Backpacks are apparently uncool now - what else should us parents stop doing?

“Someone tell the hikers, travellers, students, and every parent at an airport they’re doing life wrong."

The internet has declared war on backpacks. 

In a TikTok that quickly went viral and then landed in Reddit’s Fixed By The Duet thread, a Gen Z creator stares into the camera and delivers this verdict with grave concern:

“This is no shade, but if you’re an adult wearing a backpack, you’re not doing good.”

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Backpacks (and parents) are apparently uncool now. Image: Reddit

Within hours, adults everywhere rose from their ergonomic chairs, cracked their heat packs, and responded - including a woman in a practical black backpack who cheerfully blew the whistle attached to her backpack strap and grinned:

“Has a whistle. It’s pretty cool!”

It was a glorious moment of grown-up defiance. And the Reddit thread? Gold.

“No shade, but if you're judging other adults for wearing a backpack, you're not doing good.”

“A backpack is a useful thing, much better than walking around with full pockets.”

“Someone tell the hikers, travellers, students, and every parent at an airport they’re doing life wrong. Basically anyone who doesn’t have 20 arms are doomed.”

“The only people using backpacks are active people or people with kids. Both failures, obviously.”

No backpack = no side quests
byu/ftmfuckmegood infixedbytheduet

Which got me thinking - if wearing a backpack means you’re not “doing good,” then friends, we are deeply uncool. And not just because of the backpacks. Let’s unpack all the cool reasons we are not cool ... and don't care.

1. Backpacks

The fashion police have spoken. Adults carrying backpacks are dorks, apparently. But hear me out: it holds snacks, wipes, water bottles, a spare pair of undies (for the kids, mostly), and it leaves your hands free to stop your preschooler from licking a public handrail. It's basically a survival pack. But yes, tell me more about your crossbody satchel that fits one lip balm and a single life regret.

2. Sensible shoes

We’re talking arch support, cushioned soles, maybe a Velcro strap if we’re feeling frisky. Apparently, these are a crime against fashion. Meanwhile, my plantar fasciitis says: “Go ahead. Judge me. I’ll be over here standing upright.”

3. Reusable KeepCup

Uncool. Real cool people drink boiling coffee from their curved palm. Look, we'll stick with our KeepCups while steering a pram one-handed and whisper-screaming, “Don’t lick that!” at our kids. Sustainability? Hydration? How embarrassing.

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4. Wipes. Everywhere.

Backpack. Glovebox. Bra. There’s a wipe stash in every crevice of our lives. Some might call it uncool overkill. I call it being one spilled yoghurt away from public humiliation.

5. Booking 5pm dinner reservations

We eat early, OK? Pensioner hour dinner is where it is at. The only club we’re lining up for now is the bath-time-bedtime express, and that train waits for no one. Plus, by 8pm we’re horizontal with a heat pack and a murder doco. Who’s not doing good now?

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6. Using a whistle

Yes, a whistle. As the backpack heroine showed us - it’s a built-in security system, dog-caller, and child-herder in one. It’s basically the Swiss Army Knife of parenting. If that’s not cool, I don’t want to be.

Honestly, the only thing more exhausting than being a grown-up is trying to be a cool one. And if carrying a backpack means I’m not doing good, then so be it. I’ll be over here blowing my safety whistle, standing in my orthopedic slides, carrying snacks for everyone including you - and thriving.

Originally published as Backpacks are apparently uncool now - what else should us parents stop doing?