Peter Goers | Here’s why Airbnb is never your home away from home

The only really good thing about staying in someone’s place as an Airbnb is you can go through their things, writes Peter Goers.

The only really good thing about staying in someone’s place as an Airbnb is you can go through their things. Everything else can be overrated, disappointing and even dangerous.

Remember bed and breakfast accommodation which was once prolific and oddly popular?Airbnbs are Bnbs with pretension and no breakfast.

My long, desultory history of staying with people has been appalling. I slept on a concrete floor for two weeks in Coogee, and I once shared a tiny, humid bedroom in Paddington with two amorous lesbians (not amorous with me, strangely enough) and I decamped to an hotel the next day much to everyone’s relief. There’s a lot to be said for hotels and motels.

My Bnb experiences have been even worse. I once shared a cupboard with someone in a crowded small house in Galway, Ireland and mine hostess served Irish stew three meals a day. Worse still was a Bnb in Mannum which had a vast collection of giraffes surrounding a spa in the middle of the bedroom. I stuck my neck out and immediately drove back to my giraffe-free house.

A tourist and Airbnb user walking past an anti-Airbnb posted in Greece. Picture: iStock

I live among clutter, not even organised chaos, and I love the bare, clean, anonymous space of a motel or hotel room.

I’ve stayed in one Airbnb and I’m still recovering. I was travelling for work with a colleague and every hotel and motel in a large country town was fully booked so, in desperation, we rented an Airbnb for a week. It was a two-bedroom house behind the owner’s house. The advertisement said they had a dear old friendly dog which was behind a fence and would love us. It was an incredibly vicious, monstrous beast which constantly charged the gate and fence, and appeared to want to go for our throats. This hound from hell only stopped slavering, growling and barking when it played with a very squeaky toy all night by the bedroom windows.

There were cameras recording our every move in the patio and we didn’t know we had to supply our own soap, shampoo and toilet paper until it was too late. On leaving we had to clean the entire house and wash the bedding. The owner inconveniently changed the promised checkout time and later accused us of stealing a towel which I’d actually put in the wardrobe. It was $270 a night and it wouldn’t have been worth it if they paid us that to stay there.

I encouraged my colleague to leave a bad review but he demurred in fear of the owner leaving him a bad review which would affect his ability to rent other Airbnbs, leaving questions as to whether the rating system is corrupt and/or worthless.

Never again. I’d rather sleep in the car.

The Airbnb app may not have a place on Peter Goers’ home screen.

The greed of Airbnb owners is retarding the desperate need for permanent rentals in the housing crisis.

Complaints against Airbnb owners are legion. One women slid into bed with possum faeces and urine. Another woman woke to find someone the owners knew in bed with her. That might be a nice way to meet people but it’s also potentially horrendous. Pet hair and pet odours assail others. Often Airbnbs are filthy, lack appropriate insurance and lack complaint and refund protocols. Bait and switch is common … owners say so sorry the house you booked is suddenly unavailable and you end up in the hovel they intended you to endure.

Many countries and cities are banning or heavily regulating Airbnbs. We must, too. The company is now having to compensate many Australian customers who had to pay in $US for years.

Property magnate and Leader of the Opposition in South Australia David Speirs owns 13 properties, some of which are available on Airbnb for up to $500 a night. Is he critical of the Labor Government’s lack of action to relieve the housing rental crisis?

We have wonderful hotels and motels throughout the state which welcome our custom. I love ’em all. The two best words in the English language are “room service” and “it’s benign” are good too. (The worst words are “salt damp”, “white ants” and “your call is important to us”.)

Stay in motels, hotels, caravan parks or swags or stay home. In an Airbnb you don’t know what you’re getting and you are more guess than guest.