‘My mother-in-law says we failed our kids because they’re neurodiverse’

“We have five children and it’s getting so hard to juggle… sometimes I think she’s right,” the flustered mum reveals.

Pilar Grace

3 min read

June 9, 2024 - 5:12PM

Primary School

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I think we can all agree that parenting is a guilt-ridden minefield.

As parents, we’re constantly worrying if our behaviour is ruining our children’s lives.

My youngest two started a battle with the hose this afternoon right next to the laundry that was almost dry and soaked all the school uniforms.

I stuck my head out the door and shouted so loud, I wondered afterwards if I’d done them psychological damage. I also wondered if the neighbours were home and thought I’d lost my mind.

Maybe your parental guilt goes farther back than your day-to-day behaviour and you’re feeling bad that your genes “ruined” your kids.

Cora knows this feeling all too well.

She has ADHD and her husband has type 1 diabetes in his family and of their five kids, two have ADHD, one has diabetes and one is a newborn, so the jury is out.

Parenting those five children is a lot, and makes Cora the perfect target for the painfully accurate shots that only a mother-in-law can make, which is why when hers told her they had failed the kids, she really took it to heart.

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Cora was riddled with guilt over her kids diagnoses. Photo: iStock

Mother-in-law says parents failed kids

“The other day my mother-in-law came over to meet our new baby and while she was holding her she made the comment, ‘I hope she doesn’t grow up to have some sort of illness like all the others’.”

Ouch.

At first, Cora was offended and confronted her.

“Face it, you guys kind of failed your kids. They pretty much all have some kind of disorder,” her mother-in-law shot back.

Cora told her to leave, but the comment stayed with her.

“I have ADHD and my husband’s family has a history of type 1 diabetes. We have five kids, two boys with ADHD a four-year-old girl with type one diabetes and ADHD, our eldest who is neurotypical and our newborn.”

She said the eldest is the mother-in-law’s clear favourite.

Although Cora felt she should know better, something about the mother-in-law’s comment rang true.

“I can’t help but think she’s right. We are the reason they have to grow up like this. I feel so bad.

“We try our best but it’s been getting tougher and tougher to juggle everything… Maybe we are failing our kids.”

Reddit supports parents

In a move that will surprise no one, the Reddit commenters did not think Cora and her husband had failed their kids, and they all agreed that the mother-in-law should get lost.

“You’re raising kind human beings,” one person said. “Sounds like she’s the one whose parents failed her.”

“Your MIL sounds like an uppity b**ch,’ said another.

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Many said ADHD didn’t mean the kids would be unsuccessful or struggle in life.

“Attorney here who has numerous colleagues, prior boss, all with ADHD,” one person said. “It’s actually pretty commonly discussed in my professional circles because it seems a lot of ADHD traits make for good lawyering.”

“I was diagnosed with ADHD as a little girl, I’m now 37, a successful engineer, have my own kid,” said another. “The best thing my parents did for me was encourage me, help get me support in school until I was old enough to advocate for myself and have my back unconditionally.”