I really need my in-laws to help with daycare - it's not forever

"Do I sound like an entitled cow?" the mum asks, citing unusual circumstances.

Laura Jackel

3 min read

May 30, 2024 - 2:25PM

Parenting

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The never ending juggle of caring for our kids while working to pay the bills is a relatable scenario for many families. Add winter viruses or injuries to the mix, and that juggle becomes even more stressful at times.

We need all the help we can get; which is why one frustrated mum took to a popular parenting forum to ask if she should be upset that her in-laws would not help more with childcare.

Especially after her toddler broke her ankle.

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"An entitled cow"

“I can’t work out if I’m sounding like an entitled little cow, or if I’m actually in the right,” began the mum’s post.

“My child is two and has recently broken her ankle. Due to this ankle break, the nursery (daycare) has said she can come in, but only if she’s not requiring regular pain relief.”

To provide some background, the mum shares how on a usual week their toddler is well cared for by her husband on one day, her parents on another, her in-laws on another, and daycare for a day and a half.

“We are struggling”

She explains that her parents work four days per week, but her in-laws have a more flexible schedule.

“My father-in-law doesn’t work, never has, and my mother-in-law works from home. When they have my daughter, my mother in law continues to work and my father in law cares for her.

“We are struggling with childcare but the in-laws have made it very clear they don’t want to help out.”

While her mother-in-law is on leave from work, the mum asked if she could help out more with childcare while daycare was off the agenda.

“Initially they said, ‘well I guess we don’t have a choice’, but then two hours later said they had instead decided to book something in, so they couldn't help us.

“My husband and I have had quite a bit of time off juggling this ankle break and while I understand that our daughter isn’t my in-laws' responsibility, I just feel pissed off that they won’t help.

“It’s not forever!”

Image: iStock

“They don’t owe you anything”

While the mum may have hoped for more readers to side with her, most of the hundreds of replies were highly unsympathetic.

“Not their responsibility, they don’t owe you anything,” wrote one very direct respondent.

Another thought that the mum was being very entitled.

“I think most relatives would help out in an emergency if they could, but you've already had your parents actually reduce work to give you childcare!

“Every parent has to juggle this stuff, they don't owe you this pretty significant time commitment.

“Many people don't have the luxury of one family member on hand for this let alone four.”

Another questioned why she couldn’t work from home as a temporary measure.

“So, you get a free day of childcare from your parents and your in-laws every week? That is very fortunate,” she wrote.

“Why can't you or your partner arrange to work from home this week and possibly next? Alternatively, can you or your husband take a day of unpaid leave to deal with this.

"I'm sorry, but you are being very entitled when you already get a huge amount of help. I'm still reeling at your parents dropping a day each to cover childcare for you.

“Personally I'd have kept working and paid for a day of nursery for you. I would not commit to regular full on child care.”

“You should be able to count on them”

Not everyone was on the in-laws side, with this user offering the mum some kind words of support.

“You’re not being unreasonable,” she wrote.

“It’s just a day and it’s their granddaughter. Lots of people on Mumsnet have a weird complex about not relying on family, when it’s just bitterness behind it really.

“You should be able to count on them for this one occasion. Not surprised you feel disappointed.”