My SIL’s husband died but I don’t want to cancel my wedding

The groom-to-be has asked the internet if he's being insensitive, and the reaction he got was... well... you be the judge!

Weddings these days seem to stir up a lot of unexpected debates. Like only offering vegetarian meals if the bride and groom don't eat meat, or whether or not children should be there, or providing bank details for direct cash transfers instead of a gift, or the no-wearing-white rule (ok that's been around for many moons... just don't do it!) 

But what happens to the big day when someone close to the family sadly passes away? This is the question being asked by one very confused groom-to-be. 

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The bride is getting pressure from her inlaws to cancel the big day. Image: iStock

My in-laws want us to postpone the wedding 

The 35-year-old man took to Reddit's AITAH thread to see what others thought of the pressure being put on him to cancel his wedding given that his sister-in-law's husband recently died. 

"I am supposed to get married next month. Now I'm not sure it's going to happen," he wrote. 

"My partner's sister was widowed last month. I've gotten a front row seat of how it has rocked my soon-to-be in-laws. Everyone has really tried going above and beyond for his sister, making sure she's as comfortable as possible. And I truly can't imagine, you know?"

And then came the "but". 

"My partner's mum came to him a few days ago and asked if he would consider postponing the wedding. She said they would cover all the lost money, would help us re-plan, etc. Apparently his sister has said there's no way she can attend the wedding, and his mum knew how important it was to him to have her there, so she just wanted to offer an alternative plan.

"I'm not very sentimental, but my partner is. Our wedding was planned for the 10-year anniversary of when we met. That's something that meant a lot to him, which makes it mean a lot to me, too.

"I'm trying to be sympathetic, but I'm just f**king raging. I can't help it. My emotions aren't allowing me to be objective. I know his mum came to him in good faith, but it makes me so angry to think about this being put on his shoulders a month before our wedding. He was so excited. And now I'm worried that if we don't reschedule, he's just going to be in his head the whole time, feeling guilty and unable to fully enjoy himself.

"I know his sister is hurting. I'm trying my absolute hardest not to piss off the family that is soon to be mine, one that's already mine in a lot of ways. Still, I'm so mad. I'd appreciate some objective POVs." 

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Should the wedding still go ahead? 

As with any AITAH posts, the groom-to-be was expecting to be slammed for being insensitive, but he surprisingly got a very supportive reaction online. 

"What a hard position to be in, your f**ked if you do and f**ked if you don’t. All you can do is have your partner speak with his sister and see if she can attend," someone commented. 

"She is grieving and will be for a long time. I understand her not wanting to be around extended family rn. But postponing won't mean she'll be ready at that time," another wrote. 

And another sympathised: "I don’t think this should have been asked of you."

Meanwhile, others highlighted that it's not just booking costs the bridal party and family need to consider. They also need to take into account the costs some of their guests might've already committed to ahead of the big day.

"There’s also the cost for each guest to travel, time taken off of work, hotels/flights/cars- depending on the size of your wedding, the cost to change dates could be significant for each of your guests as well," someone offered. 

"Some guests might have already purchased nonrefundable tickets, hotel reservations. Deposits for caterers, venues, already printed invitations = I doubt that you inlaws have any idea of the costs involved," another agreed. 

"Your SIL not wanting to attend is understandable, but she can't expect everyone to put their lives on hold while she processes her grief."

What would you do? 

Originally published as My SIL’s husband died but I don’t want to cancel my wedding