I'm sick of my friends always bringing their kids when we catch up

"They all have husbands, and both sets of grandparents around. But somehow, they never manage to find anyone who can babysit," the frustrated kid-free friend writes.

Nama Winston

3 min read

August 22, 2024 - 3:02PM

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As many of us know, it becomes harder to maintain friendships after you have kids.

We can't prioritise them in the way we used to, and sometimes, we don't want to, because family - especially when the kids are little - is the main focus.

One woman has recently confessed to struggling with this natural life progression, sharing that she's annoyed her friends with children don't make enough of an effort to see her without the distraction of their little ones.

Which is why she's now refused to see them.

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AITA for always turning down my friends when they ask to bring their kids?

Writing on Reddit, the woman shared:

"I have a friend group of seven women from uni. I'm the only one that's childfree, but one is childless, two are pregnant with their first and three have kids.

"We as a group rarely meet up. I've seen all of them maybe twice in the last year, and we all live in the same city. Every time someone asks to meet up and we finally find a date everyone is available, one of the mums always asks if they can bring their child, or children."

It's not the sort of catch up the poster has in mind.

"Before anyone else can answer, the other mums say yes. All of them have husbands who can watch their kids. Most of them also have both sets of grandparents who are involved. But somehow, they never manage to find someone who can 'babysit', as they call it."

The woman is implying that the mums aren't trying hard enough to have adult time.

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"So at this point I've stopped answering until they've set a time and place, someone has asked about kids, and I say I can't make it. I hang out with them one on one, or in smaller groups instead."

But the woman was ambushed by the appearance on an eight-year-old during the most recent get together, and was so annoyed, she left.

"Thirty minutes later I excused myself and left. Said I didn't feel well. In those 30 min we hadn't had any 'adult talk', we were just entertaining the kid.

"After I left, I think they realised this was a pattern and I got text from most of the girls in the group. Some calling me an asshole, others just saying they were annoyed with me for leaving, while the third mum having my back, and asked to meet up later that week to have a proper wine night.

"I don't hate kids at all. I work with them every day and don't want to spend my time off, relaxing with friend, having to entertain other people's kids again."

But now she's wondering, "AITA"?

Image: iStock

"You're being passive aggressive"

Many commenters could relate to the poster's situation, with one writing, "Wine night with friends from college pretty definitely means no children."

Another said, "I'd be PISSED if someone brought their kids to a night out. If I've sorted a sitter, I don't want to see any kids."

A third made the point that the woman's "friendship circle is naturally fracturing and that's ok."

Others could see the woman's point but advised her to be more direct with her friends.

"You're being passive aggressive," this mum wrote. "I understand not wanting to be around kids in your free time, but you need to establish early on in the planning process that it's just a gals' night. You can't assume the others will automatically think of or want to arrange childcare when one of you suggests hanging out, and then get mad when they don't."

This person agreed, writing, "It sounds like you are expecting them to read your mind that you don't want to see the kids and they are understandably taking your frostiness as a rejection of them as friends rather than being about the presence of kids."

Many also noted that it was natural of the mums to want to socialise with their children.

"It is quite natural for young parents to want to socialise with their children in tow when their friendship circle consists of other parents in the same situation. It's also a nice way for their children to mix with others," one said.

This article was originally published in August 2023 and was updated in August 2024.