I was mum-shamed for allowing my tween to wear a bikini

"An elderly lady stood there shaking her head, then she said it - in front of my daughter."

While Melbourne hasn’t brought with us as many cracking summer days as Sydney so far, we’ve still managed to have a couple and it was on one of these that saw my 12-year-old daughter, *Mia and I head to our local public pool.

Packed with enough snacks and sunscreen to spend the day, we had taken off our cover-ups and were laying out our towels and organising our belongings on one of the grassy sections that surrounded the pool when an older woman, I’d estimate aged in her mid-60s approached us.

Want to join the family? Sign up to our Kidspot newsletter for more stories like this. 

Image: IStock

RELATED: Parents divided over whether 8yo should shower herself

"Only 12 and she is wearing that tiny thing"

I smiled and warmly greeted her, expecting her to ask what the time was, or something pretty customary but what she said left Mia and I so upset that we left the pool before we had even got in.

You see, Mia was wearing a bikini: a tri-shaped, tie-dye design two-piece swimsuit that she had been given for her birthday this year. It was her first ever bikini and the first time she had worn it, so she was quite excited but unfortunately, this senior swimmer soon changed that and has put Mia off wearing one ever since.

After I’d said hello to the lady, without even a polite reply, the woman asked me how old my daughter was.

Taken aback by the question but also by her direct tone, I answered her in more of a reactionary way, rather than as something I felt comfortable doing.

Once I had told her she was 12, the woman just stood there shaking her head.

“Is something wrong?” I asked, still absolutely confused as to what was happening and why she was reacting this way.

“Only 12 and she is wearing that tiny thing,” she said pointing her head toward the swimsuit.

“Pardon me?” I replied in a sort of half-confused, half-offended tone.

“That bikini barely covers her breasts, or her bottom and she is only a child,” she said to me.

I stood there in silence, looking around for some sort of way out or support, not quite sure what to do.

RELATED: Mum shares 9yo’s ‘delusional’ Christmas list

"I knew nothing I could say could get her to see a different perspective"

“It sexualises young kids, and this is why men look at them. Not to mention the exposure to the sun. It’s just inappropriate all around,” she continued.

Before I could even muster something to say back, she turned around and huffed off, getting into the lap pool lane.

I looked at Mia and I could see tears in her eyes. 

“I want to go home,” she told me, already putting her cover-up back on.

I tried to convince her to stay and to dismiss what the lady had said and not to worry about it, but I could tell it was fruitless; she was upset and didn’t want to be here.

I told Mia to wait in the car and quickly packed up our belongings, trying to work out what I should do next.

I was so angry at this point that approaching this woman and telling her what I thought of her horrible judgment and the nasty way she went about it all was all I wanted to do but my common sense kicked in and I knew that nothing I could say would convince a person like this to see a different perspective or have her admit any fault.

So, instead, as I left, I let the lifeguard know and told her to be aware that this woman made us feel uncomfortable at the pool and could do the same to others.

What frustrates me about the situation the most is that this lady has made all of these assumptions without knowing any information, like the fact that Mia had applied sunscreen before leaving our home which was ten minutes away from the pool and knew that reapplying sunscreen every two hours was a condition of wearing a bikini so had even gone to the extent of putting alarms on on her watch to remind her.

She also doesn’t know that until earlier this year Mia was quite embarrassed about her body because she began puberty quite young.

It had taken her years to accept her new curves and breasts and have the confidence to wear the swimwear she wanted to wear and then the first day she does, this happens.

While I have spoken to Mia about what occurred and tried to explain how unfair it was, she has still declined other invitations to the pool and beach, and I am quite sure that this horrible senior swimmer is to blame. 

Originally published as I was mum-shamed for allowing my tween to wear a bikini