Jana Hocking on the dating app taboo that needs to change

There are two physical attributes in men that a lot of women find a big turn off but Jana Hocking says it needs to change.

The biggest gripe I hear from men on the dating app scene is that they’re not getting any matches. This usually comes down to two things: Their height and how much hair they have on their head.

In terms of height, it seems anyone under six feet tall won’t get a look in. And I genuinely feel for them. As someone who is five-foot-three, I can quite happily go out with any bloke and they will still be taller then me. Heck, even Kevin Hart comes in an extra inch taller then me. But I will admit I’ve been picky in the past when it comes to height. For shame!

And then we’ve all seen those men on the dating apps who are wearing a hat in every shot, safe to assume they’re bald. Some of them will occasionally throw a shot in at the very end showing off their shiny top – and to them I say bravo! Embrace that Jason Stratham sexiness.

Just last year I fell for a hairless man and trust me when I say, his lack of hair was certainly made up for in other places.

But I feel for their struggle. The world can be a horrendously vain place, and we should all be ashamed of ourselves. **hangs head in shame

Jana Hocking says short men and bald men have a hard time on dating apps. Picture: Instagram

It’s why, when I faced a similar dilemma this week, I realised it’s not just the men who are getting the rough end of the stick when it comes to revealing something on the app that is perhaps outside the norms.

You see, as I’ve stated previously, I don’t want children. Don’t get me wrong, I adore them. Sheesh I would give my nephew my kidney if he asked for it, but in terms of having my own, it’s a solid no.

I’ve known this fact forever, and despite a gazillion people telling me I’ll change my mind, or that I just haven’t met the right person yet. It’s something I know deep in my soul. Kids are not in my life plan. When other children were playing with their baby dolls – putting them to bed, feeding them bottles – I was making sure my Barbie doll was kitted out in her finest work apparel and going off to her fabulously flamboyant job. In her Barbie convertible, obviously!

But saying that to a potential love match can be a tough ask. Do you state it on the apps straight up and run the risk of getting no matches? Or do you go on a couple of dates, wait till they fall madly in love with you and then hit them with the ol’ no-kids-for-me business. Is that a form of deception? Highly likely.

Weirdly, I have the benefit of age on my side. I’m 39 years old and most of the guys I’m matching with have already had their kids, so it’s not exactly a deal-breaker. But what about women dating in their 20s? And why do I feel like there is still so much shame in stating it.

The amount of dates I’ve been on where I’ve had to justify my reason for not wanting kids is ridiculous. I even had a very well-intentioned friend corner me at a party recently to tell me, “I really think you would make a great mother.” He had just become a new father and was on a mission to let the world know how wonderful it is.

I think the problem is that for so long ‘motherhood’ was seen as a right of passage to ‘womanhood’. Without children, a lot of old fuddy-duddies question whether you are really living up to your feminine virtue. Oh lord, as a floral dress wearing, perfume spritzing, puppy patting gal, I feel like I’ve got the whole feminine thing covered. No baby hanging off my boob required.

Women like comedian Chelsea Handler, actor Kim Catrell and singer Dolly Parton get it. But are more modern women choosing to go child-free? Research shows they are.

In Japan, a recent government research survey found that 42 per cent of women born after 2005 are now choosing to go child-free.

In America, 44 per cent of non-parents aged 18 to 49 say it is “not too likely” or “not likely at all” that they will have children some day, up 7 per centage points from Pew Research Centre’s 2018 survey.

And in Australia, 1 in 4 women are now childfree.

So why are we all still a little nervous to state it on our dating app profiles? Surely it’s time to reject the old-fashioned belief that women are selfish or strange for not wanting kids, and remind ourselves that the world is evolving. It’s perfectly OK to want a life that’s spontaneous and allows you to pursue things that aren’t within the confines of a ‘traditional’ family.

I for one am now stating it on my profile, and just like the bold and adventurous men who embrace their height and hairless heads, let’s all be a little braver on the apps.

Sure will save an awkward conversation down the track.

Jana Hocking is a columnist and collector of kind-of-boyfriends | @jana_hocking

Originally published as Jana Hocking on the dating app taboo that needs to change