Nikki Osborne: My time on Dancing With the Stars

This is what really goes on behind the scenes of our most “dangerous” reality TV show.

Nikki Osborne during rehearsal for DWTS.

Dancing With The Stars is soon to hit the airwaves on Channel 7 and I know what many of you are thinking: more outdated, stuffy TV with a cast of has-beens and wannabes. In the past it could be said that the program serves more cheese than a mezze plate however, I’m pleased to report the new season is anything but.

How do I know?! I was there. And before you claim I’m both a has-been and wannabe I will comfort you with the reassurance that I am indeed the least famous on the show! I’m the only dud!

That’s right, they’ve wheeled out the big guns and also the most unlikely of cast members.

Yes, Ant Middleton has a lot of tatts but he was like a kid in a candy shop when those sparkly costumes rolled out. Also, Ben Cousins is a sweetheart trying to make right, and Lisa McCune has a rather wicked sense of humour. Oh, and yes, Adam Dovile does smile that much and Samantha Jade is nicer than a box of puppies. I’d hoped she was a cow so I could make her my nemesis. Instead, I’d give her cuddles, share Red Bulls and giggle. Grrrr.

Nikki Osborne for DWTS column

However, I’m not writing this article to discuss the cast, but rather spill the beans on what it’s really like behind the scenes!

Now, I will preface this with I’ve also been on I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here and I’ve been spun in a human size bingo ball filled with maggots, animal crap, cockroaches and my own vomit and that was a walk in the park compared to my dancing schedule.

OMG! It was like we were training for the Olympics. I’m not sure if the other couples did the same hours but my sweet, passionate ballroom torturer, I mean dance partner Aric Yegudkin, had me training seven days a week from 9-6pm, plus shows. For eight weeks. My kids forgot who I was and my dog treated my return like one of those soldier videos.

The result however? An incredibly tight butt, a six-pack and not an ounce of fat left. That sounds good, right? Well, yes, but it was also paired with two sprained ribs, a pinched nerve, tendinitis, acute muscle fatigue, bleeding feet, a mild concussion and at one point I had 27 bruises. I made Jeremy Renner’s snowplough incident look like an oopsy daisy by comparison.

I took a photo one night and honestly it looked like something from a dodgy fetish site. I should add that I only told the producers about the bruises and none of the other injuries because they’d do the responsible thing and pull me out of the show … and we couldn’t have that because the show was too much fun! Despite the pain and tears it was the most joyous experience I’ve ever had on TV.

Firstly, it was the fun and absolute passion my partner brought to every session. It was addictive. And when I say passion I don’t mean a romantic affair. Mind you, with some of the moves we did I’d often say, “Shouldn’t you buy me a drink first?”

No, it was his commitment to making me better and making our dance the BEST … even when he’d say, “Stop crying and get off the floor, crying won’t win”, I admit, I kinda liked it.

Then there was the costumes. Holy hotness, Batman.

They design every dress to suit the celebrity and the theme of their dance. I’m about to say something incredibly wanky, forgive me, but I had the wardrobe designer fly to my house to have dress and design fittings. I felt like a Disney princess … bruised, but a princess all the same.

No pain, no gain.

Then there’s show nights with the hair and make-up. This make-up team is next level. You knew when the producers thought you might have the best dance of the night because they’d allocate you Marty, and Marty would transform you into the most beautiful version of yourself. One of my looks took seven hours in the make-up chair!

Finally, it was the camaraderie of the cast that made the show so much fun. It’s not often you can say that of a reality TV cast because there’s usually a few arseholes in the mix but nope, I loved each and every one of them. Even Shane Crawford.

And despite my final days on the show resulting my inability to hold a toothbrush or bend over, would I do it again? In a heartbeat.

Originally published as Nikki Osborne: My time on Dancing With the Stars