have reminded him of that but I felt sad for him because, despite all, I admired him. Plus, I always felt I hadn’t won but he’d lost.

Years later in retirement he rang my show and was very generous, and I appreciated that gesture.

Winning and losing is part of life. Your opponents can’t win without you and we must be generous in victory and defeat. Sore losers lose twice and keep losing. Smile and stuff ’em if they can’t take a joke.

Peter Goers can be heard weeknights on ABC Radio Adelaide