‘Keep left unless overtaking for crying out loud!’: Meet Australia’s worst drivers

They’re too pushy and in a rush in Sydney, refuse to let any vehicles merge in Melbourne, and don’t even get me started on the many driving offences committed on the Bruce Highway, writes Nikki Osborne.

Time is money for Sydney drivers, they are always in a rush.

I’ve lived in multiple cities in Australia and overseas and there’s no denying that each city or region comes with its own driving characteristics.

Anyone who’s spent any time driving in Italy knows that when it comes to roundabouts and merging anything goes. It’s chaos and I love it, because with chaos comes alertness, a trait that is often lacking on Australia’s nanny roads. Then we know that the French basically drive with bricks strapped to their accelerator foot, which I’ll admit is my kinda driver. Just get there and get there fast.

But then there’s Australia. As we all live so far apart we certainly aren’t a one-driver-fits-all kind of nation. In fact, each city differs significantly. Here are Australia’s best and worst drivers:

Don’t drive slowly in Sydney.

Sydney city 10/10: Sydney drivers really do reflect their personality; adaptable, pushy and confident. Time is money and they need money to afford their house, so they don’t have time to fart around going 10km under the speed limit so they just crack on in traffic. They know the route, they know the cut-through, however, they also know that a lot of people don’t, and so unlike a lot of other states, they allow rogue drivers to merge. Which brings me to the next city.

Melbourne7/10: Now, you might be good drivers technically Melbourne, because anyone who can navigate hook turns and tram tracks is a confident, competent driver. However, you drive a little bit self-righteously. It seems that politics spills over into the streets. Melbourne drivers refuse to let a rogue driver merge on principle. I’ve seen it time and time again. This attitude of: this person who’s driven up on the inside of me surely knows their lane is about to run out so no, on principle, I refuse to let them merge, even if it puts both of our lives in danger, nope, on principle, they deserve to die. Obviously not everyone drives like this but I’m sorry Melbourne, it’s certainly a common occurrence.

Brisbane CBD 8/10: Brisbane drivers, much like Sydney drivers, just crack on with it, even though with one wrong turn you could end up in a tunnel and get spat out halfway to the Gold Coast. Brisbane drivers seem pretty chill in general but not in a slow kind of way. I must say I haven’t had many issues with Brisbane drivers until we get on to the …

Good times on the Bruce Highway.

Bruce Highway drivers 3/10: Head goes off, pumpkin goes on. All of a sudden, people think that their cruise control is king, even if it means sitting in the right-hand lane next to two other cars creating a pace car dynamic for the next 30km, allowing nobody to pass. This drives me nuts. Yes, technically you’re driving the speed limit, but you’re also simultaneously breaking the rules. Keep left unless overtaking for crying out loud!

Nikki Osborne.

Sydney cab drivers-130/10: Once you get into one of these vehicles you’d better pray for your life. While I was filming Dancing With The Stars in Sydney, I was forced into the cab system. Holy danger Batman. I was involved in three near collisions where we ended up sideways avoiding driving up someone’s arse and every time it was our fault. Sydney cabbies drive like they’re trying to write off their 2006 Camry while I’m in it. They’re erratic, distracted (because they’re usually on a 30-minute phone call to their accountant) and lost. More often than not they were asking me for directions. And then there’s the smell. All I can say is windows down.

Erratic and distracted taxi drivers don’t get a high score.

Sunshine Coast 2/10: Look, the beauty of the Sunshine Coast is that it’s a more relaxed lifestyle, however it certainly shows on the roads. People are driving so chill they’re almost asleep. Every driver is a Sunday driver. It seems going at least 10km under the speed limit is the norm there and so anyone who actually does have to get to, I dunno, a job, has to leave 20 minutes earlier because they’re gonna get stuck behind the NPCs on the Sunshine Coast. NPC stands for Non Playing Character, which is a gaming description of a character who does their loop in the game at the same time every time and will not move, budge or adapt to anything else coming up behind them. The only thing preventing this score from being 0/10 are the Cockies (Land Cruiser drivers) who we all know we can rely on to tow us out of a bog when we’re on the beach.

Would you agree with the above? What are the other city drivers like?