Holiday guide: What your SA getaway destination says about you

Are you a surfie, hipster, yuppie, grey nomad or Outback adventurer? Check out our light-hearted guide to South Australian holiday destinations.

Ever wondered what type of people holiday in Robe? Or what’s the big deal about Aldinga?

Well, wonder now more. Because, with our tongue’s firmly planted in our cheeks, we’ve come up with this light-hearted take on what your SA holiday destination says about you.

* Note: The following is not a serious scientific study and relies on age-old, often untrue stereotypes. Please don’t read if you are easily offended.

** Secondary note: Well... some of the stereotypes might actually be true.

NARACOORTE: You’ve got to take the kids somewhere these school holidays. Been to Victor. Been to Moonta. Been to the Flinders. Even been to bloody Port Lincoln. What’s that place where the caves are? Naracoorte? Yes. let’s go. Hey, it’s got a swimming lake as well.

MOUNT GAMBIER: You don’t feel the cold and you don’t mind the wet. You might actually be a penguin. But then again, penguins don’t drink wine, so you can’t be a penguin, because if you’re holidaying in Mt Gambier, there’s a fair chance you’re also driving up the road to Coonawarra to sample one of their ripping cab savs. Or do penguins drink wine?

ROBE: You probably own a white linen shirt, possibly even an entire linen suit, and you know that pinot gris and pinot grigio are actually the same thing. Enjoy a lobster sandwich on a locally-sourced brioche and think the caravan park should probably be closed.

Naracoorte Caves National Park. Picture: Adam Bruzzone

VICTOR HARBOR/PORT ELLIOT: No, there is nothing weird about joining a 200m long queue to buy a pie and a doughnut. And if there is, you’re just doing it for ironic reasons anyway. You fully understand it’s not cool to line-up like a pleb, but, hey, it’s just what you do in Port Elliot. It’s not like you eat a pie any other time of the year. As soon as this is done, you’ll head up The Strand and demonstrate my impeccable taste in the antiques shops.

KANGAROO ISLAND: You were planning on heading to Victor again for your holiday, but figured it was time to support KI, after they did it so tough in 2020 with first the fires and then Covid. But first you’ve got to give blood, volunteer at the Hutt St centre, donate some old clothes to St Vinnies, take your plastic waste to the REDcycle drop-off at Coles to the and mow the neighbour’s lawn.

NORMANVILLE: You’re not a doctor or a lawyer so Carrickalinga is a bit out of your price range. But this is nice as well. It’s the same beach really and you can almost see Carrickilinga from here after all. You can drive there to breathe in the money and tell yourself Normanville will be the next big thing.

MCLAREN VALE: With a wine mag folded under the arm and your beret set on a jaunty angle, you fancy yourself as something of a … how do they say it in the Rhone Valley … a connoisseur. And you know what’s better than a Barossa red? A McLaren Vale red. They can keep your old fashioned Barossa fruit bombs, you’re all about the cool young kids of the Southern Vales. Wait? The cool young kids moved to the Adelaide Hills? Oh well, at least there are beaches. Or, as you call them, la plage.

ALDINGA: Better than Port Willunga because you can drive your Triton on the beach. Don’t mind an impromptu tailgate party with a few red tins and some hip hop on the old Bluetooth boom box. Like fishing, but mainly due to the fact that the missus leaves you alone and you can drink more tins.

PORT WILLUNGA: Robe lite.

ST KILDA: When you punch in an iconic Melbourne suburb in to your off-brand GPS machine, this is where you’ll end up. That’ll teach you for buying cheap stuff. That Great Wall truck does look pretty good though.

WALLAROO: Aah. How good’s summer. You’ve parked the car on the beach, set up the sun shade, the Esky is full, the barby’s set up and there’s not even a hint of a wave to worry about as the kids frolic in the water. You’re with a couple of other families and there’s enough of you for a decent game of beach cricket – if only the others would all agree that one-hand-one bounce is definitely out, but no, you can’t get out first ball.

PORT VINCENT: Yes, there are more popular spots on Yorke Peninsula. Been there, done them. Pt Vincent is where you go when you want a quieter, more family holiday. And they still let you jump off the jetty.

Cars on Aldinga Beach. Picture: David Mariuz

INNES NATIONAL PARK: You used to get barrelled at Chinamans, but now you ride your longboard at Ponde and leave the scary stuff for the young fellas. Love a Coopers (which may also explain why you don’t surf the heavy reefs anymore). You have a Marion Bay sticker on the Hilux and can’t believe they shut down Rhino’s Tavern. What a crock.

OODNADATTA TRACK: Bloody good chance to give the Landy a work out. This is the real bloody South Australia right here, salt of the earth people mate, not like those city folk. Speaking of city folk, how about those metro tools that think their SUVs are gonna cut it up here. What? Yeah, I’m from the city but I mean those other city folks.

WILPENA POUND: You want that Flinders experience without giving up that morning soy latte, that mountain hike with a relaxing bath at the end, the Outback with Friday night footy. Can’t blame you, really.

ARKAROOLA: You don’t do holidays, you do adventures. And you certainly don’t stay in Big 4 Caravan parks. Well, sometimes you might. But if you did, you wouldn’t tell your friends you were ‘camping’, because camping requires you to get off the bitumen, and it certainly doesn’t involve hooking up to 240 Volt or using flushing toilets.

Stargazing safari tents in Wilpena Pound.

DALHOUSIE SPRINGS: Arkaroola, on steroids. (You don’t do adventures, you do expeditions)

COOBER PEDY: You’re not really the Outback type, but you had to stop somewhere on the long drive to Uluru, so it might as well be in an underground bed and breakfast. Decide against a visit to The Breakaways cos you don’t really wanna take the Klugar off the tar. Can’t believe how much they charge for petrol up here, hey!

MELROSE: You’ve broken more than one bone in your mountain biking career, but that’s not going to stop you loading up the two Trek X-Calibers you and your partner lashed out on for Christmas and heading north. After hitting the tracks around Mt Remarkable, you might do a day hike in Alligator Gorge. Cos you’re an action man, and don’t anyone forget it.

THE BAROSSA: You’ve been going steady with her for three years and it’s time to pop the question. You’ve got the ring sorted and have got the tick of approval from her parents. So you book dinner at Hentley Farm before an overnighter at The Louise … and have told your boss that you’re available for any overtime shifts on offer to help pay off the debt.

HAHNDORF: It’s impossible to actually visit Germany these days so this is the next best thing. Take a few mates and drink oversized beers all day and pretend you are in Munich, while forcing down schnitzels and sausage and making fun of all the tourists trying to find a park on the packed main street.

A hot air balloon over the Barossa Valley.

RENMARK: You’ve booked the same site in the Big 4 for the past seven years and the kids have almost outgrown the jumping pillow, but the water park is still a winner and there’s nothing quite like watching the sunset from the bank of the mighty Murray.

MORGAN: You spent years complaining about how wake boats are ruining the river. And how they were no good for single skiing or barefooting anyway. But … well … they do look nice these days. And comfortable. And the wake is so big. You can even surf behind them. And the kids do like trying to get air on the wakeboard and kneeboard. Hmmm. How much are they again?

WEST COAST: Once you were probably a surfer or a fisherman, but these days you’re just as likely Instagram influencer looking for the perfect rock pool or pink lake shot. You know exactly how much butt cheek to expose while still keeping it classy, and exactly which hashtags to use to “drive engagement”. If only someone had mentioned the heat and the flies and the dust! #vanlife #rockpools #howstheflies

PORT LINCOLN: Honey, have you seen my Akubra with the crocodile tooth hat band? I need it because I’m heading to the adventure capital of South Australia – provided your idea of adventure involves staring down a 6m great white with a few steel bars stopping you from becoming lunch. There’s also a microbrewery and a coffee roaster, so city hipsters will actually feel quite comfortable.

Tash Atkinson sprays her daughter Jade riding a kneeboard River Murray.