My mum won't happily do this one thing for her grandchild

"Today she sent a barrage of 20 texts and said she wouldn't see my daughter again."

It's wonderful that so many parents have access to extended family to help with childcare when they're working.

But maybe not so wonderful for those family members?

It's a debate that's raging in many corners of the internet - and one angry mum this week has just joined in, sharing her own battle with her elderly mum about her one-year-old.

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"Two hours isn't that long"

The mum asks whether it's reasonable for her "to expect my mum to look after her only grandchild on her own for 2 hours a week?"

She explains: "My mother is 75. She is relatively fit and healthy and leads an active lifestyle.

"I am 35 and have one child. I work freelance. One morning we have outside help with my child, one morning MIL comes down to help, and one morning my mum helps.

"Whenever she has my daughter for the morning, I can guarantee she will be difficult with me when I pick her up. Mum is tetchy, snappy and talks about how difficult it was, how tired she is and she is almost resentful at me.

"She adores my daughter, and I appreciate that she is getting older, but two hours isn’t that long considering it’s only once a week.

"Each time I go and pick my daughter up, I make a big effort to be chirpy and in a good mood. Today, despite very little sleep for four nights, I tried my hardest to not put a foot wrong. Yet still I was met with complaints.

"I suggested I had lunch alone, to give her a break from my daughter as I could see she was in a bad mood and I wanted to avoid a big argument.

"It didn’t work and she became even more agitated and then sent me a barrage of 20 messages about how she wouldn’t look after my daughter again and how disrespectful I was etc etc.

"Should I send my daughter to nursery instead for the morning my mum has her? I can’t stand the feeling of resentment much longer."

Image: iStock

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"It is clearly FAR too much"

There were almost 2000 votes on a poll, which told the mum she was being very unfair.

Some of the comments included:

• "Make other arrangements. It's clearly FAR too much."
• "It's not working. It's not going to work. End of."
• "It's pretty obvious she finds it difficult to cope. Yes find some paid childcare."

One mum suggested this practical solution: "It sounds like it’s too much for her. She should just say that but if I was you, I’d find an alternative and let your mother mind her when/if she wants. Maybe she’ll be ok with it being random days instead of a regular thing."

Finally, this reader made a sage observation: "Far more important that your child has positive memories of her time with her grannies. Sort out professional, paid for, childcare and let the grannies enjoy being grannies."

Originally published as My mum won't happily do this one thing for her grandchild