‘Younger generations would be horrified’: Truth about seniors’ sex lives

Baby Boomers are living longer, healthier and more fulfilling lives – and that includes in the bedroom. But it’s an increasingly risky business.

Older people on the dating scene are learning new things about romance and sex.

One-track minds and men in their 60s, 70s and 80s behaving like teenage boys – that’s the expectation-defying reality for singles in South Australia’s seniors dating scene.

And it’s leading to a significant rise in the number of sexually transmitted infections in the over-60s age bracket as many grandparents emerge from years of being in a relationship with very limited knowledge about sexual protection.

Victor Harbor retiree Sue, 67, who has been bombarded with requests on dating sites from Adelaide men with a singular purpose, said the seniors’ dating scene was rife with men after “one thing – sex”.

“I’m shocked at how some older men behave,” said the twice-divorced mother of two adult children.

Sexually-transmitted diseases are on the rise among the older demographic.

“People think old people aren’t sexually active but they are, probably more so than I thought they are. The younger generations would be horrified … they don’t think their grandparents would be doing anything like that. But they’re still alive and while they’re still alive they still have needs and feelings and wants.”

Sue, who worked in the health sector until earlier this year, said she had been approached by “so many 80-year-olds”.

She said she knew many stories of older men and women failing to wear protection for sex.

“I think that’s the biggest problem,” she said. “We can’t have kids and we weren’t really educated about (sexual health).”

Sue said she insisted on having a full STI check before agreeing to have sex and called for better education for all seniors.

“A lot of these guys aren’t interested in marriage, they just want it quick and easy, give you beautiful words. It’s very hard to tell an honest man now,” she said.

“I’ve spoken to a lot of women in their 70s and 80s that come from a generation where basically you did as you were told, you weren’t allowed to have a say, have a voice. They don’t understand now we actually have rights as women.”

Not-for-profit organisation National Seniors Australia recently issued a warning about the sharp surge in STIs, telling its members rates in American over-55s had risen sharply between 2012 and 2022, with syphilis cases increasing seven-fold and chlamydia cases tripling.

The latest Australian statistics show Baby Boomers – who grew up in the sexually liberated 1960s – show some STIs more than doubled. The 2020 CSIRO report shows chlamydia cases increased 161 per cent for women aged 65 to 74 and 147 per cent for 55 to 64-year-olds between 2000 and 2018.

University of Melbourne lecturer in sexual health Louise Bourchier.

The report’s author, University of Melbourne lecturer Louise Bourchier, said Baby Boomers – who were sexually liberated in the 1960s – were emerging from long-term relationships and generally living longer, healthier and more active lives than previous generations.

She said access to medications for erectile dysfunction for men and menopause for women were other contributors.

“That enables people to continue the sexual lives that they want for a lot longer. For many older adults, sex is still very important,” she said.

Ms Bourchier said Baby Boomers grew up post the contraceptive pill but before the onset of HIV and AIDs, which brought about a cultural change for younger generations about the importance of sexual protection.

“Baby Boomers didn’t have the same kinds of fears or caution that people might have had in the 80s or 90s when condoms were really important and there was lots more concern around sexual health,” she said.

“We do see that age group getting older now and more sexually active than previous cohorts with access to online dating but may not have had solid sexual education when they were younger or grown up at a time when condoms were common but now, from divorce or death of a partner, are finding themselves having new sexual partners in their 60s and 70s but they’re not thinking about their sexual health as much as a younger person.”

Victor Harbor pelvic physiotherapist and sexologist Ann Traeger-Spees.

Dr Marie Tudor.

Victor Harbor pelvic physiotherapist and clinical sexologist Ann Traeger-Spees said she encouraged her patients to have medical checks as a “litmus test” of respect in relationships before they became sexually active.

She said the “desexualisation of older people by our culture and society” was affecting their ability to make “good, healthy decisions”.

“Older women go into relationships often with poor sexual health literacy,” said Ms Traeger-Spees, who has patients in their 80s seeking help with their sexual health.

“For them, the only time you’d use a condom is when you don’t want to get pregnant. For post-menopausal women, it’s just not on their radar because we are not talking about it, which puts them at greater risk because as a society we think they’re not having sex – well, they are and they’re actually an at-risk population for STIs because of that.”

Adelaide medical sexologist Dr Marie Tudor said some older patients who did not practise safe sex had a “she’ll be right” attitude.

“They think ‘it couldn’t happen to me, I’m an upstanding citizen and we’re not in the demographic’,” the GP and trained sex therapist said.

She called on sexually active seniors to discuss protection with their partners and their health professionals.