Paying your fair share for playdates is the right thing to do

"Don't be weird about it, mate. Pay upfront. With no awkwardness."

A mum sparked outrage recently for posting on TikTok about the ‘bill’ she sent another parent for a playdate their child had at her house.

In the video which has since gone viral with more than 3.5m views, the mum who goes by the username Shay.nanigans87, shared screenshots of an alleged exchange between her and the other parent.

They included an itemised breakdown of “expenses”, such as a broken LOL Surprise toy ($5), wear and tear from sitting on the sofa ($1), snacks and drinks ($5), pavement chalk ($1) and three trips to the bathroom where her child used toiletry supplies like soap ($3).

“Please help out with your share of the expenses for the playdate... because I can’t keep doing these playdates if it’s so expensive,” she wrote on the clip.

“This way we can do this more often without a monetary obligation on just one party.”

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RELATED: ‘I can’t believe how stingy this mum was on a playdate’

"I changed my mind - it's a smart idea"

Many people responded with shock and a sense of disbelief.

'Today, in “How to sabotage your child’s ability to make friends in one, easily quantifiable receipt”…' one X user wrote.

'When the kid asks why she never had playdates after Spring ‘24, show her this video,' added Martin Matthews, the CEO of a wealth management group in Georgia.

At first, I agreed with these responses, thinking- a bill?  That’s a bit much, isn’t it?!

But after a bit of consideration, I changed my mind.

That’s right, I think charging for playdates or being reimbursed for the expenses is a smart idea. Hear me out.

Image: Supplied

RELATED: Can we normalise sending other families money for playdates

"Less spending on our kids"

With the current cost of living crisis, most people are finding it tough, or at least harder to make ends meet. Even for those of us lucky enough to have mortgages under control and two steady incomes, many (me included) have still had to cut back on spending.

For the parents among us, this has also meant less spending on our kids.

In my household, this has resulted in ‘fun’ weekend activities that don’t involve money, or at least less of it (i.e. not as many cinema visits or sessions at the trampoline park).

The fact is, kids are expensive at the best of times so as soon as you add on another kid- a friend, or two - a visit to the swimming pool, snacks and/or lunch adds up, and a visit to the movies is about half your wage and anything more expensive means you pretty much need to visit the bank for a personal loan.

Shona with her husband. Image: supplied

And I don’t think it is unfair to ask parents to pay for their kid’s share of the activity they are going to be doing. i.e., I think they should foot the bill for their kid’s share of a playdate, or as Shay says to “normalise” paying for playdates.

It should be the done thing for other parents, I mean why is there an expectation for the host to pay for them anyway? Isn’t this notion a bit outdated now?

Now, when I say this, I’d like to stipulate that there are some conditions around it. Like, I don’t expect to be paid for the extent of things Shay requested like wear and tear, chalk, toilet flushes and toiletries. Perhaps that is a bit rich (pun intended). But for activities that have been agreed upon before the playdate like a visit to the pool going to the movies, trampoline park, bowling or out for lunch, then yes, that’s reasonable.

Key to this too, is communication. While I don’t know, I assume that Shay didn’t run these conditions by the parent who received her invoice and that if she had, perhaps she wouldn't have agreed on the playdate or responded in the way that she did (shocked). So, I think outlining expectations to parents around who is paying for what before the date is a box that must be checked.

When you think about it, if you’re an adult and you head out for dinner and the movies with a friend you pay for your share most of the time, you don’t expect them to pay for you just because you extended the invite, so why wouldn’t it be fair to ask the same for a child?

When my kids were younger and I wasn’t as scrupulous about budgeting, I’d probably not have worried so much about this and just paid for their friend’s way (within reason). But now, unfortunately, it’s different.

So, I say good on you Shay for doing what you need to do, and I agree, normalising paying for playdates is a great idea -  perhaps though, don’t post about it afterwards!

Originally published as Paying your fair share for playdates is the right thing to do