Are you having mirror sex? This is your sign to start

Visual stimulation is key

Looking to boost your self confidence while increasing yours and your partner's pleasure? Mirror sex may be for you.

“Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the sexiest of them all?” No, that isn’t quite how the famous lime goes, but for Victorian woman, Megan, it’s how she says it, with her response, “us” or sometimes, simply, “me.”

For the 35-year-old, masturbating and having sex with her long-term partner in front of a mirror has elevated her sex life from good to, in her words, “unbelievable.”

“Some people use toys or role play; I use mirrors to help increase the pleasure factor in both sex with my partner and when solo sex,” she tells Body+Soul.

Referred to by sex therapists as mirror sex, it uses a mirror as a sexual device to enhance your sexual experience, through either viewing your own body parts or your partners during a sexual encounter says sex therapist from Love Therapy Australia, Lauren Bradley.

For Megan, mirror sex was accidentally stumbled across, or in front of, when on holiday.

“We had rented an Airbnb that happened to have huge mirrors in the bedroom. When my partner and I were intimate one evening, we both found ourselves looking at our reflection and using this to look at each other and what we were doing.

The sex that night was different to anything we’d had before, just super intense, and much longer too,” she says.

This intensity, Bradley says has to do with how the mirror enhances visual stimulation.

This intensity, Bradley says has to do with how the mirror enhances visual stimulation. Image: iStock

“Some people also enjoy the voyeuristic aspect of sex with a mirror as it’s like being watched or watching someone else have sex. Mirror sex can also support you to see new angles, or your partner’s face more during sex which can enhance pleasure and communication during sex. Watching yourself can build confidence as you can see yourself from your partner’s perspective.” she says.

As well as heightening pleasure, Bradley says other benefits of mirror sex have to do with the greater access it gives our eyes to unseen body parts, building our self-awareness and mind-body connection.

“Shame and stigmatisation around certain body parts, particularly genitals, is really common. Using a mirror to familiarise, normalise and connect to pleasure using these parts, can for some people be very therapeutic in healing their relationship with their body,” she explains.

And when you’re enjoying some solo pleasure time, mirrors can allow greater awareness of body parts and how they work.

“Some people also enjoy the voyeuristic aspect of sex with a mirror as it’s like being watched or watching someone else have sex. Mirror sex can also support you to see new angles, or your partner’s face more during sex which can enhance pleasure and communication during sex." Image: iStock

“Using a mirror for self-play can support you to clearly explore what you like, and therefore more accurately describe it to a future partner. If we know our body more intimately, we may be able to find our pleasure more easily, and therefore communicate our needs more clearly,” Bradley says.

This was the case for Megan, who says that without even saying what was more pleasurable to her partner, he could see it himself from her expressions and her body’s response.

“It was like the mirror offered a new way for him to read my desire,” she says.

“It was like the mirror offered a new way for him to read my desire". Image: iStock

For those who may be interested in giving mirror sex a whirl, whether alone or with a partner, Bradley offers some advice to ensure it goes as smoothly as possible.

#1. Logistics

Firstly, logistics, consider where the mirror is placed Bradley says.

“Mirrors can reflect far and wide so be sure that your mirror can’t be seen from other angles like through the window.”

#2. Get comfy!

Once you’re set up more privately, Bradley says it’s time to get acquainted with your mirror/s which may be better done by yourself first.

“Take a few moments next time you’re naked to try to sit with yourself, to try to acknowledge your body and notice the parts.”

#3. No judgement allowed.

“Don’t judge yourself if it’s hard to look at yourself, or to be comfortable with yourself, just notice that and ask yourself why that’s the case,” Bradley says.

#4. Accepting you for you

While loving your reflection may be too far a reach, Bradley says starting with accepting and normalising your reflection.

“Perhaps start with simply noting the function each body part performs,” she suggests.

For those who may be interested in giving mirror sex a whirl, whether alone or with a partner, Bradley offers some advice to ensure it goes as smoothly as possible. Image: iStock

#5. Pleasure points

“Next step – find out what feels pleasurable on your body and tap into what sensations you feel for each part you see,” Bradley says.

#6. Consent

Once you’ve got this down, this self-play knowledge can translate into partnered sex, says Bradley but always set a basis of consent with your partner and discuss first exactly what you want to explore and what your boundaries are.

#7. Start small

“Start small with making out in front of a mirror clothed, then when you’re ready move to standing naked next to each other.,” Bradley says.

#8. Explore

Once you’ve done this, Bradley says that you’re ready to explore some new positions with mirror sex.

#9. Check-in

Finally, debrief with your partner after sex to see what they liked or didn’t like about the experience and for any modifications you both would like for next time.

“Constant, kind communication is key.”

Originally published as Are you having mirror sex? This is your sign to start