Body+Soul 2024 Sex Census | Big differences in how Australians date by age and generation

When it comes to dating, there’s a huge generation gap between driven Millennials and time-poor Gen X, financially stable Baby Boomers and internet-bred Gen Z.

Internet-bred Gen Z is going old school. Diligent Millennials are furiously swiping their way to a life partner. Time-poor Gen X is diving deep on speed dates and Boomers are taking their chance on one last shot at love. When it comes to dating, Australians are divided by a yawning generation gap.

“The way generations date is absolutely different and always will be,” says Sydney relationships expert Samantha Jayne.

“How people meet and what they do together is very different depending on which generation they belong to. And it does come down to what they’ve been exposed to, it comes down to their life goals and where they are in life.”

GEN Z (AGE: 18-27)

Kristian Ciabattoni broke up with his Hinge dating app “weeks ago”.

“I deleted it a few weeks ago. I wasn’t on it for very long,” says the 24-year-old, who works in his family’s Burger Boss restaurant, in Adelaide’s southwestern suburb of Ascot Park.

“I wasn’t feeling it on the apps, wasting time with one or two days of pointless chat that was kind of fun but just wouldn’t end up with anything.

Kristian Ciabattoni has ditched the dating apps. Picture: Mark Brake

“You never really get to know anyone online … it’s very impersonal. I feel way better not being on the apps.”

Mr Ciabattoni – who went “old school” through a friend to find his current love, Gina Caltabiano – is not the only member of internet-savvy Gen Z switching off “disposable” dating apps for “something more human”, says Ms Jayne.

“Gen Z are meeting people from more traditional means such as friends, parties, someone in their community or uni where there is more trust. This reduces the anxiety of dating apps,” she says.

Rylee Cooper from Date Night Adelaide. Picture: Supplied

Mr Ciabattoni’s friend, Rylee Cooper, is tapping into that need with her monthly Date Night Adelaide events, which sell out within 20 minutes. “People are wanting something that’s fun and authentic,” says the 25-year-old.

Anxious Zoomers still coping with the fallout of Covid lockdowns fear rejection and avoid face-to-face contact. They’ll use Tik Tok or Instagram to connect and then communicate – “it’s less scary” – and will even profess their love in each other’s comments way before they’ll do it in person.

“This makes them feel safer … a DM is less intimidating than messaging a stranger on a dating app,” Ms Jayne says.

And when a relationship comes to an end, uneasy Gen Z chooses to ghost partners – cease contact with no explanation – rather than have a tough conversation. “While they don’t like being ghosted, they also prefer to ghost,” Ms Jayne says. “Gen Z also have strong opinions and values and don’t consider matching or dating someone with opposing views.”

Romances are often short-term and fluid – ex-partners of close friends are not off-limits. “It is common for a group of friends to date each other in a group whereas in the past dating your best friend’s ex would be considered taboo and would negatively impact your friendship,” Ms Jayne says.

Gen Z is generally not flush with cash so date nights are budget-wise – going out for a coffee, drink or ice cream is a good start. “They’re earlier in their careers so they’re not going for things that need a financial investment.”

Kristian Ciabattoni with Gina Caltabiano, who have been dating for four weeks, at the Hwy Hotel in Adelaide. Picture: Mark Brake

MILLENNIALS (AGE: 28-43)

With the oldest Millennials moving into their early 40s, this generation has no interest in casual dating. They’re on a mission to find a partner and settle down into committed and loving relationships. The biggest users of dating apps, they’re also trawling through career platforms such as LinkedIn to find a perfect match.

“Millennials are finding that these apps are a great way to filter your dates, you can find out their education, career history and you can filter by specific industries,” Ms Jayne says.

“They are the detectives – they’re very, very clear about what they want and they want to settle down.”

Millennial Bella Fowler uses apps to “stay in the game”. Picture: Supplied

Unlike their younger Gen Z friends, Millennials consider ghosting “immature and offensive”. They prefer frank and tough conversations. “They’re all about communication,” says Ms Jayne.

“Millennials believe in giving someone a chance and broadening your horizons so if you have opposing views with your date, it is something you can work around.”

Millennials are prepared to splash out on romance, choosing more expensive restaurants, where the open-minded daters are happy to split the bill.

“They believe in happily-ever-after and ‘soulmates’,” says Ms Jayne.

A reluctant dating app user of close to a decade, 31-year-old Bella Fowler admits she’d prefer to meet someone the old-fashioned way but swiping through the apps feels like the best option to “stay in the game”.

“My friends and I joke that it’s a numbers game. I know they say ‘it happens when you least expect it’ but when I switch off from dating, I just don’t bother at all,” the communications professional shares.

“If I’m on the apps, dating around and meeting new people regularly, it’s on my mind and I’m more open to finding something serious.”

Ms Fowler is currently active on Bumble and Hinge, and while she’s never used LinkedIn to find a partner, jokes that she’s used it to “stalk” potential dates.

“I definitely go into sleuth mode when I match with someone I like. LinkedIn, Google, you name it.”

Ms Fowler is ready to settle down but still open to casual dating if it’s fun and respectful – she has absolutely zero tolerance for ghosting.

“I have been ghosted before, and I probably ghosted people in my 20s, but absolutely wouldn’t do that now,” she says.

“It’s not hard to flick someone a message to say you had fun but you’re not interested. I had a really mature and thoughtful message from a guy I’d been on a few dates with earlier this year and it was so much nicer than ghosting. It made the whole experience really positive.”

GEN X (AGE: 44-59)

At 50, successful businesswoman Moira Linton is looking for someone to share her life. “I’m a high-value woman, I know exactly what I’m after,” says the twice-divorced director of Victorian firm BMC Demolition. “I’m looking for a monogamous relationship. I’m trying to find someone that I can retire with in my 60s.”

Moira Linton owns Melbourne demolition business BMC. Picture: Supplied

Moira is looking for someone to retire with. Picture: Supplied

Keen but careful, she is having conversations with 11 men on two dating apps, Bumble and Hinge, but prefers the instant connection of meeting someone face-to-face.

“I could lose everything – house, business, superannuation. The older you get, the more you’ve got to lose,” says Ms Linton, who married at 23 and again at 38.

The career woman, who looks out for her widowed 73-year-old mum, is a member of time-poor Gen X, which is grabbing moments for romance in between caring for their kids and elderly parents and keeping up with their hectic careers and lifestyles.

Relationship expert Samantha Jayne. Picture: Tara Croser

Carrying the baggage of broken relationships and life experiences, they have learnt from past mistakes and have high standards for what they’re looking for in a partner – physical appearance, education, personality, good communication and manners.

“They know exactly what they want, they’re looking to get it right. They want to find that person that makes life better,” says Samantha Jayne. “They do have very little time for dating … they’re fine alone but they prefer to find the right person, they prefer to be in a relationship but not at all costs.”

Gen X dating is a “blend of old-school charm and digital-age convenience”. Devotees of speed dating and networking, they’re happy to engage a matchmaker or reluctantly give online apps a go to find their perfect person. In Adelaide, Social 8 dating service hosts weekly dinners for six strangers and bigger group events. The dating service caters for singles in their 40s and above

“It’s all about face-to-face, that’s what people prefer,” says owner Kevin Williams.

Ms Jayne says Gen X reluctantly uses online dating – which they “loathe because they grew up pre-internet when things were still very much analog”. “They remember when apps had a stigma and no one would admit to using them,” she says.

When they match, they’re in a hurry to meet. Dates are squeezed into quick coffee catch-ups or a walk during their lunch break. “They’re in that age where people’s photos may not necessarily be real, they are potentially 10 years old, so they want to get on that date to see.”

BOOMERS (AGE: 60-78)

Jenny Barrett has worked hard to build her happy retirement. The 66-year-old – whose successful career took her from SA Police to journalism and corporate communications – owns her eastern suburbs home and loves to travel or go to the theatre.

And while she’s looking for a man with “integrity, honesty and sense of humour”, she has no interest in risking her comfortable life.

“I’ve never really felt like I needed a man in my life but as I’m getting older and I’m financially secure, I want company to do things like dinner, concerts or movies,” says Ms Barrett, who was married in her 20s and separated from her last serious partner earlier this year.

“I don’t necessarily want to live with someone, I like my own space and time. I’ve worked hard for nearly 50 years and I’m not going to sacrifice everything I’ve earned for any man, it means too much.”

Jenny Barrett at home with her rescue dog, Logan. Picture: Naomi Jellicoe

Ms Barrett, who has tried dating apps and matchmakers in the past, is not alone. Samantha Jayne says single Boomers are cautious about moving in together and want a partner who can afford to embrace their lifestyle.

Often grieving spouses or divorcees who have broken up after years of unhappy marriage, they don’t want to risk any financial upheavals.

“They have to be very mindful of who they get involved with because if they make a poor decision right now, they can’t recoup that money for their own life,” says Ms Jayne.

“They need a financially secure and stable person at the same stage of life who can jump on a plane and travel because they don’t want to be responsible for that partner.

“If they get it wrong, it could really seriously disrupt their life.”

In their 60s and 70s, Boomers have the most time to devote to finding love – but “getting married is not a priority”.

“They’ve been there done that and there’s not even a focus on living together but they are still looking for sexual monogamy,” says Ms Jayne.

Unlike younger generations, Boomers – the fastest-growing cohort on dating apps – stick strictly to a “third-date rule” for sex. “They grew up when it was taboo.”

Don’t miss Body+Soul inside your Sunday paper on September 15 for more eye-opening results from the Body+Soul 2024 Sex Census, as we reveal what’s really going on in Aussie bedrooms.

Originally published as Body+Soul 2024 Sex Census | Big differences in how Australians date by age and generation