‘My ex gives our son Tic Tacs instead of ADHD meds on his visitation days’

"Since we split up he sabotages me at every turn,” the frustrated mum says.

A therapist once told me, in parenting it’s essential to present a united front to kids, even if you disagree.

And that includes if you’re divorced.

Why? Because if the parents are fractured and disagree, kids will see it as a chance to get what they want.

They’re not being manipulative, just opportunistic.

After all if mum says no to, for example, screen time, maybe dad will say yes because mum and dad never agree.

Gemma* and her ex-husband have never presented a united front, and although their son Arlo hasn’t tried to take advantage of the situation, he’s certainly suffering because of it.

“When my son was two years old, his father and I separated,” Gemma explained in a Reddit post.

“I wanted to get him diagnosed as autistic, his father didn’t agree.

“We went to court and came to a five-nine rotating arrangement when Arlo was three years old.”

It worked for a while, but Arlo began struggling at school.

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The mum was devastated for her son that his dad had rejected him. Photo: iStock

Mum doesn’t know how to tell son dad doesn’t want to see him

Arlo was referred by the school for a diagnosis and it was revealed that he had ADHD.

Gemma’s ex wasn’t on board though, and even when they had a medication regime in place, he would sabotage it, giving the little boy Tic Tacs instead of his ADHD medication.

“I had to organise for school to give medication,” Gemma said.

Now Arlo is nine, and last year, the pair went to mediation to come up with a new custody arrangement. It was working fine until Arlo got an autism assessment and was diagnosed. Since then, his father has been tapering off visits and hasn’t seen him in six months.

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“My son keeps asking to see his dad, dad doesn’t want to see him anymore.

“How do I let him know this?

“I keep telling him it’s not his fault and his dad’s the one working through some stuff and he needs time to do that.

“I don’t know how to help him and my heart hurts for him.”

RELATED: Tips for parents on how to handle custody arrangement

Reddit gives advice to mum

Plenty of people shared advice and stories in the comments.

“My mum used to tell me that she didn’t know why my dad didn’t make an effort to see me, but that she was sure he would one day regret missing out on my life,” one person said.

RELATED: We are in the middle of The Great Divorce

“Get him to therapy and maybe you too,” advised another person. “To be honest I’d reach out to the dad and say something like, ‘If you’re going to go no-contact with your own child, you at least owe an explanation’.”

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“Tell him this: ‘Dad won’t be able to see you. It’s not your fault and grown-ups make choices sometimes that are hard to understand’,” a third person said. “’Let’s focus on what we can control… I’m always here for you if you need to talk’.”

*Names have been changed

Originally published as ‘My ex gives our son Tic Tacs instead of ADHD meds on his visitation days’