Reasons that spark divorce – and shock our seasoned family lawyers

Seasoned lawyers who think they’ve ‘seen and heard it all’ reveal the unbelievable, real-life case files they’ve been shocked by.

When it comes to why couples might seek to separate, the reasons are wide and varied – with some difficult to believe, lawyers say.

For better or worse, January has been dubbed “divorce month” with family law experts around the globe reporting a spike in inquiries on separation and divorce when the new year hits.

Melbourne-based accredited family law specialist Annmarie Farrell believes the surge, in part, reflects the fact couples typically spend more time together during the festive season.

“Most couples are not usually together 24 hours of the day, except during holiday periods … which tends to create stress and highlight their difficulties (when a relationship is already under strain),” the Farrell Family Lawyers director says.

Angela Harbinson, CEO of national divorce technology platform The Separation Guide, adds the heralding of a “fresh start” the new year offers also helps explain the trend.

“A lot look at the New Year as a time of reflection and make resolutions for what they might like their life to be in the year ahead,” she says.

Timing aside, when it comes to why couples might seek to separate, the reasons are wide, varied with some difficult to believe.

Today, several leading family lawyers share rare insights into their profession by revealing some of the more unusual cases they’ve been involved with.

The surprising disclosures range from strange fetishes and addictions, to battles over the most obscure objects – and even flatulence.

Adelaide’s Bev Clark has worked with thousands of clients in her more than 35 years as a family lawyer, saying she’s “seen it all” with cheating spouses – a husband sleeping with his sister-in-law and a wife “hooking up” with her personal trainer – par for the course.

Clark Panagakos Family Law director Bev Clark has “seen it all”. Picture: Morgan Sette

“But I would have to say the most shocking and surprising … are the scatophilia (paraphilia involving sexual arousal and pleasure from faeces) cases,” the collaborative law specialist and director at Clark Panagakos Family Law says.

“Our little office has had three such cases … each a marriage-terminating event for sure; who even knew poo collecting was a thing? 

“When I was at a conference in Sydney … (a fellow practitioner) told me about a matter of theirs where the wife kept finding the jam jar in the family room; one day she came home early and discovered her husband plastering his bare bottom with jam from the same jar she had been putting back in the fridge for the family to use … when questioned, he told her that he liked the feeling of the ‘little legs of the flies’ that the jam attracted.”

‘Shocking and surprising’ scenarios can tear couples apart. Picture: iStock

Erica Panagakos, a co-director at the same firm, agrees the “poo collector” cases, along with other strange addictions or fetishes, are among the most astonishing she has so far come across.

“We are frequently surprised by what goes on behind closed doors, just when you think you have seen or heard it all, something new crops up,” Ms Panagakos says.

For Amy Nikolovski, a managing partner at DBH Lawyers, it is droppings of a different kind that stands out as unforgettable.

Erica Panagakos is a director at Clark Panagakos. Picture: supplied

Amy Nikolovski, is a managing partner at DBH Lawyers. Picture: supplied

“The most memorable case … a couple who were doing their property settlement even fought over a bag of manure in the garage … fighting over literal ‘crap’,” she says.

“In the end a junior lawyer went down to Bunnings and purchased another bag, so they had one each.”

Eva Bailey, a partner at Mellor Olsson Lawyers, says cases involving pornography addiction can be especially difficult and emotional to navigate.

“I have had more than one case where a party’s addiction to pornography, and their significant expenditure on that addiction, has been a determining factor for their separation … this was ultimately seen as an act of betrayal by their spouse, particularly when the extent and cost of the addiction became apparent,” she says.

“It was the level of the person’s need for it and the fact that they let this be the cause of the end of their marriage – and their inability or reluctance to seek help for their addiction – that was surprising to me.”

Eva Bailey, a partner at Mellor Olsson Lawyers, says cases involving pornography addiction can be especially difficult and emotional to navigate. Picture: Keryn Stevens

Divorce Legal principal Selina Nikoloudakis agrees some cases are hard to forget: “Unfortunately, many of the family law cases I have been involved in over the past 15 years have involved very sad circumstances.”

Michael Tiyce is principal at Tiyce & Lawyers. Picture: supplied

Selina Nikoloudakis is principal at Divorce Legal. Picture: supplied

But as well as the sad and serious, there is the laugh-out-loud ridiculous too.

UK-based divorce lawyer and partner at DMH Stallard, Rachel Osgood, says “real-life experiences highlight why very little surprises a divorce lawyer”.

“Just when you think you’ve heard and seen it all, someone comes into my office and describes a scenario that is unexpected to say the least,” she says.

“Take for example the husband who presented his divorce petition based on her unreasonable behaviour … one of the husband’s complaints was that after every meal the wife would break wind loudly and then laugh – clearly, this had been a source of distress to the husband for many years.”