Mel Buttle: Comedian gives her take on what your dog breed says about you

Golden Lab? Sorry, you’re basic. Staffy? Better be a blue for bogan cred. Comedian Mel Buttle gives her brutal but fun take on you and your pooch.

What does your dog choice say about you and your personality? Allow me to explain my take on your pooch.

Rescue Greyhound: You had a big stint as a vegetarian in your 20s, and even though you’re back on meat, you still won’t eat bacon. You’ve got a worm farm and you’re constantly looking into a tree change.

Golden Labrador: You’re basic, I’m sorry but you’re the potato salad at the barbecue.

Chocolate Labrador: The Labrador of hipsters in their late 30s – and the lab of choice for people who have a bit of coin and a Skoda wagon.

Black Labrador: You love camping, these people are always away camping, the dog often has an ironic name like Nigel or Beverley.

Beagle: Owners are neat freaks, highly organised people own beagles. They always have to have treats in their pockets to get their dog’s attention back just in case.

Border Collie: Owners are in training for a triathlon, and they love to show off that their dog can roll over and bark on command in public.

Comedian Mel Buttle with Buddy, Charlie and Cliff. Picture: Ian Currie

French Bulldog: Frenchie owners have a baby wardrobe with their dog’s outfits in it. The dog of corporate power couples, lawyers and marketing execs, all of them love a Frenchie. Frenchie owners take their dog absolutely everywhere with them.

Staffy: The elite dog of the outer suburbs, a blue staffy is serious bogan cred. Staffy owners have a habit of yelling out “he’s friendly” as their dog barrels up to you. Staffy owners will have their dog’s name tattooed on them somewhere.

Cavoodle: Owners are a result of a power struggle between the couple, someone wanted a Maltese, but the other person wanted a Cocker Spaniel. The Cavoodle was the only dog that was somewhat acceptable to both parties. Cavoodle owners carry their dog across the road for some reason.

Jack Russell: Owners are on the go, they’ve got to get to kids sport, a dinner and then be at Clark Rubber when it opens tomorrow. Their backyards are covered in tennis balls and rope toys. Thought they were getting a small dog, instead they got a 7kg hurricane.

Great Dane: Owners are sick to death of all the questions, they’ve got the answers prepped for you. “65kg, he’s six, about four cups a day”. They’re mostly quiet people who now have to face being stopped on the street to chat about their dog.

Jack Russell, aka the 7kg hurricane.

Bulldog, the creative choice for tradies.

Rescue dog: Owners will let you know their dog is a rescue straight away, they’ve had to train this dog to not be afraid of curtains, so you’re going to hear about Coco’s journey even if you didn’t ask.

German Shepherd: Owners have at least three kids and a husband who works away. Hence, why Rex was purchased.

Golden Retrievers: The official dog of Brighton. Golden Retriever owners spend their life apologising for their dog drooling on your pants.

Bulldog: The creative dog choice for tradies, bulldog owners go one of two ways with the naming of the dog, they’re either called, Diesel or Coach or a human name like Lionel or Betty. Tradies who own an Amarok ute often have a bulldog.

Husky: Owners will not take their sunglasses off to speak to you, they are cyclists in their spare time and are kind of impressed when their dog trots in the dog park and all the small dogs run away scared.

Dachshund: Owners are cardigan wearers, they’re quirky and so is their dog. Ad agencies will have one of these dogs under the front counter if you look closely.